I reach 3500 followers. I can’t believe that. What an achievement. I’m so thrilled.
Thank you to everyone for your continued support. It means the world to me.
Blocking has meant so much to me. I’ve made so many wonderful friends and this community is absolutely outstanding, it’s absolutely brilliant I love the people in this community.
Thank you everyone for the continued support here’s to another 3500 followers.
Well I had a really good workout, I did half an hour on the treadmill and 10 minutes on the bike. I feel great now. It was a really good experience.
I’m glad I pushed myself. Feels great. In dauphins rushing through my body, making me feel good.
Are usually go to the gym on Friday mornings but this week I won’t be going. I won’t be having my PA on Friday. We are going away for the weekend, that’s why she won’t be coming this week.
I feel a lot better, and hopefully I can sleep tonight. Exercising really helped and I think it will help to with my sleep.
I’m not going to get weighed in tonight, I decided not to go, not because I don’t think I’ve lost weight, but just because I was feeling bad and so I decided to take a break, I’m not going either next week because I’m going to a show in our city next week on the same night that slimming world is on. But that’s okay. I started feeling a little bit better so I’m going to go to the gym, I wasn’t going to go but then I decided I better get my butt in gear and do a bit of exercise, it will do me good. The weather is bad it’s raining heavily. I’m getting a taxi though so that’s okay, I won’t get wet. I’m not sure I’d have lost any weight though if I did go to slimming world tonight. I weighed myself this morning on my own scales at home and it said I was the same as I was last week. So who knows, I guess I shouldn’t weigh myself on my own scales but I just want to see you know I wanted a ballpark figure.
I clutch at straws. I am fine, I tell myself. I will be fine.
Do I believe it? Hell no.
Emotionally I am unwell, unstable, very, very much so.
I clutch at straws in the hopes it will all be ok, and I will get through it. Really though? I am unsure.
But it helps to try to remember, I’ve gotten through this before. I have made it out the other side in the past. This too shall pass, that is going to be my new motto.
And just for today, I will be kind to myself. I will do some self care. I will work on remembering to breathe, I will smile and I will say to myself, I am a survivor.
Always keep fighting! ❤
I decided to skip volunteering for today. I just dont feel up to helpping people today. I need a day at home. I need to just relax and rest and take things easy. I am feeling kind of off today. Mood is low sorta anyway. We’re having a lot of issues with after therapy effects. Some inside are scared about therapy. Not sure why. They just are feeling like its all too much.
I’m sure we’ll be ok though. I am watching the ellen show right now. I love ellen.
so an interesting session for me today with eileen. i hadnt been to therapy in ages. i mean we had, but i personally hadnt. and it ended up I didnt even have a whole lot of time, as Shirley was out and needed to talk. But I did have a few minutes at the start, and end of our session. And when I did, we were talking about did, Eileen asked me what I think did is? How would I explain it? That kinda threw me. Not many people ask me that. I said I thought did was many people sharing one body, then that led to her asking me if I know we’re all part of one whole person? I told her I did know we shared a body, but I didnt feel we were part of a whole person. There is no whole. There has never been. She said she understood how I felt. But that her idea was that we’re all parts, parts of a whole. And logically I know this, but well, I guess it doesnt come up to often, so I dont really think about it. I mean, I do know we share a body. I know there arent tons of different people, but I also know as parts, we are individuals, we are separate in that we all have our own feelings on things, ideas about things, etc. Eileen agreed with me on that. She said she realises that we all think about the world differently, express emotions and feelings in our own unique way. She said she is just gently telling me that we’re one being, one body, and parts of a whole. Man! That is a tough one to take. I am my own person, I want to be my own person, I hate that we share a body. Mostly I hate that. Mostly I want my own body. I just want to be me, but deep down I know I have to conform, I have to take the whole system into account when making decisions, i know this. I guess I am just ranting a little because I can, lol. It was just an interesting session to me. We havent actually talked much about did, about what it means and what it is and how we see it. Eileen said the reason she asked us was because the questionaire we did last week, the first question in it says, do you believe you have a diagnosis of did or a dissociative disorder, do you and all parts believe that to be true? We do believe it to be true. That isnt the issue here. But Eileen just wanted our opinion on what we as parts think did is and what it means to us to be did to have that disorder. It was just interesting to me. I have to now go away and reflect on it a little.
So last night Eileen called me. We had to fill out the questionnaire for my treatment review that Remy is doing, it wasn’t that hard to fill out, Eileen made it super easy, she was great. She really came through for me. I don’t know why I worried so much. I was able to do it, me and Liz both did it together, Eileen said it would be good if Liz did it with me, so she did. And it was fine.
There were 32 questions on the questionnaire, all to do with symptoms of a dissociative disorder. You had to say how much you experienced the symptoms within the past week, from 0 to 100 percent. I think I did ok but a lot of our answers were like 50 percent up to 80 percent. We had only 2 100’s out of 32 questions.
Eileen told me she also had to fill one out for Remy, about her experiences of treating us, I am now wondering what she said on hers, I didn’t ask her. I didn’t want to just in case she wasn’t able to say what she put on hers.
But I am glad it is over and done with now. I feel relieved.