Describe your mood today in 3 words?
SO AFTER WRITING THE LAST POST ABOUT BEING IN CRISIS, I WENT TO BED. I DIDNT TEXT EILEEN, I DECIDED I’D WAIT AND HANG TOUGH, SEE IF I WOULD BE ABLE TO RIDE IT OUT ON MY OWN. THANKFULLY I WAS ABLE TO, AND I AM GONNA EMAIL EILEEN THIS MORNING TO UPDATE HER. I KNOW SHE’S GONNA BE SO PROUD OF US FOR BEING ABLE TO GET THROUGH A TOUGH NIGHT ON OUR OWN. SHE’LL PROBABLY SAY I SHOULD’VE REACHED OUT, BUT TO BE HONEST, WE’D HAD A LOT OF CONTACT WITH HER ALREADY THIS WEEK, AND I WASNT SO SURE SHE’D APPRECIATE IT IF I TEXTED AGAIN IN CRISIS SO SOON. I KNOW YOU CANT HELP WHEN A CRISIS HITS, BUT I JUST DONT LIKE TO BOTHER HER TOO MUCH. EVEN THOUGH SHE’S TOLD ME ITS FINE, AND THAT I CAN ALWAYS TEXT OR EMAIL HER IF THE NEED ARISES. ANYWAY, I WENT TO BED, AT 8:30 AND I FELL INTO A DEEP SLEEP. IT WAS BLISS. I SLEPT FOR 5 HOURS AND WOKE UP FEELING WAY BETTER. MUCH BRIGHTER. I GOT UP AND LET NITRO OUT, HAD A SHOWER, MADE A COFFEE, AND AM NOW SITTING HERE READING EMAIL. THE CRISIS HAS PASSED…YAY. AM SO THRILLED. AND WE DIDNT SELF HARM. ANOTHER WIN. THIS MORNINGS GOING TO BE A BUSY ONE FOR US. OUR PA FRANCES COMES AT 9, AND WE GOTTA GO TO THE STORE TO BUY GROCERIES. I HAVENT BEEN TO A STORE SINCE ALL THIS SOCIAL DISTANCING STARTED, SO I AM A LITTLE APPREHENSIVE ABOUT GOING. I HEARD THEY’RE ONLY ALLOWING A COUPLE PEOPLE IN AT A TIME, AND YOU HAVE TO GET IN LINE IF YOU WANT TO GO IN. I DO NEED FOOD THOUGH SO I’LL BRAVE THE STORE. I’M GOING TO WALK THERE, ITS ABOUT A HALF HOUR FROM MY HOUSE. THE FRESH AIR WILL DO US GOOD. I’LL GET A TAXI HOME AFTERWORDS. I ALSO AM WORKING ON FRIENDLY CALL TODAY, WAS MEANT TO HAVE NEXT WEEK OFF OF WORK BUT NOW IT ISNT HAPPENING, I HAVE TO WORK AGAIN ALL 5 DAYS NEXT WEEK. AT LEAST ONCE I GET DONE TODAY I’LL HAVE THE WEEKEND OFF. I’M GOING TO FIND SOMETHING ON NETFLIX AND BINGE WATCH IT. ANYONE GOT ANY RECOMMENDATIONS FOR ME? OR SOMETHING ON AMAZON PRIME? I’M LOOKING FOR GOOD SHOWS TO WATCH, SO IF ANYONE HAS ANY LET ME KNOW. WELL THATS ABOUT IT FOR NOW….THANK YOU TO EVERYONE FOR THE SUPPORTIVE COMMENTS YOU LEFT FOR ME. WE ALL APPRECIATE THEM. YOU ALL ROCK!
She called me! I wasnt expecting a call from her at all! I had postponed my apt, or I was thinking it would be postponed, when I said I didnt wanna go up to the clinic due to the coronavirus outbreak. But she called me! I didnt recognise her voice when she called, and she was like, hi carol anne? And I was like, whose this? I was surprised someone was calling me who knew my name! Then of course she’s like its me Dr. Barry, and I went, oh! Hi! Thanks for calling me! It was such a nice thing! So good to chat to her! She said they are doing most appointments via phone for now at least, but they may move to using zoom later on in the month, they are awaiting the technology from their employer. If they start using zoom, that will be 3 things that I am doing that are now using it. Therapy, slimming world, and dr. barry. Good thing I learned how to use it! We talked about working from home, and she encouraged me to do my work from just one room in my house, and then to have some wind down time afterwords, which I was doing anyway. She said its important for me to take care of me during all this, do a lot of self care stuff. I am taking next week off from working, as I’ve worked every day for the last 2 weeks, and its taxing, and overwhelming to listen to people being so anxious and upset and depressed. It doesnt make me feel any less anxious or fearful thats for sure. So I’ll take a week off next week, and Dr. Barry encouraged me to do that. We talked about the social worker contacting me, which happened recently. She’s helping me to try to get more PA hours. She’s a new social worker, so I dont know her and I told Dr. Barry I wasnt very open with her since I didnt know her. Dr. Barry told me she’d explained to her about me having did, and she told me to trust her, and that the new social worker is very thorough, and she did seem that way when I spoke to her last week. We talked a little about therapy, and about meds, and about my plans now for traveling. That was most of the appointment, she said she’d make another appointment for me for 2 weeks time, and that she’d phone me again, which I am so glad about. Its a bit weird not seeing her face to face. Even she said the same thing, she said its very weird doing it over the phone. Its actually the first time me and Dr. Barry have spoken on the phone. I’m just so touched that she decided not to postpone my appointment, and that she took it upon herself to call me, even though I’d said I’d be ok with postponing, I made that decision in a rush, and was sorry after I’d made it, but now I still had my appointment, which is great.
I am so anxious! I feel absolutely terrible!
I want to cancel my therapy session this morning! That’s not a good sign, as I almost never want to do that. I’m not gonna cancel it, but I really don’t feel up to having a session this morning.
However, I’ll push on through. I’ll tell Eileen how I am feeling. Maybe putting words on it is going to help me. I hope so!
I have 3 hours before the session. I need a cup of coffee and a good cry. I really feel like shit!
Is anyone around? Could use some support if you are!
I just love my sister. She’s such a huge help to me. With my mom having to stay home just in case she catches the coronavirus, my sister came over today to my house and cleaned my yard, she cleaned the dog poop. And she washed dishes, cleaned my kitchen, hung out laundry and did a couple other things. We had a good catch up. She came over in between jobs. So she was going on to work after stopping by at my house. She stayed here for about an hour. It was nice to see her. Other than my PA on Tuesday and my slimming world consultant on Monday, I havent really seen anyone other than my next door neighbour. I dont know when I am going to see my mom again. For now I need to just stay home and not go out. Its hard, sometimes boring, but it is what needs to happen. I wont see anyone now until Friday morning, when my pa will come again. I’ll have to go out then which will be nice. I am nervous about leaving the house, but today during our therapy session eileen encouraged me to go for small walks if I could. She said its good to get resh air. I agree it is. I worked this afternoon. I made my calls and that went well. All of my clients were in a good space all except one who was feeling very down and depressed. I think I cheered her up though as she said she was delighted to hear from me. I rang my supervisor after I finished my calls to give her an update. She said next week we’d be changing the lists around so I would have different clients to call next week. Thats good as I think if the same client had the same volunteer every day for weeks on end it would get boring. right. Am off to make a coffee now and then facetime my friend sarah.
I’ve had a pretty good day today. It was very relaxed.
I spent most of it at my parents house. My sister came with the kids for dinner, I had my leftovers for dinner, and the dinner that my dad made today I will have it tomorrow.My sister dropped me home this afternoon after dinner.
Before she did that, she helped me apply for my US visa. My application is still pending. They said it would be processed within 72 hours.
Once I got home my mom did a few things around the house and then she left. I decided to take a nap, which turned into a 3 hour nap, so now I am wide awake.
Its 11 PM here now. I am thinking I wont get much sleep tonight. I have therapy in the morning, and I am meant to have a mobility lesson too tomorrow afternoon. However the weather is supposed to be very bad, we’re supposed to get a ton of heavy rain. So it is going to depend on how wet it is as to what way the lesson will go. If its very wet we may go to a local shopping centre to work.
I hope the night wont be too long now that I am awake and probably will be for most of it. Sometimes it drags on forever. I hope I can find some things to do that will keep me distracted and keep my mind from racing because I hate it when that happens.
My anxiety isnt very high right now, I’m praying it stays low. Anxiety is a real bitch. It creeps up on you and before you know it it hits you full force.
Well I am going to go read a few blogs now. I also have the radio on. I love listening to it as I read.
So while I was at the store this morning I saw tons of Easter eggs. Even though Easter is not until April 12. I ended up buying the kids and Easter egg for Easter. I bought them Reese’s peanut butter cup Easter egg. It was a big egg, I decided to treat them. Thought they deserved a treat as we haven’t had much chocolate in a long time. I bet they’ll be thrilled. They love Reese’s peanut butter cups. I know they’re going to love it.
I also bought my niece and nephew and Easter egg each, I got them Cadburys creme egg Easter eggs. I also bought a Cadburys creme egg Easter egg from my dad. He’s like a big child. He loves chocolate.
I came home and he ate all of the Easter eggs until Easter. I was able to block the kids from knowing I bought them the Easter egg. They’re going to love it and be delighted that I thought to treat them.￼￼￼￼