More updates

Mom is still ill. Not as bad as she was but she’s still not right and her illness is still lingering, she is very weak, and she has been in bed most of the afternoon. I am just hoping she is going to be ok by the morning.

I rang my sister and told her how ill she has been. My two aunts came back from looking around the shops, so I went downstairs with them to get some food, now I have eaten, and we sat in the bar for a while just chatting and listening to music. Now I am back upstairs with my mom again.

I ended up just getting chicken wings, and fries, something simple and easy. I went to the shop across the street to get mom more lukasade sport, to hydrate her.

Now she is asleep again. She’s been sleeping a lot. She may as well rest. I have my laptop and phone so I wont be bored. I can make coffee and tea also. Im just hoping for the best for tomorrow. So if you can, pray she’s ok by then.

Panick over!

Well guys, I am rethinking things. I may actually be able to stay in college after all. I panicked earlier, when I saw that F on my grades. I couldnt cope with it. But my friend denise emailed me, she said she got an F too. And she said she knows 8 others who also got f’s. So something is clearly up. Something is a miss.
I feel if I can sort it out thenI may stay in the course after all. Despite my symptoms, and despite what is going on, I do like the course, I enjoy it, I enjoy learning.
Denise has emailed brenda our coordinator. So have I. I also sent an email apologising for my earlier one I sent her.
I hope this works out. I am glad I wasnt the only one who got an F.

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Sad because I had to quit college

I am so sad tonight. I had to quit college. I failed an assignment. I couldnt believe I got an F on it. I was heartbroken. I decided the pressure was too much. I cant keep everything going. I have way too much going on right now, what with symptoms flaring, and ptsd stuff coming up. Also I dont think I am cut out for college. I’m feeling pretty disheartened, but it was for the best. I think and feel I did the right thing.
We were almost done for the term anyway. I stuck it out as long as I could. But with all that is going on I couldnt keep it up. I feel like such a failure.
I feel like I constantly start things but dont finish them. This course was meant to help me out with extra training to help with my volunteering, but then, part of me says, well, I am already the expert, I have mental illness, I dont need training in it.
I guess its ok. I had to do what I had to do.
Just feel bad about it. I just emailed my coordinator to tell her of my plans.
I hope she’ll be ok with it.

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Night time is…

Nights are A scary time for me
Ghosts from my past
Creep in
Unseen faces
Tell me things
Whisper in my ear
Haunt me
I think crazy thoughts
Cant quite stop them
Even though I want to
Sleep does not come
No matter what I do
Holding on
Held together with superglue
I sit, wait
For the night to end
For the daylight to return
Only then
Will I be
Ok, safe, happy

Well Guys, it’s that time again, time to be weighed in

Another week gone by, time goes so fast. It’s time for me to go and get weighed in. Hoping hoping hoping to be down this week. We shall see. I guess only time will tell whether I’ve done enough this week or not. I hope I have. I’m really hopeful that I’ve done all the right things this week. So please guys wish me the best of luck. Here’s hoping for a good result tonight. I’ll be so happy if I’m down even 1 pound I’ll take a pound. But if I’m down more I’ll be happy to. Hope for the best anyway.