Miracle of miracles, I slept! For five whole hours! Yay so thrilled!
I woke with a bloody nightmare which wasnt cool though.
I hate nightmares, they leave me so vulnerable.
I got up though, drank some water, and got online. I also went over and patted nitro, because, he soothes me.
I am feeling better now. I am looking forward to spending time with Rose later on today. I will have to try to get back on track with my healthy eating, because last night I really splurged!
Oh well the kids deserved a treat, they’ve had a tough time of it this week.
Thanks for all the support guys, you are all amazing. Dont know what I’d do without my crew!
And I shake
The pain is real
Everythings so surreal
Hands press against my skin
And I begin
To violently shake
Memories threaten to take
Me away from reality
And I cant see
My eyes burn
And my stomach churns
so i got home from the movie night a little bit ago. there were 10 of us who went to see the young offenders. its an irish made movie, actually its all about cork where I live. it is so funny. but i doubt people who arent from cork would get the humour in it. especially if you didnt know cork slang…i laughed all through the movie though. we all did. i treated the littles to popcorn and coke, so they were in heaven. i also treated them to a burger after the movie. we all went to super macs after the movie for food. ok we all didnt go, but five of us went. it was nice. the entry into the movie was free because its culture night in cork tonight. afterwords sitting in supermacs we me and denise were saying how we should go on more outings outside of the basement club, just us members no staff. we were thinking of maybe going to the movies more often. i shared a taxi home with susan whose another member. so it only cost me 4 euro to get home. i thought that was a pretty sweet deal. too bad i had to see a fight take place outside the taxi base. there was this man and woman both drunk. the woman was in her 30’s, not sure about the man. she was screaming and shouting at him. telling him she was not going to put up with his shit, that she’d had enough, that he was a disgrace etc. then all of a sudden she flung him into the window. i mean literally she smashed his face into the payne of glass. the glass didnt break luckily. but what a fright i got. thank god i was with susan. i was very scared. the thing is after she did that they both just walked away as if nothing had happened. i was happy they did go because to be honest i would have been scared to go past them to get to our taxi. but i hope the man was ok. this is why i rarely go into town on a weekend night. you just never know what you’ll be faced with in there. i was feeling tired on the way home but now i seem to have gotten my second wind. i’ll probably stay up late tonight because i dont have to go anywhere tomorrow. i am going to see rose though. she’s invited me over. its the fourth time she’s invited me over in four weeks so i feel i have to go because i’ve been promising her for a month now. mom and my sister are going out to the beach i think. i told mom it is going to rain tomorrow. they’ll be the only people on the beach lol. she said they’d use umbrellas. then she said my sister might take the kids swimming if it rains. other than that i dont have plans for the rest of the weekend. it’ll be just getting prepared for respite on monday. i dont go to respite until monday afternoon, first i have to go see eileen in the morning. i told kristen today that she didnt have to take me out while i was on respite. there is an induction taking place at the basement club for new members next thursday morning. i want to go in then to meet the new members and make them feel welcome. we were all new at one time and it can be very daunting when you dont know anyone. i feel i have a duty to make the new people feel at home because i am a volunteer in there as well as a member. plus i just want to do it too just because i am nice lol.
So a couple of months ago, I emailed the big brother big sister programme to ask about volunteering for the organisation. At the time no one got back to me. It was way back in March when I emailed them. I forgot about it after a while, thinking they werent recruiting any new volunteers. Then this morning someone from there sent me an email asking if I was still interested in volunteering. I am. She sent me the FAQS and told me to read them and told me in the email that if I was still interested after reading them to give her a call to arrange a meeting. So I did. She didnt pick up so I am awaiting a call back from her to arrange the meeting. For those who dont know what big brother big sister is it is a programme for vulnerable young people, where a volunteer is matched with a young person and they become that young persons big brother or big sister, like a sort of mentor to the young person. They meet with the young person once a week to do an activity like art, going for coffee, to the movies, etc. Basically whatever the young person wants to do. I really liked the idea of doing this and now its looking like I might be able to. I’m really chuffed cant wait to meet the organiser to chat about it. I feel I’d have a lot to offer a young person, especially a young person with a disability or with mental illness. So we will see where this goes.
hey everyone. its carol anne here.
I’m at the basement club volunteering. I’m almost finished my shift now though.
I have been here all morning. Its pretty busy in here today. There were some new people which was nice, I like meeting new potential members.
A group of members are going to the cinema tonight to see the movie the young offenders which is being screened for culture night. The tickets were free on a first come first served basis. I am looking forward to it.
I will stay for lunch I brought mine with me. The centre is closing early today because 2 of the staff are out. Colette is out with a broken arm, and bruno is on a day off. So the co-ordinator denise is on her own and she is very stressed out.
I hope everyone is having a good friday.
i feel good now again because eileen just called me. she sent me a message asking if i can talk. i am volunteering at the basement club this morning but i was able to talk to her. she told me that i am too young to be doing the volunteering, that i needed to let carol anne do it. i told her carol anne was depressed and hadnt been out very much this week at all. but i was able to call for her and she was able to come out and talk to eileen too so that was good. now she is back and i feel much better. i knew eileen wouldnt let me down i knew she’d come through for me.
she said we can talk more on monday but for now she was just checking in with us. she didnt have much time but thats ok. even a small check in helps.