Its nice to see you smiling, Em

hhhihihihi everybody
I wanted to share something
this morning I went to therapy
I was the first one of us out in our session
Eileen came in to the office, and we were chatting
I asked her to guess who I am
she said she wasn’t sure
she joked that shes good but shes not that good
so I told her then it was me em
she hugged me and said
its nice to see you smiling, em
that made me smile even more
it was so lovely of her to say that to me
I haven’t been smiling a lot lately
there has be nothing good happening to smile about
not for me anyway
I thot it was so cool she noticed that
but then im not surprised
she notices everything about me
any little changes and she notices
I gess she knows me really well
butterfly hugs
loves you,
Emily age 12

#write 31 days, introducing, allie!

hi. im allie. im 9 years old. my long name is alicia. i go by allie though always.

im not really sure what to write about myself. in our system i am a light. i am looked after by carol anne. she is my inside mom.

sometimes i have meltdowns. i get angry. i break things. i get really upset. i cant help it. sometimes it sucks to be a kid in a grown up body.

i love my therapist. her name is eileen. i want her to be my mommy. she says she cant though. i also love my psychiatrist dr. barry. i want her to adopt me. i wish i can go live with her. but she says i cant. she said thats not possible. i wish it was though.

carol anne says its my passion in life to have dr. barry adopt me and to be taken care of by her or eileen. i suppose that is true.

i like watching cartoons. i also like disney movies. i like the movies tangled, frozen, and the little mermaid. those are my favourites to watch.

i have a besty in another system. her name is rash. she is cool. i love her and we always get in a lot of trouble. we’ve been besties for a while now. she says i crack her up like a pestachio. ha ha!

well thats all i know to tell you! i hope you liked reading this little intro thing about me.
bye for a while!
love, allie!

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LITTLE BIT BETTER

GOOD MORNING GUYS
ITS ME LIZ. I SLEPT KINDA OK I GUESS. I GOT A FEW HOURS, WHICH IS BETTER THAN NO HOURS, RIGHT? I THINK I GOT AROUND 4 HOURS IN TOTAL.

IM FEELING A LITTLE BIT BETTER NOW THAT I’VE SLEPT. IM PLANNING ON GOING OUT FOR A WALK THIS MORNING. I THINK THE FRESH AIR WILL DO ME GOOD. ALTHOUGH MY LEGS FEEL A LITTLE SORE, PROBABLY FROM ALL THE EXERCISE WE’VE BEEN DOING AT THE GYM.

MY HEAD IS FEELING A LITTLE FOGGY TODAY. FUZZY AND FOGGY. SO I THINK A WALK WILL DO ME GOOD. IT MIGHT CLEAR THE BRAIN FOG A LITTLE BIT.

THANK YOU FOR ALL OF YOUR KIND COMMENTS ON MY LAST POST. SOME OF YOU HAD GREAT ADVICE FOR ME! I WILL DEFINITELY TAKE ALL THE ADVICE AND SUPPORT I CAN GET RIGHT NOW!

ONE WEEK OF OCTOBER GONE, YAY. IM DELIGHTED.

LIZ

i got wings!

carol anne say we can has chiken wings! yummy!
i luv them!
we had bbq kind. mmmm! sooo goood!
we was hav bad day so it gud we got a treet
i lik treets
yay 😛
darina ballerna blarina jellybina! i six
hahhaha dats my nicnam!
😀

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#write 31 days…introducing…Wendy!

TODAY FOR WRITE 31 DAYS, ITS MY TURN TO INTRODUCE MYSELF TO YOU ALL.

MY NAME IS WENDY. I’M WHAT IS KNOWN IN OUR SYSTEM AS A DARK. IM 23.

I HAVE REALLY CHANGED A LOT OVER THE PAST FEW YEARS, AS YEARS AGO I WAS THE ONE WHO WOULD CAUSE PROBLEMS IN THERAPY, INTERFERE WITH THERAPY, ETC. I HATED IT. I HATED OUR THEN THERAPIST. NOW THOUGH I DO WORK WITH EILEEN. I HAVE WORKED HARD ON CHANGING. AND I LIKE HER. I FINALLY ACCEPTED THAT WE NEED TO BE IN THERAPY.

CHANGE IS HARD. CHANGING AND BECOMING A BETTER PERSON IS EVEN HARDER.

MY OLD JOB IN THE SYSTEM WAS TO CONTACT ABUSERS. AND TO GO MEET THEM AND WE’D END UP HURT. I DONT DO THAT NOW THOUGH. I’VE STOPPED CONTACTING PEOPLE FROM OUR PAST.

SO FOR HOBBIES, WELL, I DONT HAVE THAT MANY. I WISH I WAS OUT MORE TO HAVE MORE. BUT I DO LIKE TO LISTEN TO MUSIC, READ SOME, AND WATCH FAMILY GUY AND BOON DOCS ON TV. I ALSO LOVE SOUTH PARK.

FOR MUSIC, I LIKE RAP MUSIC, LIKE EMINEM, NIKKI MINAJ, ETC.

SO THATS ME. VERY NICE TO MEET ALL OF YOU. THANKS FOR READING MY INTRO POST.
WENDY AGE 23

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She gets us

ITS LIZ. I HAD AN INTENSIVE THERAPY SESSION YESTERDAY. ME AND EILEEN TALKED A LOT ABOUT ABUSE AND TRAUMA AND THE DARKS, AND WHY THE DARKS ACT IN THE WAYS THAT THEY DO. WE TALKED ABOUT THE PEOPLE FROM THE CULT CONTACTING US. AND HOW THE DARKS TRY TO CONTACT THEM BECAUSE THEY ARE LOYAL. THEY THINK ITS WHAT THEY SHOULD DO, AND IF THEY DONT, THEY FEEL THEY’RE BREAKING RULES, OR GOING AGAINST WHAT WE WERE TAUGHT. EVEN WHEN THEY ARE BEING HURT. EVEN WHEN THE ABUSERS HURT OTHERS IN THE SYSTEM AND THEY CAN SEE THAT. SOME DARKS ALL THEIR JOB IS TO DO IS CONTACT ABUSERS, THEY DONT ACTUALLY STICK AROUND TO SEE WHAT WILL HAPPEN AFTER THATS DONE. EILEEN WAS VERY SUPPORTIVE. SHE REALLY GOT IT. ALSO WE TALKED ABOUT FEELINGS, THAT WAS HARD. I TOLD HER I WASNT FEELING LIKE I WAS GOING TO BE ABLE TO DESCRIBE MY FEELINGS TO HER JUST THEN AT THAT MOMENT. SHE AND I DID A BIT OF WORK ON THAT. AND EVENTUALLY I WAS ABLE TO DESCRIBE THEM WITH HER HELP. SHE ASKED EMILYS DARKS IF THEY’D LIKE TO MEET THE DARKS IN MY SYSTEM, EMILYS INSIDERS ARE SEPARATE FROM THE REST OF US, AND KEEP THEMSELVES THAT WAY MOSTLY. SHE ASKED IF THEY’D LIKE TO BE INTRODUCED TO US. THEY WERENT UP FOR IT THOUGH. I THINK THEY FEEL THREATENED OR SOMETHING. SO WE DIDNT GO AHEAD AND DO THAT. INSTEAD EMILY HAD A LITTLE BIT OF TIME. WE TALKED A LOT THOUGH. AND IT WAS REALLY HELPFUL TO ME TO BE ABLE TO OPENLY DISCUSS THINGS. I FELT LIKE I MADE A TON OF PROGRESS AND I FEEL NOW THAT EILEEN KNOWS MORE ABOUT US THAN SHE ALREADY DID. SHE NOW KNOWS MORE ABOUT OUR STRUCTURE AND SET UP. HOPING THEN SHE CAN BETTER HELP US WHEN SHE HAS THAT INFO. WE ALSO TALKED A LITTLE BIT AROUND OUR RELATIONSHIP, THE THERAPUTIC RELATIONSHIP. SHE WAS THINKING THAT MAYBE THE DARKS ARE SEEING HER TOO AS SOME SORTA THREAT, I AGREED YES THAT MAYBE THEY ARE. SOME OF THEM DONT LIKE THERAPY OR THERAPISTS AND FEEL ITS A BUNCH OF CRAP AND WHY SHOULD WE EVEN BE GOING AT ALL? BUT OVERALL A GOOD SESSION.
LIZ

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