today marks 2 years since we self harmed, or overdosed. I’m very proud of how far we’ve come.
Its hard to resist the urge to do something when we are desperate, but we havent, and I am proud of that fact.
Heres to another year self harm free!
what one item do you wish you owned but you cant afford it?
today has been pretty tough. it should have been therapy day. but eileen is on break for a week, and then next week we wont see her either because of it being a bank holiday here on the monday. we were very emotional all day today. teary, sad, feeling alone and lonely. wishing we could see eileen. thinking how much the break really sucks. needing her, needing our attachment so bad. it was just a mess. we tried everything to distract. we managed to be ok but it was literally all we could do to pull it off and act ok for our mom and dad and sister this morning. luckily our sister dropped us home at about 12:30 so we could drop the mask once we got indoors. we stayed home for the rest of the day, we only had to see our home help who came at 5 to help us cook dinner. we tried to be normal for her too. i think she noticed how we were pretty silent though and not really engaged with her. we have had a good day food wise, eating a healthy breakfast of fruit and a healthy dinner of beef stir fry with rice. so i guess thats something to be proud of. we also managed 10 minutes on the treadmill. so i guess its not all bad. tomorrow is our sisters birthday. the whole family are going out to lunch to celebrate. its something to look forward to and take my mind off of thinking about therapy and the break. we also need to go grocery shopping in the morning with kristen. so we’ll be busy. we have a shopping list, we’re going to follow that to a t, otherwise we tend to buy things we dont even want or need, not to mention we buy junk food as well. i’m hoping tonight wont be too bad, but its starting to look like we wont sleep. its 11 PM now and I took our night meds at around 9:30. I watched a little tv and then tried to settle down but nope it wasnt happening. i feel incredibly anxious and tense. i keep pacing and checking all the doors in the house. i have the tv on and i am trying to watch and read email and blogs all at once. i just dont feel too good tonight. hopefully it will pass and things wont get worse. its just been a crap Monday.
my dad went to visit the gastroenterologist yesterday. he found out he has ulcerative colitis. he’s been having a pretty severe flare up of it for the last 2 weeks, with constant vomiting and diarrhea.
the gastro doc said she’d do a kolonoskopy in a couple of weeks, to see how things have progressed over the last 2 months. he may have to have an operation to fit a stoma bag, but that is the last resort. they are going to try every other option first to try and get it under control.
he saw the dietician too yesterday, she gave him info on foods to avoid, and she prescribed nutrition drinks to put weight on him.
Its a worrying time for the whole family.
There is no cure for ulcerative colitis. Just have to keep monitoring it and hope the flare ups stop and he goes into remission.
You’re off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting,
So… get on your way!
If you have the courage to change yourself for the better, right at this very moment, then you are already a success. Moreover, the immense joy this will give you is far more important than any wealth.
Leandro E. Pasamba