Carol annes vlog


Song of the day. Beauty from pain

I picked this song today because of how I am feeling.
I love the band super chick. I love this song in particular.
It gives me hope that things wont always be this bad, that I wont always feel so depressed and hopeless.

dr. barry

saw dr. barry this morning. it went well.
we talked about the depression and low mood.
she said she thinks something is triggering it, perhaps something that happened during the did reassessment.
i said i wasnt sure but maybe that could be it.
i told her that i am managing it for now. i didnt want to go in to the hospital. i want to try to get through it on my own, in the community.
she agreed with me. she said to keep doing the things i am doing that help me cope with it.
i said blogging had really helped me lately. that everyone on my blog had been so supportive. and so helpful with their lovely comments.
we also talked some about therapy and about insiders who havent worked with eileen before now starting to trust her and work with her. she congradulated us on that.
it was a very good appointment. i was happy to get her perspective on things.
carol anne

weight loss

good news this week guys at slimming world.
I’m down a pound.
I didnt make the stone, but maybe next week?
If I can get two and a half pounds down by next week I’ll be down a stone.
but i am happy with this weeks results.
i think I didnt do too bad at all.
You cant lose big amounts of weight every week.

laptop update

well guys. my laptop is officially dead. thanks to all of you for your suggestions on how i could try to fixit. i tried everything. nothing worked. i think i’ll have to take it in somewhere to try and have it repaired. more money that i dont have sigh. luckily i have a win xp netbook and that will have to tide me over for a few days until i can see if i can get the laptop sorted. i hope it can be sorted as a lot of important files are on it. please pray it can be fixed. otherwise i dont know what i’ll do.

And yeah depression…

has set in. I just feel so defeated.
I really cant deal. I am so overwhelmed. I really cant wait until tomorrow to see dr. barry. I need the apt. I need to talk this out. If I can, that is.
I am also seeing my OT mark tomorrow morning. I used to see him once a month. but since I started the ILS course we don’t see each other much. But he’s always only a phone call away.
Tomorrow will be our first apt in a while. Its just a general catch up.
I just feel so blah tonight. Everything feels like its going in slow motion. I feel very sluggish and slowed down. I don’t feel like doing anything. I need to shower for tomorrow. I put the hot water on but I don’t feel like getting in the shower. I just want to curl up and hide.
I will shower later on because I know its the right things to do so I don’t smell bad. I don’t want to go to see dr. barry and smell bad and look dirty because I didn’t shower.
I’m just on a bit of a downward spiral. And I cant seem to pull myself out of it.
so much for having a week off. If I knew it was going to be this bad I wouldn’t have wanted a week off. I hate when my mood is so bad. It is just so all consuming.
I decided on Thursday I will go to the basement club. I haven gone there since I started on the ILS course. They will think I don’t want to come in any more. Truth is though I haven’t had time. I haven’t had any time off to just go there and call in to see everyone. I am looking forward to doing tha tthis Thursday and possibly Friday too.