Tuesday May 26th

Good morning. I cant believe its tuesday already.
I only went to bed at 1 AM. I woke up again at 4:30. I was still tired. I texted my friend sarah in colorado, she was just going to bed, she encouraged me to get a drink and go back to bed for a while, so I did.
I managed to get 2 more hours of sleep. Woke up again at 6:30.
Am drinking my first cup of morning coffee now and listening to the radio. I have just fed Nitro and he enjoyed his breakfast.
My PA gets here at 9 this morning. We’ll do some housework. If I feel up to it I’ll walk Nitro. It looks like it will be warm today. We’re meant to have a heatwave this week, with temps getting up to 25 or 26 c.
I’m working later on today also. Other than work, no other plans here today.
Hoping you all have a good tuesday.

From Emily, Thank you

Thanks to everyone who supported me last night when I felt so bad. I am ok now, I am feeling a lot stronger, I am sorry if I upset anyone, or made anyone feel uncomfortable with talk of suicide and being depressed.
Sometimes I forgot and I know they are hard things to talk about and sometimes people arent in a place to talk about that stuff. Bcause sometimes I am not either.
anyway I had a good sunday. I am going to talk with our therapist eileen in the morning. I know she’ll help. She always does.
I been reading the secret garden and watching netflix. I been watching disney plus also. I love Icarly, austin and ally, and jesse.
We also took a nap this afternoon, cuz we was up early so we got tired.
Naps are good!
butterfly hugs,
love, emily xoxo

Mom got accepted and is now on disability permanently

Well, on friday, mom got the letter, her appeal went through, she was accepted for disability, and she will now recieve a weekly payment and is on disability full time.I am so happy for her. This is a big hurdle that she’s overcome.
The letter said that she produced very good supporting evidence, from her doctor, as well as a supporting letter from herself, which we helped her draft.
she was so delighted that she finally was accepted. we all were actually.
at least now, if anything should happen to my dad, she wont have a run around to get money, as before now my dad was the one recieving a payment for both of them.
So all of my prayers, and the prayers from you all were answered.

Shopping at lidal

It was a bit of an experience going out today.  I wore a mask going out, which was fine, I managed to wear it and was able to breath ok, but it kept slipping off of my face, so I think I was wearing it upside down. At least my mom said she thinks that is why it kept slipping off.  I got a taxi to lidal and met my PA there.  I got there before her so I waited for a few minutes until she came.  When I got to lidle the line was super long. I didnt have to cue though because my PA has a badge since she’s a worker for the HSE.  I got on the phone to my mom, because I hate standing and waiting, so I talked to her while I waited. Eventually my PA came. We went in and got the few things I needed, I got strawberries, blueberries, yogurt, chocolate, bin liners, and washing powder.  Then I went to try to get the talking weighing scales I wanted, they had scales, but they werent talking ones.  However we didnt realise this until we got back home. I also got a blood pressure monitor.  I havent checked it out yet though.  We finally finished up and got a taxi home, but I had to stop off at my friends house to drop in a weighing scales to her.  When we got home I put everything aay. And then my PA took Nitro out for a shofrt walk for me. She had to go to the local shop near where I live because I forgot my milk.  When she got back I told her I’d give her the day off tomorrow. I decided to go to my parents house a day early because the weather is meant to be super bad tonight and tomorrow.  She was so appreciative of a day off.  She had brought Nigtro a box of boneos so I gave him two which he gulped down.  We left my house at 11 AM and I got another taxi to my parents house.  I am glad I was able to wear the face mask without too much trouble.  I was so worried I wouldnt be able to breathe with it on.  I washed it as soon as I got back home, and hung it out to dry on my radiator.  I only have one mask, I should probably buy another one to have a spare one handy.  I’ll be at my parents house now until Sunday.

Well sheesh

Just spent the best part of an hour on the phone with my ISP. For some reason my internet speed is very low. We arent sure why. I was thinking it was because of so many people being online, but the guy said that that shouldnt matter, I have Efibre, so my speed should be mega fast. And it isnt. He fixed a few errors on my modem, and reset it. Then it wouldnt reconnect, so he ended up having to change my wifi networks password, now I just hope I can remember it in the future. So far its working now but the speed of downloads is still quite low and sometimes a download stalls or is interrupted and doesnt complete. Its so frustrating.

Also my sky Q box isnt working right, I want to access my recordings, I have to use an app on my phone to do it since the Q box is inaccessible, and when I launch the app it tells me I have no Q box, but I do have one. I was in touch with the accessibility team at sky and they are looking into it for me. The guy I spoke to was incredibly nice. He said they’d sort it for me as soon as they could.

Its just not my day today. I also didnt get to go on my slimming world online group tonight, so I am a bit pissed off about that. I really wanted to go on, I felt I needed the support. Oh well, there is always next week, I just hope tomorrow will turn out better than today has for me.


Nitro’s gone out for a walk with my PA. He loves going out with her.
She takes him out most days when she’s here.
They go out for about 25 minutes.
I usually dont go, well sometimes I will but today I didnt feel like it.
You should have seen Nitro. I kept saying to him, lets get the lead, and he was jumping on me and whimpering.
so cute.
I’ll get some pics when he gets back from the walk. He’ll be tired then I am sure.

Anxious at 3:30 AM

I woke up feeling very anxious. I feel very unwell. I am scared. I have been panicking. I dont know what to do. I feel overwhelmed. The anxiety is so bad. I can hardly breathe. I am feeling physically unwell, shaking, heart pounding, stomach clenched, I have thrown up twice. I just feel so bad. Is anyone around? Could use some support.

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