dr. barry

saw dr. barry this morning. it went well.
we talked about the depression and low mood.
she said she thinks something is triggering it, perhaps something that happened during the did reassessment.
i said i wasnt sure but maybe that could be it.
i told her that i am managing it for now. i didnt want to go in to the hospital. i want to try to get through it on my own, in the community.
she agreed with me. she said to keep doing the things i am doing that help me cope with it.
i said blogging had really helped me lately. that everyone on my blog had been so supportive. and so helpful with their lovely comments.
we also talked some about therapy and about insiders who havent worked with eileen before now starting to trust her and work with her. she congradulated us on that.
it was a very good appointment. i was happy to get her perspective on things.
carol anne


Bank holiday Monday

well its here. bank holiday Monday.
I had a rough nights sleep. nitro woke me at 3:30 wanting to go out. so I got up, let him out, and then went back to bed and tried to go back to sleep. I didn’t succeed though.
then at 4:30 my mom got up. she said she couldn’t sleep, that the steroids she’s on were making her feel wired. So she got up for the day. Now she says she is exhausted already and its not even noon yet.
I eventually went back to sleep for a while, but not very long.
I’m now up and have had breakfast. Going home to my own house in about an hour. Moms coming with me for the afternoon.
No plans for today other than to get on the treadmill for a half hour.
My headcold is mostly gone, in the mornings when I wake up I’m a little bit stuffed up but nothing much really.
I’m going to enjoy the rest of today, because tomorrow I’ll be busy again, even though I have a week off from the ILS course.
Happy Monday, everyone!

My afternoon plans changed!

Well, I never went to my friends. It was kind of a bummer as I needed the cheering up.  But when I called her she was going somewhere with her sister.  She did say that we could rearrange it for during the week.  So then when that didn’t happen, I decided to do a little self care after dinner, so I took a nap.  A nap that turned into about 3 hours, lol.  But I feel so good now after it.  I feel refreshed and rejuvenated.  And my mood is much better.  Mentally I am feeling good.  So I guess that’s a win, right?  I’ve eaten really healthily all day.  I’ve had a ton of fruit, I made two fruit salads and I put natural yoghurt on top.  They were delicious.  I didn’t  get any exercise in today.  But that’s ok, I’ll get a ton of it in this week when I’m home.  I’ll go on the treadmill every day, at least that’s the plan anyway.  When I was sleeping I had weird dreams.  Not bad ones, just weird.  Cant even describe them but they were kinda out there, now that I’m awake I can barely remember the details but when I first awoke I could remember them vividly.  Anyway.  Tomorrows a bank holiday here.  Mom is going to come to my house with me for the afternoon.  Hopefully my sis will drop me home when she is on her way to work.  Well that’s about it i guess.  So catch yall soon guys.

carol anne


just. ug. thats all i can manage. i’m so frustrated. i thought i was getting somewhere with this headcold. I thought it was easing a little. no such luck.

I made a lemsip. its now 5:30 AM. I managed to go back to sleep earlier, after waking at 1:30, I stayed up for like an hour then went back to sleep. But I slept fitfully. I tossed and turned and couldnt breathe too good.

It is not cool. I am so done with being sick. I just wish it was over.

My body is aching now too, so its not just my head and nose. My muscles ache, they feel weak. And I am hot and cold as well.

sigh. I’m not a very good patient either. I dont have patience for being sick. I just want an end to it.

Even nitros avoiding me tonight. He’s been sleeping. Normally he’d get out of his bed and come lie by my bed. But he didnt tonight. Guess he wants to avoid me too 😦

anyway. I better drink this lemsip. after this I only have one left.

I think I’m going to be on my own in class this morning. There should be another girl coming in but she rarely comes in. She is really bad at attending. So I might be by myself. Thats ok too though. I am able to work on my own and I actually prefer it.

I need to ring my gp’s office and order my meds today. I meant to do it yesterday but i forgot. I have to have the injection by next week as its due then. It takes 2 days for a prescription to be ready so I better get on it today.

Anyway. I’ll leave it here for now. Catch yall later!
carol anne

still feel miserable

so i still feel like shit. absolute crapola.
cant seemm to get warm. shivering with cold, then all of a sudden boiling up. but i dont have a fever.
so go figure.
i’ve been resting on my bed, just taking things easy.
taking lemsip and using an oil that you sniff to clear the airways in your nose.
feeling so freaking triggered. its a nightmare.
trying to stay present and adult so the kids arent set off.
its hard, though. very hard.
I took 3 lemsip today. I have two left for tomorrow because there’s only 5 in a box.
they are for cold and flu. I hope they will make me feel a little better by morning.
carol anne


well i know i said earlier i was gonna stay up. but in the end i didnt. i went back to bed. my head started hurting and i was really triggered with not being able to breathe. i stayed up for like an hour or so and then i figured i’d make an attempt to try to go back to sleep again. and it worked. well when i say it worked i tossed and turned and my phone kept blinging with notifications but i did sleep. then at 5 AM my friend rose texted me, and then rang me. she’s in a little bit of a crisis at the moment. she has bpd and anxiety and depression, amixture of all 3. she needed someone to talk to. i didnt really mind as i was just lying there awake anyway so its not like she woke me up. we talked for an hour. i hope it helped her. now i’ve just made coffee and got dressed even though its only 6 AM. at least my nose is clear right now, its not all plugged up. i hope it stays that way for a while. i have some time before breakfast as breakfast isnt until 8 AM. I will just go online and then at 7 let nitro out and feed him and stuff. i hope you’ve all had a pretty good evening and night, and if its still night for you I hope your trying to sleep.
carol anne

Evening ramble

well guys despite a lot of anxiety earlier and a little bit of exhaustion I have had a pretty good and very relaxed evening. I ate a very healthy dinner of roast chicken, potatos, cauliflower, carrots and peas. It was a residents birthday and so there was ice cream and birthday cake, but I resisted it, I didnt have any, instead I had my fruit salad. I was gonna give in and have some, but then I thought about going to slimming world on wednesday, stepping on that scales and possibly not losing anything. I thought about how disappointed I’d be if that happened, and so I said no to the cake and ice cream. Everyone kept telling me how much will power I had to not eat it. I suppose its true I do have determination to be able to refuse it. After dinner when I went upstairs I called a friend whose feeling a little down at the moment, and I talked to her for a bit. Then I decided that I’d take a nice long hot shower. I was hoping that would settle me some as I could feel the anxious feelings rising up again. So I took a shower and I felt so good afterwords. I got this new shampoo and I used it tonight. Its amazing, and smells sooo good you could almost eat it if you didnt know better 🙂 its papaya and mango and man its just amazing! After my shower I lay down and I decided I’d read, and if I fell asleep then that would be ok because of therapy today, I’m always pretty exhausted after the session. I did fall asleep. That was around 7:30 PM and I just woke up at 9:15. I let nitro out to do his nightly thing, of course he was ignoring me and refusing to come in again. So I let him out a little bit longer and I had to just wait until he was ready. He takes his sweet time about it though lol 😛 anyway, he’s in now. I’m about to make some tea now and watch some tv for a while. The anxious feelings have gone for now, again. Thank goodness. I hope they wont come back later when its time to settle down.
carol anne