Living life with dissociative identity disorder and complex ptsd
I am participating in fandango’s flashback friday, where the objective here is to repost a post you wrote on this exact date over the past few years!
I am reposting a post from the 21st of February 2017!
This was one of our therapy sessions! It was incredible to just look back on this now!
Click below to read it!
https://therapybits.com/2017/02/20/working-with-our-therapist-on-managing-the-overwhelm/
I am making progress slowly with my symptoms. They are improving a little bit. The dissociation hasnt been as bad the past two days. For that I am so grateful. I am still not sleeping great though. Last night I went to bed at 10:30. I read a few chapters of my book, turned it off at around midnight. Fell to sleep almost right away, but woke up again at 3:45 and couldnt go back to sleep until 6 AM. I went on the computer for a while, then I just lay there thinking. Not good. I dont like doing that as my mind starts racing. I start thinking all sorts. Which is what happened to me last night. My anxiety went skyrocketing. I was listening to Nitro snoring softly. He was so cute. Listening to him and reading eventually calmed me down enough that I was able to get 2 more hours of sleep. I woke around 8 AM. I got up then. I am hopeful that I will make further progress this weekend. I’ve started to see improvements in my thought processes too and in the amount of amnesia we’ve been having. This is all positive. I’m not working today. I decided to take this week off of work. I needed a break. I’ll be much more able to do the job after a few days off.
http://fivedotoh.com/2020/02/21/fowc-with-fandango-progress/
So I saw Dr. Barry yesterday. We had a really great appointment. I hadnt talked to her in six weeks! I didnt realise it had been that long since I was out during our appointments! I mean not out in the body, but out in the appointment with dr. barry!
We talked about how dissociative we’ve been lately. How we’ve been really switchy and very off. Very very dissociative during the day and at night, and its actually getting to a point where it feels unmanageable and unsafe to me.
Dr. Barry was wondering what has us so off? She wondered if it was the recent contact from our abuser, I said I wasnt sure if that was why we were so dissociative, but I told her how We’ve been unable to stay grounded and in the present lately, and we’ve been working in therapy with Eileen on keeping the adult alters in the present.
That hasnt been going well for us. The adults in our system arent really able to stay focused enough to be out for long periods and stay out in the body when we’re at home. Its tough because most of the time I dont know what we’ve been doing and most of the day when I am unable to be out I dont know what has been going on when I am not out!
So Dr. barry said she wanted to try upping our clonadine, to deal with our anxiety, because she said if we get our anxiety levels down, the dissociative stuff may lessen. But she didnt up it this week. She wants to do some more reading up on the med and its uses, especially its uses in treating ptsd. She also wanted to look through our chart and see what other meds she’d thought of trying because she said we do have options and we should look into all of them before adjusting the medication.
So thats what we’re going to try, and in the meantime she told me to keep taking the fenergan for sleep because I told her we arent sleeping too good still. She said keep using all of our coping techniques that Eileen has taught us, and she encouraged us to use our blog to get support. She knows how much our blog means to us and how supportive all of our readers are and how helpful we find that in our healing.
so we are under another weather warning, this one is for heavy rain, man this weather we’ve been having is trechorous. storms galore! we have had two in the last 10 days. now they are saying that we’re under a yellow rain warning all day today and into tonight. and I gotta go out in it ug le sigh. I gotta go see my psychiatrist at 2 PM. And I gotta get my shot. I take trevicta which is invega in a shot, I get it every 3 months. Right now its pouring out there. Absolutely bucketing down. I just let Nitro out and he took his sweet time, silly boy. He wasnt in any hurry to come in, which is kinda unusual. Normally he runs out does his thing and runs back in, not this morning though. I’ve gotten zero sleep tonight. Not a wink. I am running on lots of mugs of coffee. Caffeine is my friend! I hope my apt with Dr. Barry will go well today. The alters have been arguing amongst themselves about whose going to come out to talk to her. They were so loud! Lots of I want to, no, you cant, because its my turn this week. Ga! I said we’ll just see what happens. We have a lot to discuss with Dr. Barry. I hope we dont forget stuff. Sometimes when there is a lot to talk through we dissociate and forget half of what we were going to say to her. Oh well. I guess I’m going to go and make another coffee.
Your most memorable fancy dress costume?
I dont really like dressing up in costumes!
Which social media platform do you use the most?
Probably facebook.
Favourite season?
Summer, because you get to do a lot of cool things like go on outings, have BBQ’S, go to the beach etc.
If you had to choose the beach or mountains, which would it be?
Beach! I love it there!
What can you play very well?
Piano! I took lessons!
What kind of cheese do you like?
Cheddar! And chili cheese!
Life goal?
To live happily ever after!
How many cities have you lived in?
Two…cork, and dublin.
What language do you wish you could speak?
Spanish!
What cant you stand?
Rude people, people who are always late.
If you have an hour to kill on your hands, what would you do?
Read a book.
Your favorite routine?
Sit down under a blanket with a good book and a cup of coffee!
When do you become hyperactive?
At night!
Text message or phone call?
Texting! I love it!
Your most precious treasure?
Letters my gramma wrote to me when I was 9.
Your latest foreign language mistake?
I dont have one?
Whats the best therapy for you?
Patting my dog!
If you could be a fictional character, who would you be?
Harry potter!
Where would you like to travel?
To canada! Or new zealand!
Where did you meet your spouse/partner?
We met in a group online for people with dissociative identity disorder!
I got to dublin safely. I am here now, got here around 5 PM. My train got in at 4 PM, and the taxi to my friends place, it took about an hour for us to get through traffic. When we got to my friend pats place, the dogs went crazy. His dogs name is sweeney. He’s 7. And him and Nitro quickly became buddies. Nitro straight off found sweeneys bone, and started chewing that, and he hasnt left it out of his mouth all night lol. Me and my friend hung out and chatted, and then he cooked me dinner. He made potatos and vegetables, and surloin steaks which were so yummy, he seasoned them and man the seasoning was sooo damn good. We’ve just been listening to music and chatting for the last 2 hours. My friend did take a bit of a hypo so he had to eat two bars of chocolate to bring his blood sugars back up. I got a little freaked out when he went low, but he told me he’d be ok once he ate the chocolate so I calmed down. Nitro is tired, and actually I am too so I hope I’ll sleep tonight. The plan is do a little email and internet surfing and then turn in early, tomorrow looks like its going to be a horrible day weather wise. We’ll see what happens though. We’re not doing anything special so we’ll probably just stay at home. So glad to be here and its nice to be able to catch up with my friend, its been far too long since I’ve seen him or since we did this.
I am thankful that its friday! I love the weekends! This is going to be a good one for me, as I am off to dublin today. I have my PA Frances coming first though at 9 this morning, its just going on for 5 AM here now. She’ll do some housework for me, and I have to go to the beauticians to get my nails soaked off and get some waxing done. I’m not reapplying the nails for a few weeks, I need to give my nails a break for a few weeks.
Once she leaves at 11:30, I’ll get ready and will go to the train station at 12:30 and get the 1:25 PM train to Dublin, the train takes around 3 hours to get there. It runs straight through, so there is no changing trains or anything thank god!
I am just hoping that Nitro will be ok on the train, its been a while since he’s been on one. And he’s older now, so I am hoping it wont stress him out too much.
The weather here is meant to be super bad this weekend, we’re getting another storm, this time its storm dennis. So I doubt me and Pat are going to do anything much, other than stay indoors, the winds and rain will be too much.
But I plan on having a nice weekend anyway. Planning on catching up with pat, its been far too long since we’ve seen one another.
carol anne
