#SoCs reservation

I have reservations about therapy this week. I feel it will be a hard session. I’m not prepared.

I try to prepare myself for what may come up. Its been so hard lately.

So many new insiders are coming forward, insiders that have been further back and inside for years.

that’s ok, its good, but its hard.

there is a lot of internal chaos. the system is struggling to stay afloat.

we struggle a lot, but its much harder to hide it now. and I do have to hide it from some people. I cant act unstable with some family members, or friends.

i’m giving it over to Eileen. she will know how to help. I am trusting her to know how fast to go. I am trusting her with all this.

she has proven over and over that she is experienced and knows what to do how to guide us how to help us.

so I know I need to let her do her job, doesn’t stop me from worrying and becoming anxious though.

anxietys a killer. I feel it every single day. I hate having so much anxiety. I feel I am unable to cope with the level of anxiety I have.

just thinking about all this right now. but I need to sleep or try to. so I will get off line and shut down my pc for the night.

goodnight, world!


The Friday Reminder and Prompt for #SoCS June 16/18

Good news on the weight loss front

So I did it guys I lost one And a2 pounds tonight. I’m so delighted. Can’t believe it. I also got slimmer of the week. And I also won the raffle. I won a big basket of food and I also won a desert set

Here are a couple of photos of me with my certificates. 🙂

Bank holiday weekend

i’m at my parents house for the weekend. this weekends a bank holiday weekend here in ireland. not going to do much. not sure the weathers going to be good. there is an orange status weather warning for tonight, they said heavy rain and a lot of thunder and lightning, hope they’re wrong, otherwise I will be up all night with nitro. My sisters gone camping, she left today after lauren came out of school. She is gone to a country called carlow, a camp site there, on a farm, fun times, right? i hope they’ll enjoy their weekend, and thats another reason why i hope the weather is good and they were wrong about the bad weather. my pa came earlier and helped me clean my house. she changed my b ed, vacumed, mopped all the floors, washed dishes, ironed, dusted, etc etc. so now i have a nice clean house when i go home. i love fresh sheets, it’ll be nice to get into a freshly made bed. eileen texted me a little bit ago. we usually have therapy on monday but this next week it will be on thursday, thats due to the bank holiday. i’m glad she was able to fit me in on another day. you should have seen nitro when i got here he jumped all over me, i think he really missed me the past 2 days…i was also really happy to see him again. guys this is really bad but, im still reading a book i started weeks ago, i need to finish it this weekend, i really really want to review it and finishe it so hoping i will do it tonight or tomorrow.

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appointment with my new social worker

today i called our social worker and i made an appointment with her for next friday at 11:30. her name is mary. im needing help with a couple of things. mainly i need help applying for more pa hours. i also need help with applying for a funeral grant from a local organisation who give funding to abuse survivors, i know im still young but this grant is to pay for funeral expenses so that if anything happens and you died unexpectedly your family wouldnt be left with the bill. i’m entitled to it so i might as well apply for the funding. i also want her to help me apply for funding so that i can get my back yard slabbed. mom has COPD and she wont be able to continue cutting the grass, so i will need the slabbing done, otherwise someone will have to come in and cut my grass and i will have to pay them to do it, so in th e long run its better. i’m in a bit of a rush to apply for this stuff, because the cut off date is august. after that there wont be any more funding available. so hopefully she can help me out. i miss my old social worker karen still. but i guess i have to give mary a chance to prove herself. its just karen was so competent and awesome at her job. i miss her tons. im sure mary will be nice too though. we’ll see. all i can do is try and see how things go.
carol anne

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that is how i feel. chill, very very chill.
im enjoying a nice cuppa. i already took a nice hot shower. i miss nitro, the house is so quiet without him.
i can still hear the birds outside chirping away, at almost 10 PM.
My mood is good. More than good actually, I feel very very happy tonight.
long may it last!
Looking forward to going to bloom tomorrow. I’ve an early start. I have to make a 9:30 AM train, we’re all meeting at the train station at 9 AM.
i’ve been very organised, i made up a packed lunch, so i wouldnt have to buy any food while i am there, as they’ll probably only have very unhealthy foods to choose from.
its going to be a very full day. i wont get home until 9 Pm tomorrow night.
i’m sure i’ll be exhausted by then. as for tonight, its probable i wont sleep. i have the im not tired thing going on right now.

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the meds conversation with dr. barry

so we saw dr. barry. and we told her about the med situation.
willow couldnt do it, so i did. i didnt mind, i knew willow was extremely anxious about talking to her. she’d only ever spoken to her once before.
dr. barry was great. she was so understanding. we’re really lucky to have such an incredibly understanding doctor.
she asked me how long did i think we were off meds.
i say around 3 or 4 weeks. i said i knew we couldnt just go back on our original dose. she agreed we couldnt.
she said it was the priority to get us back on our seizure meds first. that because we had trevicta in our system, trevicta is our 3 monthly shot, for psych issues. but basically because we still had some of that in our system, the psych meds werent a priority and they will be started slowly over the next few weeks.
she gave me a prescription for depokate and keppra, the depokate is also for my mood, as well as for seizures. she told me that due to the exceptional circumstances of the situation that i should come back again to see her next week.
she wrote a note to my gp. she found it odd that he hadnt contacted me but she said maybe he was waiting for me to take the lead on that. and maybe when abode rang him and told him we’d been stockpiling meds he didnt want us having anything so he was waiting for us to come forward and ask for our monthly prescription.
we talked about ways in which we could monitor taking of our meds, and dr. barry asked me to ask our mom if she’d check our blister pack once a week, to make sure we are taking everything as we should. i dont know if she’ll be willing to do it but I’ll ask her.
i told dr. barry that we’d had a very intense therapy session on monday and that willow had gotten to talk about this with eileen. dr. barry was glad. she said we just want to prevent this situation from happening again.
i do, too. i really do.
it was an overall good apt though. she was great. i need not have worried.
she took what i told her in stride, she didnt even get mad at me, she said I should know her better than that. lol.

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Blog share. Brain games, no winner

This is a beautiful new blog and blogger to me, they write about their experiences of mental health, and life in general, go over, say hey, check out the blog, give them a follow, its well worth it!

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