I still get to see dr. barry tomorrow! Yay!

So the corona virus hasnt shut everything down yet thank god!
I thought Dr. Barry may not have her outpatient clinic tomorrow. But she is going ahead with it. So I will get to see her yay!
I talked with her secretary this morning and she confirmed it for me. I was so relieved! 3 weeks now since I’ve seen her, I am feeling like I really need to see her!
We have a lot to discuss, but mainly we need to discuss med options. So we’ll definitely be talking over what to do about my increased anxiety, dissociation, lack of sleep etc.
I know she’ll have good advice for me, she always does. I love how we can be so honest with one another, really real, you know?
Anyway I am just so relieved I will have my appointment tomorrow. Its a huge weight off my mind. I am so thankful for Dr. Barry.

Virus-free. www.avg.com

Bad dream!

I just woke up from a nightmare. I’m literally terrified.

I was afraid to get up. I did eventually manage it. But oh man. the fear. Its awful!

In the dream, I was being chased. By someone who was going to kill me. They were just about to catch me when I woke up.

I’m so glad I woke up!

I hate dreams like that! So so scary!

I’m gonna be up for the rest of the night now I think. Its only 2:09 AM. I think Nitro needs to go outside, more reasons to be scared, I’m afraid to let him out but if I have to I will.

I think when I come in I’ll make a cup of tea. The littles are very spooked, and are wanting to reach out to Eileen so I think I’ll let them email her.

Not a good night

I didnt sleep very well last night. I’ve been up since about 4:30.

I just wasn’t able to stay asleep. I really wanted to but I just couldn’t.

My sleep is gone to hell lately!

I’m not impressed. Of course if my anxiety was less I might have some chance of getting good sleep. Fat chance of that, though.

My anxiety is really bad!

Thank god for clonidine and cups of tea!

Where would I be without them!

pain, pain, everywhere!

There is so much pain
in my heart
in my body
In my mind
in my soul
the pain overflows
oh sweet pain
I long for release
I long for you
To just disappear
If you wont
Then I long
To disappear instead
Take me,
Your breaking me

She hasnt responded yet

Eileen hasn’t responded to my text from earlier. I sent it at around 5:15 this evening. I thought she’d have seen it by now. I wish she’d respond. Its probably too late for her to respond now though, as its almost 10 PM.

We’re still feeling bad. We’re very overwhelmed. Very edgy. Agitated, and feeling very depressed.

We’re doing things to distract us from our thoughts. Reading, talking and texting with friends, drinking tea, etc etc.

I am really hoping we’ll be able to sleep tonight. I’m not holding my breath though. If we do sleep it will be a miracle. Normally when we are feeling like this its hard for us to sleep.

I’ll just have to get my ear looked at

Well, remember the ear troubles I had?
They’re back, this time with avengence! I woke up with my ear full and hardly able to hear a thing. Its so uncomfortable.
I had put oil in my ear last night, before I went to bed. But no joy. It did nothing.
I should have went in to have my ears siringued!
Why didn’t I do it early in the week! I was too lazy that’s why!
Now it is going to impact my weekend!
I will definitely be ringing my gp on Tuesday morning, I cant do it on Monday as Monday is a bank holiday here.
I hope that when I go to have bloods taken next Friday, the nurse can do my ears then as well.
In the meantime I will just have to put up with the discomfort, and the disorientation of not being able to hear, its very disorientating.

Toothless!

My nephew had 10 teeth out on Tuesday! He’s only 6. They were his baby teetth. They wouldn’t fall out, and were caught in his gums. So he had to have them pulled out. He was meant to have 8 of them out, but when the dentist went in she said there were two more that were very loose so she took those as well.

It was hell for him at the dentist. He was so upset. He didn’t like the gas and air. He said it tasted awful. It took 3 tries for them to get him to take it. In the end they had to sedate him because he was so distressed and he wouldn’t lie down to take it.

Mom went to the dentist with my sister, and thank goodness she did. My sister, upon seeing Davin so upset, got very upset too. She also got frustrated, and being both upset and frustrated at the same time is not a good mix. In the end my mom went in to the operating theatre with him and settled him down, and my sister went to get a coffee.

When he came out of the anaesthetic, he was very upset because they’d taken all of his teeth, he kept breaking down crying, and saying he was gummy and where were his teeth, he wanted them back, poor little guy!

He’s been off school since Tuesday but thankfully he hasn’t been in too much pain. His adult teeth are coming down, but they’ll take a month or two to grow fully in. In the meantime he has no teeth, and he’s so traumatised over that. I saw him today and he kept saying to me, I wish I could get my teeth back!