Good night, or is it good morning?

Another anxiety filled night, sigh. I can’t sleep, yet again. I’ve tried. So instead of sleeping like a normal person, I am reading, I am listening to the radio and reading blogs. Its 3 AM now. I doubt I’ll sleep. Well I gotta be up again at 7 so what is the point in even trying? Plus I am feeling very anxious. I am shaky and my heart is racing. I took my night meds hours ago. I shouldn’t be feeling like this. There is no reason for it. Not one that I can figure out anyway. I just get this awful anxiety every night, lately. It sucks. I’m so over it. I want life to go back to the way it was but was that even ok? I don’t know. Hell I don’t know anything. I am just trying to keep my head above water. I struggle on each day because what else can I do? I mean its not like I can get off the ride of life, is it? No. I just have to survive, and survive I will. No matter what, I am a fighter, I am a survivor. I’ve always been a survivor. Tonight though I miss my therapist, I could email her. I should probably send a quick email. But somethings stopping me. Its like she’s probably tired of me. She never says that but really? If I were her I’d be tired of me. I would be like, why does she keep whining, and emailing me? She’s just so kind. She never complains no matter how often I contact her. I’m welcome to email her, any time, that is what she always says. I am so glad its the weekend. I love weekends. I love relaxing and spending time with my mom. At least mom’s proceedure went well today, praise god. I am so relieved. I am always worrying about her. I can’t help it. I was so relieved when she got through it ok, and came home. Well I’d better sign off and read some more. Good night, or good morning!

Author: Carol anne

I am 40 years young. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

8 thoughts on “Good night, or is it good morning?”

  1. I have a lot of nights like this too, even with meds. I hope you’re able to get some better rest soon.

    That’s great that your therapist lets you email her as much as you need to. Mine does, too, which is super helpful when I just need to vent.

    P.S. Reading your post brought one of my favorite songs to mind: Survivor by Destiny’s Child. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m sorry you’ve been feeling so awful. I get the way you’re feeling about Eileen, but rationally thinking she sounds like someone who is good with her boundaries, so I think if she needed a break she would have told you. 🙂


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