The weekend!

Tomorrow my mom and sister are going camping, without us. I decided I wouldn’t go. Its not my thing, really.
I will stay at my parents though for the weekend with my dad. I plan on catching up with friends this weekend. I plan on visiting Norma on Saturday, and my friend Rose on Sunday. Monday will be a rest day, unless I decide to go to the movies with some of the members of the basement club, I am still thinking about it.
I will miss my mom this weekend. My dad is not the easiest to get along with. I always prefer to have my mom here. Also its a big thing for me to say I will miss her. A year or to ago I’d have never said that. So yeah progress!
Im planning on having a nice weekend though. I will also put some self care activities in to help me cope. Some nice hot showers, time to read, watch some tv, a treat for the kids, blogging, etc.

Question of the day

What one coping skill do you use time and time again to help in your recovery?

For me it is writing. I love writing. I always have. I love my blog. My blog helps me so much. I write, and people give me support, so its a win win. Its wonderful. I am so glad I started blogging. Now its a coping skill I use over and over again.

How about you?


Feeling unstable

i dont feel good this morning. i am feeling extremely depressed. I woke up feeling that way. I am not sure why. Nothing happened to make me feel down. I just woke up feeling like I couldnt cope. I ate some breakfast. I wanted to just go back to bed but I pushed myself to stay up. I am reading blog posts now. It is helping. I wish I knew why I feel so low. But there is no rhyme or reason to it. I hate the bla feeling. Its an I couldnt care less sorta feeling. I just wish it would go away. I dont have plans for today. Maybe if i did I’d be better. I donno though just cant seem to get focused or motivated. I just want to veg. I just want to sleep too. I havent slept well at all. Last night was a write off. I couldnt sleep no matter what i did. Eventually at around 4 AM I fell asleep. After a lot of tossing and turning. I read my book for a while, but I could only read 2 chapters. I didnt feel up to reading any more of it. Thank god I have therapy tomorrow. It wont come quick enough.
carol anne



the full moon the other night has left us struggling. we hate full moons. reminds us of ritual abuse memories. we’ve really tried hard to not go there. Its hard to do when the memories are threatening to send you spiraling!
we did manage though somehow, alls i gotta say is thank god for reading!
And thank god for bloggers and blogs to also read!
The leftover feelings are hard to come to terms with and tonight we’ve been struggling. I even ended up sleeping a lot today to just get us through it.
Tomorrows a new day. We emailed eileen. And we will get through it. I know we can. I have faith.


Fly free

When I was being abused, I always wanted to fly away.
I thought if I flew away, I’d be safe.
I guess dissociation is a form of flying. Do people think so?
I would disconnect from my body during the abuse, I would hover over it, watch what was happening from above my body.
I guess that is a form of flying too, to fly above your body while your being hurt.
I do wonder why some of us dissociated during our abuse, and others didn’t? Why some of us developed coping mechanisms like did, and others didn’t. I heard recently of a case on the radio where a father abused his daughter for years, sexually.
She didn’t develop did, or a dissociative disorder, but she did develop other coping skills.
I guess we’re all different. We all manage to cope in different ways.
Just some random thoughts today that I am thinking about.

5:20 AM

I cant sleep. So I got up. No point in staying in bed when all I seem to be doing is thinking.
I started reading a new book last night. Its called broken and is by rosie lewis. She is a UK foster parent. The books been out a while now and I’ve had it for a while but am only now getting around to reading it. So far I really like it.
I’m so happy its Friday. I love weekends! I came to my parents house last night. I was going to wait to go until today but then my sister said she’d give me a ride so I grabbed it. Saves me money on a taxi fare.
I am going to my friend Normas house today for 2 hours. We are going to do a training session. Im not sure what she wants to actually work on. However I will leave it up to her.
Mom is going to be looking after my sisters kids this morning while my sisters at work. Im sure they’ll be bored as they don’t really have any other kids here to play with, and mom and dad don’t have internet at their house so they cant even use their tablets.
Weathers been good though so that’s good. It means I can walk nitro as it has cooled down considerably. We’re actually meant to have some rain today. A little rain would be nice as we haven’t had any in about 7 weeks. The grass needs watering!
Well I will close this here. Hoping you all have a fantastic Friday and a fantastic weekend!