Blessings this evening 😍🌻

Take time tonight this evening this afternoon whatever time it is where you are, take time to relax, take time to do something fun. Have a peaceful night or day depending on where you live it’s evening here where I live. 830 in the evening now. Have a great evening everyone 😗🌻💕

Found out

Just got back from therapy. I found out that it was Eileens husband who got ill while she was away. It was serious, he got very ill. He’s on the mend now though. They got home last week he got transferred to a hospital here in Cork. They were taken home from Spain by ear ambulance. I need said that was a really daunting experience, I am Arjun it would have been. It was a shock to find out that it was her husband. I’ve spoken to him a few times on the phone before. He’s a very nice man. Just to know that it was someone so close to her who got sick, that was shocking. It’s good to know he’s going to be okay. She is taking another few weeks off work but she will continue to see us. She’s also taking a break from college she lectures at college she’s taking a break for a few weeks while he recovers. It was so good to see her today. Such a relief to have her home. Missed her like crazy really really missed her a lot.

Therapys resuming on monday yay!

Eileen is home! She rang me this morning! She’s finally home! Yay! I am sooo thrilled!
We’re having a session on Monday at 10! I am delighted! Its so good to have her home!
She only got home at the end of this week! Things can go back to normal now yay!
Normal service can resume!
This good news has made my weekend! 😀
I am on cloud 9 to have her back home!

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Could hav been

i could have been beautiful
but you spattered me with blood
i might have been graceful
but you knocked me into the mud

i could have been courageous
but you crumpled me into a ball
i might have been brave
but you made me feel so small

i could have been intelegent
but you taught me not to try
i might have been brilliant
but you told me the truth is a lie

i could have been trusting
but your promises lay broken
i might have been confiding
but you taught me to leave everything unspoken

i could have been independent
but you left so many needs unfilled
i might of been self-reliant
but you made it so i couldn’t rebuild

i could have been whole
but you tore me all apart
i might have been so much more
but you destroyed my growing heart

c2006

This is a poem about my experiences of being a child abuse survivor, this was written to my abusers.

Fowc:so many layers

When you have did, there are so many layers at least for us there are anyway, I think its pretty similar for most did folk. We have tons of alters, because we are a polyfrggmented system. That means, there are more than a hundeed alters. The way our system works, there are sub systems, in the main system. So there is the outer layer, and then more inner layers.  then there are also some alters who have insiders of their own, so they have their own alters inside of themselves. I know its confusing, it is for us too.  We’re still getting to know Emilys insiders, she’s been working hard with Eileen in therapy, she knows them, but the rest of us we don’t know a whole lot about them. She keeps them very protected, and they in turn protect her.  Sometimes Emilys insiders will pretend to be Emily, so that we don’t know its actually one of them whose out. Did is a complicated thing.  Then in our system there are darks, and lights, the darks have been subjected to a lot of abuse, some of the lights have too, but mainly, the lights are out to help, protect the body, they are cooperative, they are helpful, they want to do good all of the time. The darks on the other hand, they are destructive, non cooperative, and they don’t want to help the system, but now some of ours are changing, they’ve been doing a lot of hard work in therapy, and I applaud that. They’ve been so courageous, discussing their memories, changing roles, getting new roles etc. Having did is definitely a roller coaster ride. I wouldn’t change it though. Not for anything. I guess I am just so used to it now.

 

FOWC with Fandango — Layer

 

 

A surprise phone call

A weird thing happened today. I was napping and my phone rang. It was my landline, that is unusual, most people phone my mobile.

I answered it, and a lady from the organisation that funds my therapy was on the line. She told me she was phoning me to check in.

Eileen had to tell them that we hadn’t been doing any therapy for a few weeks because of her being stuck in spain. So they were ringing me to make sure I was ok, and that I wasn’t struggling.

I got a big surprise as I wasn’t expecting that. She told me that they have a helpline I can ring if I am struggling and need extra support. I knew about their helpline but I never thought to call it.

Its good to know I have that option. I am glad to know its there.

We talked for about 15 minutes. Just about everyday things, like the weather, tv, dogs, not serious things. I felt much better after our chat. The ladys name was margo. She was extremely nice.

She said she’d phone again next week, and she’d continue to phone until I started back to therapy with Eileen.