HURTING…

I AM HURTING EVERYTHING IS A MESS MY EMOTIONS ARE ALL OVER THE PLACE I CANT DEAL I JUST CANT DEAL I FEEL SO OVERWHELMED I WANT TO CUT I THINK THAT’D MAKE ME FEEL BETTER AT LEAST TEMPORARILY I KNOW I WONT THOUGH I WILL NOT DO WHAT MY EMOTIONS ARE TELLING ME TO DO THOUGH INSTEAD I WILL SIT HERE I WILL READ MY BOOK I WILL DRINK COFFEE I WILL TRY NOT TO WALLOW I WILL TRY TO DISTRACT BY GOING THROUGH EMAIL AND THEN FACE TIMING MY FRIEND LATER TONIGHT I COULD REALLY USE SOME SUPPORT IF ANYONE CAN MANAGE IT
THANKS,
LIZ

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Such a wonderful day

We had a terrific day today me, mom and my sister.

We went to two beaches, in west cork. They were just awesome. I love the sea and being by the ocean makes me feel so good.

We first stopped off and had lunch at Inchydoney beach, we sat at picnic tables and ate our food. Tons of birds came over and we fed them as well as feeding ourselves.

They were so friendly. You’d know they were used to people.

After our lunch we walked on the beach, the kids were collecting shells and rocks, they were trying to find rock pools. We found a little cave, i posted a few pics of it.

Then after our walk we decided to drive on to another beach, its a beach where I spent many a childhood holiday, i have very happy memories of being there when I was about 8 or 9 years old. So we wanted to see it again as it had been years since we’d been there and it had been refurbished.

We spent about an hour walking on the beach, enjoying the sea air and reminiscing about old days and old times.

My niece Lauren was dipping her feet in the waves but the lifeguard came up to us and told her not to do that because he said there were rip tides and it was dangerous.

I checked my ap on my phone to see how many steps i did in total today, it told me i did 8 thousand and 50 steps in total and walked 3.4 miles. I thought that was amazing.

Then after our little beach tour we drove on to the festival we were going to. We had fun there there were lots of street entertainers and food stalls. And music, etc. there was also a lot for the kids to do and everything was free of charge.

We spent about 2 hours there. We really enjoyed it. I’m shattered now. It took an hour each way to get there and back to my parents house.

I plan on relaxing for the rest of this evening.

I’M JUST SAD

I FEEL SAD DONT KNOW WHATS UP WITH ME TONIGHT I JUST FEEL BAD TONIGHT FEEL INSECURE AND DEPRESSED SAD AND ALONE NUMB AND EMOTIONAL ALL AT ONCE IT SUCKS I HATE IT I WISH I COULD TURN OFF MY FEELINGS I WOULD REALLY LOVE IT IF I COULD DO THAT BUT I CANT I JUST HAVE TO GRIN AND BEAR IT I GUESS I WISH WE COULD TALK TO JESS THATS CAROL ANNES PARTNER I WANT TO KNOW HOW SHE IS SHE IS STILL IN RESIDENTIAL IN A FACILITY BUT SHE HAS HER PHONE TURNED OFF AND WE TRIED RINGING THE PATIENT PHONE BUT NOBODYS ANSWERING IT SO WE HAVENT TALKED TO HER IN A FEW MONTHS AND WE MISS HER IN FACT I MISS HER WHOLE SYSTEM SHES MULTIPLE TOO ANYWAY OH WELL WHAT DO YOU DO NOTHING I GUESS BETTER GO TAKE MY MEDS NOW
LIZ

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Poetry

look around
dont make a sound
i sit
i think, do I quit?
CanI make it?
questions I ask myself
while I sit
hoping
praying
for a happy ending
For an end to the pain
Before I go insane
hold tight
This long long night
It shall pass
and before I know it
It will be light outside
A new day will preside

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Unsettled

ug i feel so bla. anxiety is high right now.
im not able to sleep. its almost 4 am. still wide awake.
think i’ll go make another cup of coffee, i know coffee isnt that good for helping anxiety but I need something to keep me going.
just feel very unsettled right now.

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#whatif prompt 6-10-18

Today the prompt over at what if we all cared is, sleeping in the park!

Lucky for me I’ve never had to sleep rough. Never had to sleep on a park bench on the street. I feel so lucky that I havent ever had to do this.
My cousin is not so lucky. He sleeps rough. He is a heroin addict. He has a hard life, I used to be close to him when we were kids, but now I’m very scared of him.
Scared because he steals, he hurts people, he doesnt think, all he cares about is drugs, and where he gets his next fix.
It must be such a sad existence. I think to be homeless must be one of the worst things ever, the sad thing is he has a home, but he cant live there because of his drug addiction. His dad refuses to let him stay, I can see why.

Check out the daily prompt
https://whatifweallcared.wordpress.com/2018/06/10/whatif-prompt-for-6-10-18/

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