fuck you, You didnt win!

he moulded me
groomed me into
someone he wanted me to be
but who i didnt want to be
he took my virginity
never caring about my innocence
left used
bruised
and abused
abandoned
alone
out in the cold
raped, day after day
neverending torture
captured, seemed like it would be forever
but i never ever
gave up
and in the end
i got away
and am a stronger person because of it today
so you didnt win
you didnt break me
even though you wished you had

i wish

i wish i wish
that things were different
that i didnt know
that i didnt have to go
that the past didnt eat away at my soul
i wish i wish that i was whole
i wish for so much
i long to be normal
whatever normal looks like
for me normal would be
to get through a day
without flashbacks
to go through a night
without nightmares
to sleep without any cares
i wish i wish
i wish to be free
and to just be able to be light and carefree.

Flashbacks

my head spins
when does it end
thoughts race
i start to pace
back and forth
getting worse with each second
trying to ground
the dog helps
his fur is soft and warm
he licks me bringing me back to reality
oh how i love my dog
flashbacks hurt so much
they hit when you least expect it
there is no escaping them
but maybe, just maybe
i can bring myself out of them
and into the present
for now at least

POEM

I AM LONELY
I AM BLUE
I FEEL SAD
EVERYTHING FEELS UNTRUE
I FEEL OLD
I FEEL DEAD
I SPEND WAY TOO MUCH TIME INSIDE MY HEAD
ITS DARK
ITS GREY
I DONT LIKE LIVING HERE
BUT I DO IT EVERY DAY
WHEN WILL MY THOUGHTS AND EMOTIONS GET OUT
WHEN WILL THEY FINALLY BE ABLE TO BE
WHEN CAN I
FINALLY BE SET FREE?

LIZ