Goals for Tuesday

i have just a couple of goals for tuesday.
im taking it easy although from my schedule it seems like i wont be doing much taking it easy even though i feel like i sorta will.
anyway, my goals…

take meds
shower
go get my 3 monthly shot
eat a healthy breakfast, lunch and dinner
go volunteering
go visit my friend, and do some training with her
read a few chapters of my book
talk to my mom on the phone
make an appointment for nitro at the vets
exercise a little bit, maybe do the workout on my phone
have an early night if possible

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she makes me happy

it is allie. eileen makes me so happy. i love her gentle voice. i love her calming presence. i love her for a lot of reasons. today we forgot to bring our new book. lexi emailed her earlier to tell her. i know liz needed to talk today so we wouldnt have gotten a chance to read the book even if we’d brought it. its ok. we can read it maybe next week. i think it will be a good book, its called wherever you are, my love will find you. that is what i think about eileen. even when we’re apart, i know she loves me. i know she’s thinking of me. i know because shes told me before. she says she thinks about us during the week. she has told me that when certain things happen in her life, she thinks about us. thats so special. it makes me feel so good. i love her so much. i dont care if its wrong to love a therapist, i just do and i dont care if i shouldnt. she is like a mom to me and that is why i call her my heart mom. she is my safety. she teaches me things. she has taught me lots. she never lets me down. she always tells the truth. i love her for that. i dont like being lied to and she never ever lies to me. right now i feel so lucky that she came into our lives. i feel like hugging carol anne and saying thanks carol anne for searching for as long as you did and finding us such a great therapist. it is the best thing that could have happened to us.
allie, age 9

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Get to know me! <3

I thought I’d do this I found it on another blog. I thought that it’d be fun to answer these and let you meet the girl behind therapy bits and get to know me a little more.

What are my strengths?
I am loyal, I love unconditionally, I have a good sense of humour, I am determined when I set my mind to something.
What are my short term goals?
Volunteer, get my 3 monthly shot, take nitro to get his vaccinations.
What are my long term goals?
Lose weight, Maybe start a new college course, Go on vacation, work hard in therapy.
who matters the most to me?
My family, my friends, my dog, my psychiatrist, my therapist.
What am I ashamed of?
Causing my family stress and worry, lying in the past to my partner and friends.
What do I like to do for fun?
Read, sing, knit, walk, swim, shop, hang out with friends or my dog.
What new activities am I willing to try?
I want to learn to bake, and crochet!
What am I worried about?
I’m worried about my dads health, my moms health, if I’ll stay healthy, death.
What are my values?
Humour, loyalty, independence, family time, friendship, belonging.
If I had one wish it would be?
To end mental health stigma!
Where do I feel the safest?
In my bed with my dog.
What or who gives me comfort?
My therapist, my mom, my friends, my psychiatrist.
If I was afraid I would?
Snuggle nitro, read, write or journal, call my mom or a friend.
What is my proudest accomplishment?
Getting a degree, training with my guide dog nitro.
Am I a night owl or early bird?
A nightowl, definitely.
What does my inner critic tell me?
You are a failure.
What do I do to show myself self care?
Take long showers and baths, read, talk to my friends, eat healthily.
Am I an introvert or an extravert?
I’m an extravert!
What am I passionate about?
Music, animal welfare, books, ending all kinds of abuse in the world, ending mental health stigma.
What do my dreams tell me?
That I’ve had a hard past.
What is my favourite non fiction book?
Will you love me or damaged by cathy glass.
What is my favourite fiction book?
dont have one dont read a lot of fiction as of yet.
What is my favourite movie?
Marley and me, annie, ghost, sister act, drop dead fred, and more.
What is my favourite band?
Evanesence, blue october, maroon five, pink, rihanna, katie perry, nikki minaj, eminem.
What is my favourite food?
Italian or mexican or chinese.
What is my favourite color?
pink all the way!
What am I grateful for?
My family, friends, guide dog, house, food to eat, my niece and nephew.
When I am feeling down I like to?
Write, shower, read, dance to music, cuddle nitro.
I know I am stressed when?
I have racing thoughts, I start to feel the anxiety building in my body, I start to catastrophise.

I hope you all enjoyed this I found it to be fun!
carol anne

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HARD SESSION TODAY

TODAY I HAD A TERRIBLY HARD THERAPY SESSION. I WAS SO SCARED AND ANXIOUS. LUCKILY EILEEN WAS GREAT. SHE WAS ABLE TO REASSURE ME. I TOLD HER I WAS ANXIOUS BECAUSE I COULDNT FIND MY WORDS TO EXPLAIN WHAT WAS GOING ON FOR ME. “BUT YOU DONT NEED TO FIND WORDS, LIZ” “I’M TOTALLY COOL WITH JUST HANGING OUT WITH FEELINGS” “WE CAN JUST HANG OUT HERE WITH THEM AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS” I TOLD HER I DID NOT KNOW WHERE OUR SESSION WAS HEADING. “THOSE ARE THE BEST KIND OF SESSIONS, LIZ” SHE SAID GENTLY. “SOME PEOPLE COME TO THERAPY WITH EVERYTHING REHEARSED, BECAUSE THEY FEEL LIKE THATS SAFER” “YOU HAVENT DONE THAT” “SO IT WILL BE MORE AUTHENTIC” SO WE JUST WENT WITH IT. I JUST LET WHAT HAPPENED HAPPEN. AND IT WAS OK. I USED THE PULSERS. EMDR IS SO HARD! I DID SO MUCH WORK TODAY AND I SURPRISED MYSELF. I DIDNT EVEN KNOW I COULD DO THAT. WE TRACKED SOME OF MY FEELINGS, LIKE FEAR, ANGER, WORRY, SADNESS. WE TRACKED THEM IN MY BODY. THAT PART WAS SUPER HARD. I NEVER REALLY DID THAT BEFORE SO WASNT USED TO IT. EILEEN GUIDED ME. SHE WALKED ME THROUGH HOLDING THE AREAS WHERE THE ANXIETY WAS STRONGEST AND WHERE I FELT IT MOST. THEN WE TALKED ABOUT DISCONNECTION AND HOW MY BODY DIDNT FEEL LIKE MINE. EILEEN SAID SHE WASNT SURPRISED BECAUSE THE PART OF MY BRAIN THAT IS HOLDING THE BODILY SENSATIONS IS THE PART THATS ACTIVATED NOW. WE TALKED ABOUT TRAUMATIC MEMORIES AND HOW THE BRAIN STORES THEM. I LOVE IT WHEN SHE TELLS US STUFF ABOUT TRAUMA. ITS SO USEFUL. I HAD ALMOST THE ENTIRE SESSION. I WAS DRAINED BY THE END OF IT. SHE SAID I DID GREAT THOUGH AND SHE OFFERED THAT IF I NEED TO DURING THE WEEK I CAN EMAIL OR CALL HER AND SHE’D TALK TO US. SHE TOLD ME TO MAKE SURE I TOLD EVERYONE IN THE SYSTEM THAT. PEOPLE HAVE ALREADY EMAILED HER TONIGHT. INCLUDING ME. I CAME HOME AFTER THERAPY AND WENT RIGHT TO BED AND TO SLEEP FOR ABOUT 5 HOURS. I NEEDED IT. I WAS TOTALLY SHATTERED. THAT ALWAYS HAPPENS AFTER A HARD SESSION THOUGH. WE WILL SLEEP A LOT. IM HAPPY I WENT TODAY. I THINK IT DID ME GOOD TO TALK.
LIZ

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i am a hot mess

I AM A HOT MESS. I DONT WANT TO TALK IN THERAPY TODAY. BUT KNOW I HAVE TO. I HAVE TO IF I WANT TO FEEL BETTER. I AM SCARED THOUGH. I FEEL TRIGGERED, HUGELY TRIGGERED, I NEED A HUG FROM EILEEN BUT AM TOO SCARED TO ASK HER FOR ONE. I FEEL ALONE AND MTHOUGHTS ARE WHIRLING AROUND IN MY HEAD. I HATE THIS FEELING.
LIZ

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3 hours

thats how much sleep i got. i’m exhausted. i am definitely going to try to nap today at some point. i have to. i barely was able to get up. its almost 8 AM now. i had to really push myself to get out of bed. nitro needs to be fed and i need to book my taxi to go to therapy. i’ll be going to therapy at 9:30. for a 10 AM apt. i’m anxious about therapy. am looking forward to actually seeing eileen but just anxious about what is going to come up today. i think i’ll allow the kids to bring their new book and she can read it to them. and we can record it. that will be good. just still feeling quite emotional this morning. can feel liz’s emotional turmoil seeping through to some of the rest of us. liz is doing somewhat better, but she’s still not fully ok. i think fathers day triggered her more than she’s letting on. she doesnt really get along with our dad. she never has. when we were a teen they had a lot of clashes, their personalities are too similar. when i get home from therapy i think i’m going to read, and finish up my book. i have 9 chapters to read. there are 20 chapters, i’m now starting chapter 11. thats if i dont fall asleep while reading. anyway. better go on and ring to book my taxi. catch yall later.
carol anne

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