A poem contribution by DV

I’d like to introduce you all to my good friend and fellow blogger, DV. Her bio and one of her poems is below.
Please pop on over to her blog and connect say hi support her, she is an amazing person!

Bio
Im an Australian doctor, artist, writer and mother coming to terms with longstanding mental health problems resulting from complex trauma. I started my blog Dangerous Voyage last year because I was inspired by reading about other peoples journeys through therapy, and I wanted to speak out too and to connect with people who understood what I was going through in a way that friends and family and therapists did not. The caring and support that I have received from being part of the blogging community has been amazing.

Blog address
https://dangerousvoyage.wordpress.com/

My poem: Hope

Hope is a flower
on a distant tree
thick fleshy petals
soft and white
dont touch
touch leaves bruises
dirty and brown
starts the rot
withering decay
I copy the flower in stone
thinking it will be strong
but that fails too
a brittle shell
which crumbles to dust at a touch
dont touch
just look
hope is a flower
on someone elses tree.

DV

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oooooo

fuck fuck fuck

my thoughts are racing. oh fuck. its baaad

i cant cope this these thoughts. just feel overwhelmed and sad.

oh gawd, why is it always at night?

why? i just want to sleep. but every time I try

The tears fall

Pain, raw pain

It threatens to overtake me

Think I should go sit with nitro, feel his soft fur against my cheek

now thats the best idea I’ve had all night

carol anne

Incident

there was a bit of an incident here today between myself and another resident. not a bad incident. but something that caused me to get a terrible fright.

this other resident is non verbal. he lives here. he’s one of the longterm clients that lives here. and he’s in a wheelchair.

i was walking down the hall with nitro on my way to class. all of a sudden i felt nitro tugging. and before i knew what was happening i went careering into Joes thats the residents name, wheelchair. obviously he couldnt tell me he was there because he cant speak! he uses his eyes to communicate, and i did find out later he was trying to let me know but since i cant see i couldnt see his attempts.

so yeah i went into his chair, and then i grabbed it because my instant reaction was oh my god its going to fall with him in it. i wasnt even thinking about well wheelchairs are heavy and it isnt like you can knock one over easily.

so i called out as i was holding the chair and nitro as well…poor nitro didnt know what was happening. so i called and two staff members came to my assistance. they sat me down and they pushed joe into the day centre, and one of them staff got me some water.

i was as white as a ghost by this stage. one of the staff members asked me what happened. at this point i wasnt sure, it was only later that i found out that nitros lead had gotten caught in the controls of joes electric chair, so i just said we had collided with one another. the other staff members went to speak with joe and tell him he had to slow down because he has a tendency to fly around in his chair.

i really felt in my heart for joe because he was all concerned about me and nitro. like i said he uses his eyes and he kept looking first at the staff member who was with me and then at me and nitro. i kept telling him i was ok and i asked him if he was ok.

luckily none of us got hurt. but i bet an incident report had to be written up. no one said it did but that is just a guess i have that probably one had to be written up about it.

I can honestly say though i’ve never needed a cup of tea more than I did after that incident! I went into the kitchen and one of my class mates offered to make it for me. i gladly accepted his offer.

later on in the afternoon the staff member who had been with me came back to see if i was definitely ok,i said sure i was and that i had just gotten a terrible scare. thats when she told me that it was actually that nitros lead had gotten stuck in the controls of joes wheelchair.
carol anne

LIZ

I REALLY WANT TO CUT TONIGHT. I AM HAVING BAD THOUGHTS. MY HEADS FEELS JUMBLED. AND FULL. SO, SO FULL. I NEED TO FEEL THE RELEASE. I’M TRYING HARD NOT TO DO IT. ITS GONE PAST 3 AM. I FEEL LIKE I AM FULL OF ENERGY. RED HOT ENERGY. AND THE URGE TO SELF HARM IS SO STRONG. I THINK ITS JUST BECAUSE BIG FEELINGS ARE COMING UP FOR ME. FEELINGS I DONT WANT TO DEAL WITH. SIGH, THERE’S ALWAYS SOMETHING ISNT THERE?
LIZ

good and productive day at the independent living skills course

busy day today at the ILS course!

in the morning we did a module called personal care and presentation. to be honest i found it a bit simplistic, i could have taught it myself. it was about hygiene, health care, dental care, how to present yourself etc. i should fly through the work and complete it in no time.

After break we cooked. There were only 3 of us in today so the kitchen was fairly empty. We made vegetable soup, or I should say, I made vegetable soup, because the other two did not do much of anything except watch me.

I didnt mind though, I enjoyed cooking, and I liked that I could do almost everything, I liked that I had the confidence to do all the chopping of vegetables, sauteing the vegetables, and stirring the soup and blending it once it was done cooking.

We put carrot, onion, leak, cellery, parsnip, and lentils into our soup. We also put spices in there, cumin and curry powder, salt and pepper.

It was so yummy. And there’s left overs for tomorrow too, yay.

After lunch I walked the 10 mins to the bus stop with Nitro. I did not want to at first, but my tutor pushed me, saying we wouldnt have time to go tomorrow and it would be good if I did go today so I went and I am so glad I did!

When I came back we had our weekly reviews, that is where you write up a sheet about what went well and what did not go so well this week. You also say a little about each class and you can add suggestions for new modules or things you’d like to see added to the programme. There is a space to for tutor comments.

My review went great. The comments I got were awesome. Enthuastic, willingness to learn, good contributor in class, energetic etc. I was really pleased.

There was one negative. My tutor kinda lectured me because she said I used the emergency buzzer in my room inappropriately. You see everyone has an emergency buzzer in their room. last week I pulled mine to ask someone to bring milk to me. The thing is staff thought I’d fallen, or something. And a bunch of them came running thinking I was in trouble.

So I was reppromanded for that today, which was fair enough I suppose.

After class ended I came upstairs, fed nitro, and sat down on the couch, thinking to myself, i’ll sit here for five mins before I go make some tea. Five mins turned into me falling asleep for an hour and a half! lol what can I say I must have needed it!

I’ve been just chilling out for the evening. I’ve started showering by night instead of in the mornings so that I can have a little extra time in bed in the mornings, plus, its getting colder outside now, and I dont want to go outside with wet hair.

so yeah good day overall.
carol anne