Vivekas poem!

hi guys

I am so happy to introduce you all to viveka! She has chosen for me to publish one of her pieces on my blog, which I am so happy to do! She writes awesome poems, so read this and if you like what you see check out her blog!

My name is Viveka Sah. I have suffered from anxiety in the past and a lot of my poems showcase those feelings of darkness, fear and the like, usually with hopeful undertones.

This is the link to my blog: Finely Wrought by Viveka

One of my poems:

STOP
Hush now.

You’re going to become everything you ever wanted to become.

You’re going to be able to do everything you ever wanted to.

Very soon.

Is that what you wanted to hear?

Is that what you’ve been telling yourself

All the while that you’ve been wreaking havoc?

That you’ll get what you want.

Want.

You want so much.

You want too much.

You’ve been at this for so long, how much more do you think you can take?

How much more are you going to ask of your body?

It isn’t a machine.

And you cannot ask it to be superhuman, because, child, it isn’t.

You’re a finite resource that can and will self-destruct if you need to.

You’re broken, yet you continue with the ceaseless barrage of demands?

Of torment?

Have you ever thought that you’re asking too much?

Stop.

Rethink this whole mess.

Stay, struggle, watch everything burn if you have to.

But stop asking, stop demanding, stop insisting

Stop torturing the only thing you have.

Because, soon enough, you won’t have it anymore.

You won’t have anything but regret.

And you’ll lose yourself all over again.

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i wish

It be darina
and want to kno somfin
I wish I had reeces penut buter cups
I love them
and I don got any
no fair!
actuly I gots no candees here
boohoo
everbudy shud kno littles need candees
who liks penut buter cups
jus in case yu woner why I rit lik this
I am a insidr
in this body and I am six
six yars old
and dats jus how I rit
ok guys?
I like food all food
and sweets and cookies
and cake and stuf hahahaha
I wanna kno whose gona share ther candees wif me
it crismas
and I need some candys
haha
darina ballerina hoose six

Morning has come and I feel good :P

so yeah got 4 hours of sleep. thanks for all of your warm thoughts, hugs and support last night. it meant a lot. thanks to DV and skye for standing up for me for what liz wrote. she really didn’t mean to upset me and I wasn’t upset really. i’m used to her. she does that sort of thing a lot, and she finds things humourous and funny that maybe others wouldn’t, and really she has no filter she just speaks her mind. i’m used to it by now. it really doesn’t bother me that much. idid password th epost though because I really don’t want everyone to read that. I thought of taking it down and then I decided that I wouldn’t, because while its about me and what I said and did, its liz’s thoughts, and I didn’t want to sensor her thoughts.
this morning I am cooking chili and when I have it made I will post a pic here. I’m looking forward to cooking it. I haven’t ever tried it before on my own, well I’ll have help but you know what I mean I haven’t ever cooked a chili from scratch.
I’ll be heading home today a day early for my assessment tomorrow. I’m nervous about tomorrow but trying to stay focused and positive. mostly other insiders are a little freaked out so I am trying to soothe the kids and be the strong one.
carol anne

Migraine

Today Friday I had to go home early from the ILS course. I had a migraine.

It came on quite suddenly. I think half the problem was I was really tired. I always get headaches when I feel exhausted.

I asked if I coule go home at noon, instead of at 2:30. My tutor said that was ok, but she needed to write up an incident report, because that was the rules, in case the centre was inspected for health and safety standards etc.

A whole lot of bullshit if ya ask me but who am I to say?

I just said ok and got ready to go home.

I went to mom and dads. Had dinner there, then went and lay on the couch for a while and slept. When I woke the headache was gone.

The rest of my Friday was good. I wrapped some xmas gifts, and wrote some xmas cards. I watched some tv, and went online, and slept some more.

She saw me…

I’M SIRENA. I’M 13. I’M A DARK IN OUR SYSTEM.

TODAY IN THERAPY EILEEN ASKED FOR ME. SHE ACTUALLY WANTED TO TALK TO ME. I COULDNT BELIEVE IT.

I HAD EMAILED HER LAST WEEK IN DISTRESS. TELLING HER I QUIT THERAPY AND I WASNT GOING TO CONTINUE AND I WASNT GOING TO ALLOW OTHERS TO TELL HER THINGS.

SHE RESPONDED TO MY EMAIL AND SAID SHE REALLY WANTED TO HEAR MY STORY. THAT I WAS IMPORTANT AND MY STORY WAS IMPORTANT.

THAT KIND OF FELWED TO ME…I AM NOT USED TO PEOPLE RESPONDING NICELY TO ME. I AM USED TO PEOPLE SAYING GO AWAY, OR GET OVER IT, OR JUST SUCK IT UP AND EAL…

SO THEN TODAY SHE ASKED FOR ME. AND I CAME OUT AND WE TALKED. AND YOU KNOW, I FELT VALIDATED. SECRETLY I WAS GLAD SHE ASKED FOR ME, BUT I’D NEVER ADMIT TO THAT. BUT I WAS REALLY GLAD IT FELT SO GOOD TO BE SEEN.

I FEEL LIKE A SOMEBODY, NOW.

SIRENA AGE 13

Tomorrows plans

plans for tomorrow have changed a little bit. I was supposed to bake my xmas cake but now I wont be baking it until Thursday. that is because cora, the staff member whose assisting me cant come in, something personal going on for her not sure what it is, but she wont be able to do it, so i’ll have to do it on Thursday and then ice it next week with mom. the icing is only roll out icing so mom can help me with that. and its best to leave the cake for about a week before icing it. the class are going on a field trip tomorrow, to a place called national learning network, they are going to look at options for further training there should they wish to pursue it since two of the class are leaving soon as their time on the course is up. i’m not going with them because I know about the national learning network already and I have been there to study so I decided I wouldn’t go. so I will just stay behind and do college work, its not like I don’t have a lot of that to catch up on. I said I was having a nearly night tonight but it looks like i’m not. I took meds and tried to lay down but I couldn’t sleep so got up again. its very warm in my room. the heating is turned up full blast and I don’t think I can turn it off. I was going to go have a shower but i’m not sure I should or whether to wait until morning. its just if I don’t sleep good then i’ll be super tired tomorrow morning and wont feel like jumping in the shower. at least I passed my risk assessment though so I can now make tea and coffee in my room. I will post the results of my assessment in another post. kim, the girl doing it had good things to say about my abilities to use equipment and navigate my surroundings confidentally. she also made recommendations for things that could be done to make it easier for me to do things and get around and be safe when making hot food etc. nitro is curled up by my feet, he’s a happy boy tonight. i’m mostly happy too 🙂