When the storm hits, all you can do is ride it out

all i can do is ride the wave. and that, my friends is what ive been doing for the last two hours.
ive been reading, and texting, and binging on netflicks shows, and downloading media, anything and everything to keep busy…
because when im busy im not anxious, im not emotional, im not crazy…
im not a mess of insanity…
its going on for 6 AM. after countless cups of tea and coffee, and no sleep, its time to face another day.
question for you all my loyal and faithful readers…
if you had some words of wisdom for me right now. something that you’d tell me to do to ride out this wave and get through the storm, what would they be?

Advertisements

oooooo

fuck fuck fuck

my thoughts are racing. oh fuck. its baaad

i cant cope this these thoughts. just feel overwhelmed and sad.

oh gawd, why is it always at night?

why? i just want to sleep. but every time I try

The tears fall

Pain, raw pain

It threatens to overtake me

Think I should go sit with nitro, feel his soft fur against my cheek

now thats the best idea I’ve had all night

carol anne

i wish

It be darina
and want to kno somfin
I wish I had reeces penut buter cups
I love them
and I don got any
no fair!
actuly I gots no candees here
boohoo
everbudy shud kno littles need candees
who liks penut buter cups
jus in case yu woner why I rit lik this
I am a insidr
in this body and I am six
six yars old
and dats jus how I rit
ok guys?
I like food all food
and sweets and cookies
and cake and stuf hahahaha
I wanna kno whose gona share ther candees wif me
it crismas
and I need some candys
haha
darina ballerina hoose six

Random wednesday thoughts

so what can i say about today? well, mine started off bad. i woke with the worst headache ever, i think it was from dehydration, i drank tons and tons of water, that seemed to fix things and make it go away, along with taking a nice long walk around the park for a few laps. i really just felt like going back to bed, but i pushed on through, and i’m glad i did. i managed to work on my career preparation module, i put a resume together, it took me a long time, trying to remember all the dates and years of when i studied, not an easy task. did not realise i’d studied so much until i actually sat down to write the resume. i tried to do a little college work, i’m kinda stressing out, because i have a 2000 word book review due foe next week. the book i am reading is beautiful boy, by david shep, about his sons addiction to meth amphetamine. i have not started reading the book yet. i’ll start tomorrow. hoping to get it read by friday and do the review over the weekend. thats the plan anyways. ate some of the shepherds pie i cooked yesterday for lunch, one of the other girls in my class had some as well, i was trying to use up the left overs so i offered it to my class mates. after lunch me and nitro did the route to the bus stop. he did well today the only thing was he saw another dog and so got a little bit distracted. but he found the bus stop and got his treat, we got back just efore the rain started pouring, which was good. the rest of the afternoon session we just did our own thing, worked on more college stuff,. oh did i tell ou i passed my first module? well i did. digital media. i had my exam yesterday and i passed it and my portfolio. i was thrilled. after class today i went upstairs, called jess “for those who are new to my blog jess is my partner whose in IL, she’s currently in a psych residential facility. we talked and that was fun, she was doing well and had gotten the xmas package i sent her. then i talked to mom, she was going to my niece’s xmas play at her school tonight, i was kinda bummed that i had to miss it. i usually go to it every year. my cousin facebooked me to tell me that she got the xmas presents i sent, and to also tell me mine are on the way, yay presents, cuz who doesnt like presents. i’m also expecting a box from a good friend in the states, cant wait to get that either. tomorrow we’ll be having our xmas party here at abode, thats the name of the centre where my independent living programme is run. anyway there is a big slap up xmas meal, should be nice. then this coming weekend i need to finish up my xmas shopping, all i need to buy is my moms present and a few more bits for my sister. we are also going to go to a xmas market, we go every year, its so much fun. there are food stalls and a real christmasy atmosphere. well thats about it for now guys, hope all of you are having a fantastic wednesday.
Tell me what you did today?
carol anne

I am so dehydrated today

i am a little worried today. i feel really dehydrated. i mean literally i am gasping, have been drinking a ton of water. cups and cups of it out of the water cooler. i had a headache this morning when i woke, i didnt know why. i told noelle and clodagh about it. they wanted me to talk to the nurse here but i didnt want to, because the nurses here make a huge deal out of everything, they’d have had probably wanted me to go to the doctor or something, when all i need to do is lie down for an hour. anyway, it turns out i didnt lie down at all, i just got some water and it went away on its own. i even did two laps around the park and i felt much better after a bit of fresh air. im not used to being dehydrated though. i am diabetic and i thought my sugars might be high because sometimes when they get high you can become dehydrated. i have no way of testing them though as i left my kit at home. i guess all i can do is keep drinking as i need to.
carol anne

I had time with Eileen

Hi

I got to have time with Eileen this week, I like that. We talked about a lot of things and are used the punters. I never used them before. They helped me to be able to bring up memories, and they weren’t all bad memories either. Some of the more happy memories, like memories of being in preschool and the phone are used to have when I was there. We talked about the assessment and I told Eileen I am upset with Doctor Barry because she thinks I don’t take my mads because I want to stay sick but that’s not true I don’t take the medication because it makes me feel sick especially since I overdosed so many times on medication before and so when I take it it makes me feel sick like I’m gonna throw up. I do like Doctor Barry I’m just murdered her right now. I will have to talk to her and tell her that the reasons why I don’t take my medication sometimes are not the same reasons that she thinks. Right now though I don’t want to talk to her I just want to talk with Eileen. We talk about my feelings and how sometimes I feel very hopeless and very sad and like I want today. Eileen said that was very sad. She keep me some homework for the week. I’m supposed to do one activity and take time for myself and do something nice. So I think I’ll probably listen to music and look up some information about butterfly something like butterflies a lot. I know this phone is messing up and not getting all my words right I think it doesn’t understand my voice sometimes. Dictation can be a bit of a nightmare sometimes. Anyway I like having time in therapy and I hope I can have time again soon

Emily