allie missing eileen

I miss Eileen tonight.

we shoulda been having our session today. but we didn’t cuz it was a bank holiday.

we’ll see her on Thursday. but it seems so far away.

I did email her though. I told her how much I loved her. and am missing her.

I took out her rose scent and sniffed it over and over. I don’t care if people think I’m weird. Eileen gave me the empty bottle and I always smell it and the scent still hasn’t gone out of it.

I also listened to her reading in my heart to me. I have that recorded. she said we can read another book soon. I cant wait. I will record her reading to us again. we left the book today I feel silly, and other moods that make my day in her office. so we’ll probably read that one.

Thursday better come quick. I need to go to therapy.
I need a hug from Eileen.

allie, age 9


triggers defused!

well ya’ll will be happy to know, I am no longer feeling triggered. Big sigh!
So thrilled, mostly I managed to defuse it on my own.
I watched tv, and later in the evening I took a hot shower.
I washed with my fave soap and glory shower gel, it smells soooo good!
It grounded me. I felt so much better after the shower.
Nothing like a hot shower to soothe your soul.
I cuddled with nitro, I read the blogs of some of you, I still have a lot to catch up on but I am slowly getting through the posts.
Its almost 1 AM. I doubt I sleep tonight. I think I got way too much sleep this weekend. I slept a lot. Its ok though if I don’t sleep tonight. I wont worry about it.
Tomorrow is an easyish day. I do need to go volunteering though. I’ll get there though. I’ll manage even if I don’t sleep much tonight.
Just happy I defused the triggers on my own.

Song of the day. Dreaming of you

I am choosing this song today in honour of my partner, Jess. Who I miss so much every day and I cannot wait until I can talk to her which will be some time this week.

For you Jessmess, I love you babe…


Em. Struggling

hhihih it me Emily
I’m struggling tonight. I feel so gross. I feel unlovable. fat. ugly. and I hate how I feel. and I hate my body.

it disgusts me. I hate how I look. I know we are losing weight. and people have noticed it. commented that we are looking fab. I don’t see it though.

I just feel so sad. sad and lonely and unloved and unseen in my struggle.

Emily age 12


Amys feel good friday tune


Prayers guys

my mom is in the ER. She has COPD and she had a couple of breathing attacks today so she went to her gp and the gp gave her steroids. She’s had two courses of steroids over the last month. Anyway when she came home from the gp’s she went to try to do her grocery shopping with my sister. But when she got there she started to have another breathing attack. So my sister took her to the ER. I think she’ll be there a while, she said they are very busy. I’ll update as soon as I have news but would appreciate if you’d pray for her.
carol anne


not this week

I’m not going to the preschool for work experience this week.
I decided not to go in, because of this headcold. I know its getting better but I’m not fully better yet and I dont want to spread germs and pass whatever I have on to the kids.
Plus also, money is an issue this week. I usually have someone here at abode take me there, and then make my own way home. Unfortunately I dont have enough money to get a taxi home though so even if I had not have been sick, I’d still have had the money issue.
I’ll probably take a half day tomorrow and go home early. and then I have a week off, yay!
Mood wise I feel good right now. Everyones been congradulating me on my weight loss. Its making me feel so good about myself.