taylor hi everbudy

it me taylor. and gess wat? i taked us to therapy this week. i was out wen we goted ther. im not usuly loud to be ote, but it wasnt my fault cuz tha bigs were all not able to front, thay was feelin icky and depresed and sad. so i came ote in the midle of the nite, and me and emily stayed up and got us dressed and emily came ote in the taxi cuz she can sorta act lik a gron up but then wen we goted to eileens ofise i came ote and wen eileen came in she got a suprise! she said i did good to get us ther in one piece! but she said i needed to let her try to talk to the adults and go inside and rest. so i did. and she was able to get liz and that was ok then cuz liz can take care of us. i was glad cuz it fils betr wen liz is out or carol anne. they can take care of fings then. but i did a good job and i was hapy she thot so too!



I’m sitting here
wondering in fear
is something wrong
cant get in touch
havent spoken to you much in weeks
when this sort of thing happens
its not a good sign
tried to call
tried to text
with no success
wondering, are you ok?
or is it just another day
in the life
of someone
in a psych residential facility?

wrote this because I am thinking about my partner tonight, i cant get through to her, lately. I’ve called and texted a number of times, she’s currently in a residential psych facility in the USA.
I hope she’s ok…hoping nothings wrong…

Salad monster!

carol anne is becoming a salad monster!
she been eatin lots of it latly. she says its good for us.
i say yuck, salad! how boring!
we had one for lunch today.
it was tuna, chick peas, red peppers, sweet corn, and a dressing that tasted like curry.
and now we are going have another one for dinner tonight.
it is a cajun chicken salad. i forget what is in it.
so we are bein realy healthy right?
carol anne said she is hopin we’l be down more weight next week.
i think she should be!
do you like salad? if you do whats your favourite thing to put in it?
allie im 9

allie missing eileen

I miss Eileen tonight.

we shoulda been having our session today. but we didn’t cuz it was a bank holiday.

we’ll see her on Thursday. but it seems so far away.

I did email her though. I told her how much I loved her. and am missing her.

I took out her rose scent and sniffed it over and over. I don’t care if people think I’m weird. Eileen gave me the empty bottle and I always smell it and the scent still hasn’t gone out of it.

I also listened to her reading in my heart to me. I have that recorded. she said we can read another book soon. I cant wait. I will record her reading to us again. we left the book today I feel silly, and other moods that make my day in her office. so we’ll probably read that one.

Thursday better come quick. I need to go to therapy.
I need a hug from Eileen.

allie, age 9

triggers defused!

well ya’ll will be happy to know, I am no longer feeling triggered. Big sigh!
So thrilled, mostly I managed to defuse it on my own.
I watched tv, and later in the evening I took a hot shower.
I washed with my fave soap and glory shower gel, it smells soooo good!
It grounded me. I felt so much better after the shower.
Nothing like a hot shower to soothe your soul.
I cuddled with nitro, I read the blogs of some of you, I still have a lot to catch up on but I am slowly getting through the posts.
Its almost 1 AM. I doubt I sleep tonight. I think I got way too much sleep this weekend. I slept a lot. Its ok though if I don’t sleep tonight. I wont worry about it.
Tomorrow is an easyish day. I do need to go volunteering though. I’ll get there though. I’ll manage even if I don’t sleep much tonight.
Just happy I defused the triggers on my own.


so without going into to much detail, something has just really triggered me.
I’m trying to ignore the trigger. I’ve turned on Irelands got talent and am watching that. Trying to stay distracted.
Not sure its really working but I’m trying at least.
My thoughts are a bit all over the place though. Moods going haywire. Up and down and all around.
I just hope this doesn’t last too long. Damn triggers. I hate them.

Em. Struggling

hhihih it me Emily
I’m struggling tonight. I feel so gross. I feel unlovable. fat. ugly. and I hate how I feel. and I hate my body.

it disgusts me. I hate how I look. I know we are losing weight. and people have noticed it. commented that we are looking fab. I don’t see it though.

I just feel so sad. sad and lonely and unloved and unseen in my struggle.

Emily age 12