No therapy!

Wishing I didnt have to miss therapy this week! Feel I really needed to go! But couldnt, because of the damn accident! Ug!
We’re going to have a phone check in though tomorrow at 3 PM. That will have to do I guess! Its better than nothing I suppose. I’m glad Eileen was able to do it.
We are having a lot of flashbacks about the accident. Feel really freaked out right now. Keep replaying it all in my head, its not good! Just feel so on edge! Feel like I dont want to ever get in a car again, but am pushing myself to just do it!

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Sunday goals!

I do not have many goals today! I am having a bit of a quiet sunday!
My main goal is to go grocery shopping! I need to buy food for dinner for this coming week!
My other main goals for today are to start a new book, shower, eat healthy, walk nitro, and prepare for therapy!
I hope I get them all done!

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Question of the day

So today, my question to you is this…

What has benefited you most in your healing journey?

For me, it is a few things. Writing is one. Having this blog, somewhere to share, has helped me so so much. I love my blog. I love all of you my blog buddies. Your all amazing and you’ve been so kind to me. It doesn’t go unnoticed.

Having a therapist has also helped us greatly. Its hard work but so worth it. Processing memories, doing EMDR is hard. But I wouldn’t change it for the world. I have gotten so much out of therapy.

Music, reading, hot tea, essential oils, my dog, all also help me.

So what helps you and has benefited you in your healing?

Daily gratitude oct. 15th

today I am grateful for a lot. In no particular order the things I feel grateful for today are:

My therapist. She continually amazes me with her dedication and support to us.

My dog. He is such a sweet boy. So warm and gives great cuddles and just loves me unconditionally.

The cooler weather. Its nice to still see sun though too. I like that its cooler now.

My heating. I am warm and cosy. I am glad I have heat in the house.

Fresh fruit. I ate some nice honey dew melon just now. It was amazing.

My sister. She drops me places when she is able to to save me money on taxi’s.

My niece and nephew. They continually make my heart swell with joy. Their laughter is infectious.

Coffee. Where would I be without it?

Books, I love them.

My uncle, who gave me some new clothes today, thanks to him for them.

There are just so many things to be grateful for on this Monday. Oh and one more thing, despite being a little off tonight, I’m grateful to be alive, and to be out of the abuse I endured for so many years.

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Its nice to see you smiling, Em

hhhihihihi everybody
I wanted to share something
this morning I went to therapy
I was the first one of us out in our session
Eileen came in to the office, and we were chatting
I asked her to guess who I am
she said she wasn’t sure
she joked that shes good but shes not that good
so I told her then it was me em
she hugged me and said
its nice to see you smiling, em
that made me smile even more
it was so lovely of her to say that to me
I haven’t been smiling a lot lately
there has be nothing good happening to smile about
not for me anyway
I thot it was so cool she noticed that
but then im not surprised
she notices everything about me
any little changes and she notices
I gess she knows me really well
butterfly hugs
loves you,
Emily age 12

Doing some EMDR

therapy was good. intense. we did EMDR. That was good but man it was intense.
I got so much from it though. We worked on memory processing. Normally I’d rail against that but today I didn’t. Today I actually felt up to working through some memories. I felt like we could do that without actually drowning in grief and pain and trauma…
We also worked with our body. Noticing the feelings coming up. Noticing how our body felt when they came up. Just noticing…it was great. Normally I’m shit at noticing my body. I am so unaware of things and of how it feels. Not today though. Today I did good.
We worked on grounding techniques too. On coming into the here and now, coming into the present moment. Eileen worked with liz and Emily on this. And me too of course. But while she worked with us, she also invited other insiders to come into the conference room and watch what was happening, and feel it through us. We can do that. So that’s what we did. It was good.
All in all it was a great session. I’m tired now. I think a restful evening is in order. An evening where I can just chillax. Chill out. Don’t have to be anywhere or do anything either. And I don’t. My sister will drop me home in a little while, and I think I am going to just veg out this evening.
I need time to process. Time to reflect on todays session. We talked about our next couple of sessions today also. We’ll have one next Monday, and then the week of Halloween Monday is a bank holidays. We’re going to make up for it though and have our session on Thursday that week. Then the following week its back to Monday, and then Eileen is out on a training course on the 12th for a week.
She knew we’d be having a really hard time the week of Halloween, so she didn’t want us missing a session that week. I love that she’s so aware, so careful about us not having to miss any of our sessions. It really means so much to me that she is so aware of our needs.

Slept well, surprise surprise!

so I got a great nights sleep! couldn’t believe it!
went to bed at around 11 PM last night. fell asleep right away!
I honestly didn’t think I’d sleep at all! I was wired before I went to bed! And I hadn’t even had any caffeine!
But thankfully it all worked out, and because I slept so well I was able to get up at 7:30 this morning, I jumped out of bed!
Therapy in an hour. Am wondering how todays session will go. I’m sure it will be ok. I’m a little apprehensive though about it.
This morning I am thankful for a good nights sleep. I am thankful for a nice big bowl of porridge to warm me up. And I am thankful that I am going to see Eileen soon.