The conclusion I’ve come to about sleep

I spoke with my CPN Sarah yesterday morning. We had a long chat about sleep and how mines been so all over the place lately.
I told her about last week when I’d gone almost 48 hours without sleep. She was horrified! She couldnt believe it!
She asked me if my mood had plummeted, and if I’d become more irritable as a result of lack of sleep. I said yes, definitely. I told her I had no patience for anything or anyone, that I was just feeling so exhausted and overwhelmed.
Then I said to her that I’ve come to the conclusion that I need meds to be able to sleep. I’ve thought about it and its true. If I dont have haldol, I dont sleep. If I dont sleep for a couple of days, then I need to take the fenergan, so that I get a good couple of hours all at once. Thats just how it is for me now.
She said its hard, depending on meds to be able to sleep, but she said at least the ones I am on arent addictive. I can stop them at any time, with no side effects. No withdrawals. I am so glad that thats the case.
I only have dr. barry to thank for that. She refuses to prescribe benzos. Or sleeping pills. I wouldnt want to be on them anyway. I dont need to become addicted.
Its hard to take though knowing that I have to depend on something to sleep. It makes me feel horrible, but I am trying to just accept it, there really isnt a lot that I can do, it is what it is.