I got to have time with Eileen this week, I like that. We talked about a lot of things and are used the punters. I never used them before. They helped me to be able to bring up memories, and they weren’t all bad memories either. Some of the more happy memories, like memories of being in preschool and the phone are used to have when I was there. We talked about the assessment and I told Eileen I am upset with Doctor Barry because she thinks I don’t take my mads because I want to stay sick but that’s not true I don’t take the medication because it makes me feel sick especially since I overdosed so many times on medication before and so when I take it it makes me feel sick like I’m gonna throw up. I do like Doctor Barry I’m just murdered her right now. I will have to talk to her and tell her that the reasons why I don’t take my medication sometimes are not the same reasons that she thinks. Right now though I don’t want to talk to her I just want to talk with Eileen. We talk about my feelings and how sometimes I feel very hopeless and very sad and like I want today. Eileen said that was very sad. She keep me some homework for the week. I’m supposed to do one activity and take time for myself and do something nice. So I think I’ll probably listen to music and look up some information about butterfly something like butterflies a lot. I know this phone is messing up and not getting all my words right I think it doesn’t understand my voice sometimes. Dictation can be a bit of a nightmare sometimes. Anyway I like having time in therapy and I hope I can have time again soon
This week me and nitro did the route to the bus stop twice. He is getting much better at finding the bus stop for me. I am using food as an incentive and it is working like a dream. He found the bus stop on the first day with a bit of coaxing, I gave him a treat once he found it. Today I forgot to bring the treats with me. I told him to find the bus and he found the bus stop brought me to the seat and then looked at my hand for a treat. He’s so funny. I’m so proud of him he’s doing a great job my confidence is also growing and I feel in another few days I’ll have this part of the roof complete and I will be able to do it successfully on my own. My trainer Natalie is coming out on 11 December, I hope she will be proud of all the hard work we are doing. I think sometimes people think when you’re blind and you’re using a guy dog that you can just get from one place to another easily, that there is no work involved in it that the dog does everything but that’s not true, you have to know where you’re going, the dog is only there to guide you around obstacles, he won’t do anything else, you need to know yourself exactly where it is you’re going.
yes thats me, a nightowl. i cant sleep. probably because i slept late today, until 1:15 PM. so now I am up. its gone 2 AM. of course I’ve had plenty of cups of coffee. I started the prazacin tonight. 1 mg of it. so far no side effects thank goodness. liz is struggling tonight. she said she is feeling depressed. apathetic. she wrote a poem about it and after writing she said she felt better. when liz struggles it effects me. that is because we are connected. we feel each others feelings and when one of us does bad then the other usually is doing bad too. i’m sitting here now listening to apple music and catching up on blog ; posts. Is anyone awake? Are you struggling tonight? If so I’m here, struggling too, reach out to me and we can chat.
Oi, sup people! Its me with another installment of my crazy life. i’m very very tired! but unable to sleep. i decided that maybe if i shouwered sleep might come you know warm water, relaxation time, etc? but no! not a hope! where am i going wrong! its either no sleep or sound sleep but no inbetween! at least i have the prazazin to try now though, along with a sleep med, zimovane! for four nights dr. barry has prescribed zimovane, so i hope that will help too. i just took my night meds a couple minutes ago. think i will go watch a little tv before i go to bed. not sure what i should watch though. maybe fuller house, or just full house the old show, thats light, and nice and tame. and i need tame! no triggers before bed! tomorrow i am making my xmas cake. i am excited. i wont ice it tomorrow but the main cake will be made. i’ll be sure and post a picture! so watch out for it tomorrow at some point. its been a pretty productive week so far this week on the ILS course. we did team work, personal effectiveness, career preparation, and tomorrow we’ll have health and nutrition, they are cooking soup again though, i’m like i dont want to cook soup again! so many of them on the course wont eat anything they are plain eaters, so a lot of recipes are out but i’m lucky, i get to cook my own stuff so thats good i get to make what i want and i plan on making a lot of different foods. i plan on making chili, and spaghetti bolognes, and lasagna, and red pepper and butternut squash soup, and shepherds pie, and pasta bake, and casserole too! as well as a few cakes and other delicious gooddies thrown in for good measure! do you like to cook or bake? do you have any favourite shows on tv right now or from the past? are you a night owl or a morning person?
catch yall soon guys! ❤ xxx
I’m in the middle of volunteering at cork city partnership right now. I’m really tired today. I almost fell asleep during my digital media class this morning. I went to bed around 2 AM and I managed to sleep, and I slept so soundly once I dropped off that I never woke up until one of the staff came in at 7:30 to call me. Even then I struggled to get out of bed.
So I’m pretty wrecked today. My eyes just keep closing. Its terrible.
I’m not too busy this afternoon though. So thats good at least.
I’m on reception…answering the phones and typing up emails and things.
I love this volunteer job. I love the people here. They’re all so lovely.
I get treated so respectfully and it feels so good, like I am a part of their team.
I’m finishing up here at 4:30 and going to mom and dads for something to eat before heading out to college for 7 PM.
I’ll get back to abode for about 10:30 pm.
Hoping I can manage to stay awake until then.
today i saw dr barry. it went well as it always does. i was glad i got to see her. i had to cancel last week due to my aunts funeral, so i didnt see her last week. we talked about my aunts funeral today. and we talked about my really bad anxiety. she was curious as to why the anxiety was so bad. she wanted to know if i knew the link. i didnt really know. i took a guess and had a bit of a clue but am not sure or fully convinced. i told her i hadnt been sleeping well either. monday night being an awful night. last night was ok though, i told her it flucuates, i can sleep good for two or three nights, then i’m back to not sleeping again. its so frustrating. she did not really give me any new suggestions, just said we’d keep an eye on things. that will do for now. i still need to talk to her about meds, about the med for ptsd and night terrors. i havent done that yet. i forgot today. we talked about our assessment coming up on december 8th. i told heri had asked mom if she wanted to go but that she’d said no. she said she thought my mom found it really difficult to say things to me, and so it was probably hard for her to admit that she couldnt cope with going to it. i thought that is probably true. i also told her about saying to mom last night while we were on the phone, at the end of our conversation, i love you, and mom never said it back, but then when we hung up a couple minutes later a text came in and it said i love you too. i guess she couldnt verbalise it to me on the phone, it was easier for her to write it in a text. dr barry told me there is now a new social worker, to replace karen. her name is mary. i asked her if she is young or old, she said she wasnt as young as karen, but she wasnt that old either. she said she is a little overwhelmed having just started this week, so could we wait a week or two to do introductions. i said sure that’d be ok with me. we also chatted a bit about therapy. over all it was a very good session. it felt so good to see dr barry. safe, familiar, and most of all validating.
I feel very sad. I’m feeling alone and very afraid. Seeing dr Barry this morning. Think we will have a lot to talk about. If anyone’s around I could usee a friend