No volunteering today

So I didnt go volunteering this afternoon.

I had a headache. So decided to stay home and rest. I napped for 2 hours. The nap did me the power of good.

I feel so much better now that I napped. I felt bad for canceling at the last minute, but I really couldnt help it. My supervisor understood.

Sometimes you just need to rest up when you dont feel good.

I’m never out so it was really a one off for me to not go.

carol anne

Virus-free. www.avg.com

Good Tuesday morning

Happy Tuesday everyone. How are you all?

I’m off to the gym in a few minutes, looking forward to my workout.

I actually slept good, didn’t think I would but I did when I finally fell asleep around 3 AM.

I slept until around seven, so got four hours of uninterrupted sleep which I badly needed.

Just waiting for my PA to come no, she’s going to the gym with me. We have two hours but I’ll probably only stay in the gym for an hour.

Weighed myself this morning and seem to be down a few pounds, I’m down around 4 lb I think in total, so very pleased, as I won’t be weighing in this week I decided to weigh myself at home on my own skills.

I think on my eating of healthy food and my good habits are paying off finally, I am delighted.

Its nice to see you smiling, Em

hhhihihihi everybody
I wanted to share something
this morning I went to therapy
I was the first one of us out in our session
Eileen came in to the office, and we were chatting
I asked her to guess who I am
she said she wasn’t sure
she joked that shes good but shes not that good
so I told her then it was me em
she hugged me and said
its nice to see you smiling, em
that made me smile even more
it was so lovely of her to say that to me
I haven’t been smiling a lot lately
there has be nothing good happening to smile about
not for me anyway
I thot it was so cool she noticed that
but then im not surprised
she notices everything about me
any little changes and she notices
I gess she knows me really well
butterfly hugs
loves you,
Emily age 12

Feel wobbly

Feeling off right now. Feel a bit shit if I am honest. A bit wobbly. Unstable. And emotional.

Not sure what is wrong. I just feel, crappy.

I am gonna have to try to distract myself from the feelings…easier said than done.

I think stirring up all the memories today in therapy has set us off. I hope we’re not in for a night of it now. I feel like a torrent of flashbacks is coming. I don’t know how else to describe it. I just feel a little crazy.

God I hate this feeling. I want some stability. I want this month to end. I want out and away from October.

I feel like screaming. I feel sort of insane right now. Sort of like I’m manic. Or having very manic feelings. All crazy and mixed up.

Doing some EMDR

therapy was good. intense. we did EMDR. That was good but man it was intense.
I got so much from it though. We worked on memory processing. Normally I’d rail against that but today I didn’t. Today I actually felt up to working through some memories. I felt like we could do that without actually drowning in grief and pain and trauma…
We also worked with our body. Noticing the feelings coming up. Noticing how our body felt when they came up. Just noticing…it was great. Normally I’m shit at noticing my body. I am so unaware of things and of how it feels. Not today though. Today I did good.
We worked on grounding techniques too. On coming into the here and now, coming into the present moment. Eileen worked with liz and Emily on this. And me too of course. But while she worked with us, she also invited other insiders to come into the conference room and watch what was happening, and feel it through us. We can do that. So that’s what we did. It was good.
All in all it was a great session. I’m tired now. I think a restful evening is in order. An evening where I can just chillax. Chill out. Don’t have to be anywhere or do anything either. And I don’t. My sister will drop me home in a little while, and I think I am going to just veg out this evening.
I need time to process. Time to reflect on todays session. We talked about our next couple of sessions today also. We’ll have one next Monday, and then the week of Halloween Monday is a bank holidays. We’re going to make up for it though and have our session on Thursday that week. Then the following week its back to Monday, and then Eileen is out on a training course on the 12th for a week.
She knew we’d be having a really hard time the week of Halloween, so she didn’t want us missing a session that week. I love that she’s so aware, so careful about us not having to miss any of our sessions. It really means so much to me that she is so aware of our needs.