PA stuff

so i’ve emailed the people who provide my PA service this morning. I was clear in the email about what I need in a PA going forward.
The person in the office said they’d try their best to get me someone that will suit my needs. Kristen finishes with me on Thursday. I dont want to be without a PA but I fear I may be without someone for a couple of weeks.
I told the office I need someone who can provide a driving service if that is possible. Otherwise it will get expensive paying for taxi’s to and from the grocery store. Yes we pay the PA for gas but what we pay the PA is minimal compared to the expense of getting a taxi.
So we shall see. Only time will tell if I get someone who drives or not.
I really am hoping for a good match. Who I get is important to me. Its important I can relate to them and I am able to get along with them. Their personality traits are important to me.

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no college tonight and other things

so i found out that the college i go to is closed today. so i have no classes tonight. so that gives me time to get caught up on my reflective learning journal, of which i have two weeks to catch up on, but am i doing that? noooo, of course I’m not. I’m procrastinating.
Kristen came this morning…it was her second last day of working with us. She did some cleaning, went to starbux for us, and helped us make breakfast. we got a pumpkin spice latte in starbux. it was delicious, my first one of the season.
i decided to go stay with mom and dad tonight and tomorrow night. i’m going to see dr. barry tomorrow morning, and then in the afternoon I’m going to a conference on mental health, run by the counselling service at the basement club. my friend norma is coming with me. it should be good. the theme of it is mind your mind.
i read this morning on facebook that another storm is set to hit us at the weekend. not as bad as ophelia but still bad enough with high winds and lots of rain. thats all we need…

one week to go

so i only have one week to go before we start the independent living skills course. with each day that passes i get more and more excited. this is a great opportunity. not only do i gain skills but i am in a supported environment with other disabled people and staff to help me. this is great and i think we will really benefit from being there. i know the staff arent trained in handling mental health difficulties, but they do know we have did and ptsd, and they are ok with it. we can tell them things like that we feel anxious, etc. we dont have to tell them the full extent of things if we get triggered, so as not to freak them out completely. im hoping though we dont get triggered too often. there are two other people there who have mental illnesses as well. both of them are in wheelchairs. i know they struggle because they both told me. i’ve been preparing for going, getting laundry ready, fixing up my house etc. the great thing is they have transportation there, so it means i will be able to keep my apt to see dr. barry because they will take me there. I will also be able to continue my volunteering as well as part of the course. I was delighted about that. I didnt want to give up volunteering! so yeah just so excited. there is also a nervous anxiousness running through my body!
carol anne

Change

i cant quite believe next week will be my last week with my current pa kristen. we’ve worked together for a year and a half.
it will be sad to lose her. she is a really nice person. i’m nervous about who will replace her, will i like them, etc.
we shall see i guess. only time will tell.
change is hard. i dont much like it.
oh well, i will just enjoy the last couple of days with kristen. we’re still gonna keep in touch on facebook, and we’ll still meet up for coffee and stuff like that.

I GOT THROUGH IT

I GOT THROUGH LAST NIGHT. I’M OK. I’M OK, AND TODAY IS A NEW DAY. I MANAGED TO SLEEP.
I REALLY THOUGHT I’D HAVE NIGHTMARES BUT I DIDNT. I SLEPT WELL. SO YEAH THATS A REAL POSITIVE. I’M FEELING WELL RESTED THIS MORNING. WHICH IS GOOD SINCE WE HAVE A BUSY DAY AHEAD.
TODAYS THE DAY OF THE FOOD HARVEST FESTIVAL. THE GARDEN AT THE BASEMENT CLUB IS OPENING AND WE ARE HELPING WITH DOING THE INFORMATION STAND. THEN AFTER THE EVENT THE COORDINATOR IS TAKING THOSE OF US THAT HELPED HER OUT FOR COFFEE AND CAKE.
IT WILL BE NICE. I’M LOOKING FORWARD TO IT.
COFFEE IS MY FAVOURITE DRINK. I’M FEELING PROUD. I TOLERATED INTENSE EMOTIONS, AND MEMORIES. AND I SURVIVED.
LIZ

More change. New PA

so there is more change on the horizon for me. now that I will be starting the independent living course soon, actually I am starting on October 23rd, I found out today. but well because I will be living there from Monday to Friday of each week, I will have to get a new PA. Kristen cant work in the evenings, and she doesn’t work weekends. Today I rang Anna the person in charge of the PA service. I told her my dilemma and asked her if she could get me someone on the weekends. She was honest and said they were finding it very hard to get people to work the weekend shifts. So then I said if she could get me someone for Friday evenings I’d be happy with that. She said she’d send out an email to all of the PAS and get back to me. So heres hoping. I hate losing Kristen. Me and her get on so well. She is a great PA. I’ve worked with her for almost 2 years. That’s a long time in the grand scheme of things. She said that we’d stayin touch though. And that I need to do what I need to do to better my life. Still its hard to lose her when I’ve become close to her. Hoping the new PA will work out. I cant handle much more change, so hopefully this is the last of it.

Change is hard

i’m a little stressed out right now. i guess all this change has caught up to me. so much change. and i am not good with change.

first of all i’ve started with the new cpn sarah. she has already spoken to dr. barry. last week i spoke to sarah about the hard week i’d been having. yesterday i find out she told dr. barry everything. i dont know how i feel about that. i did not realise our sessions werent confidential.

part of me feels relieved that she did speak to dr. barry. but part of me is like, i dont want her to tell her everything i say to her. i know dr. barry is my consultant. and she needs to know how I am doing. I guess I just thought some things would be confidential. After all that is how you build a relationship with someone.

I think though with the mental health team, they all write everything into your chart. So say when i see sarah or mark the OT or the social worker, they write a note in my chart for dr. barry telling her what we’ve been discussing and working on. At least that is what I think happens.

I’m a bit miffed it has to be this way. It feels like everything I say or do is scrutinized. I hate that.

Then there is the did assessment. Its happening soon. Its not an assessment for diagnosing did, thats already been done 7 years ago. But rather an assessment to see where we are going with treatment going forward.

I am nervous. What if they say I can only be treated for so many years. What then. I doubt they will but the worry is still there. These are the did experts, after all. What they say will have a major impact on how dr. barry works with me in the future.

She will take her guidance from them. She will do what they suggest. Eileen reassured me on Monday she isnt going anywhere. That she will be here for us for as long as we need. That it is and will be our choice when we finish therapy. But what if it isnt? What if the funders wont pay for therapy for more than a couple of years. What then?

Its hard to think about. It makes me incredibly stressed just thinking about it.

With my new college course, and the independent living skills course there is also a lot of changes going on with the structure of my days. I will not be able to spend as much time in the basement club as I have been doing. I am afraid of losing that community. Technically I wont, because technically once your a member then your a member for life. I know I can always go back. But when you have been out of the loop for a while it can be daunting to go back again.

I wont be able to go to the basement club once th eindependent living skills course starts. I wont have time. I’ll literally be doing the course from 9 AM until 5 PM every day. There wont be much time for anything because outside of that I’ll have to do my college work for the addiction studies course. I’ll be lucky to be able to keep up with blogs, email and facebook. I hope I will as these are all very important to me.

So yeah a lot of change going on. I just hope I’ll be able to cope with all of it.