Just a couple of snaps taken last night. We didn’t do much last night just stayed around the apartment complex had drinks had dinner and listen to music and chatted, it was really nice. Today we are going to a couple of beaches so I should be able to get some nice pictures and I will post them later on today, the vacation is going really well so far we are having a lot of fun.
besides my appointments today i had a pretty busy day. when i finished with dr. barry i rang mom and she said she was already at my house. my sister had dropped her there on her way to work. she got called into work to do relief and so she had to drop my mom off early. so i got the taxi home and then i sat chatting to mom for a while. she made me lunch. despite not losing any weight this week i still ate healthily. i had a turkey sandwich for lunch. mom ironed some of my clothes for going on vacation this weekend. she also put on some laundry for me. and did dishes. i wanted to recycle some clothes and donate them to charity. i had a couple of shirts that no longer fit me so i asked mom if she’d take them to the charity shop and she said she would. mom stayed at my house for 3 hours. when she left i was tired so i ended up laying down for a little while. i didnt sleep though. i just read my book. my home help came at 4. she helped me cook dinner. i had sweet potato fries and chicken wings for dinner. the wings were really spicy. i enjoyed them. when my home help left i layed on the couch watching tv. i put the kids horse blanket over me. its so fluffy and soft that i actually dozed off while i was under it. i slept for an hour or so. i woke up feeling refreshed. i’ve been online and watching tv for the rest of the evening. i watched long lost families, and law and order SVU, and I’m about to start watching I survived. I’ve already taken my night meds. I’m debating whether I should pick up the emergency prescription dr. barry gave me or whether i should just not take it. i dont have to take it. i could always take a couple of haldol with me on vacation this weekend in case of emergency. i should sleep ok on vacation though. i cant imagine i’ll have trouble sleeping. i’ll have my mom and sister in the apartment with me so i wont be alone. plus i’ll probably drink some alcohol so that will put me to sleep as well. my pa kristen will be here tomorrow morning at 8:30 AM. we have to clean the house. i dont have anything else that i really need to do. i’m going to ask her to drop me to mom and dads when we are finished. i’ll be there then until monday. well i wont be there i’ll be on vacation. i cant wait for vacation. i hope the weather is going to hold out for us. it said rain but hopefully they got it wrong. hopefully it will stay dry and we can go to the beach.
i feel sad and hopeless. my heart just hurts. someone please sit with me. i am scared. lonely and scared and sad and feeling afraid and alone and like its hard to breathe. i need a friend. i need someone to love me. i am remembering lots of bad things and feeling gross and disgusting and like i am bad and unlovable and like everyone hates me.
inclued spending time with my niece and nephew. always such a joy. my niece lauren is 9, my nephew davin is 4, and they are the cutest little monkeys ever. they light up my world every single day. i cant imagine not seeing them and if i dont see them for a day or two i miss it. i have a friend who barely sees her nieces and nephews, her family just dont make the effort to come visiting and as much as she tries to she is quite limited in what she can do, and i think its so sad that she has to miss out on such joy because children are so amazing and always bring a smile! anyway back to today. my sister phoned mom this morning, she was extremely ill with a stomach bug. had vomiting and diarrhea all night last night, was up all night couldnt sleep for obvious reasons, and so had to miss work. felt very sorry for herself and generally very crappy. we were supposed to go out today, well i wasnt, mom and my sister were going to go to a historic jail in the city, because the kids hadnt ever seen it. so mom decided that she’d take the kids and laura could rest for the day, sleep if she needed to to regain her strength. so her partner davin (he’s also called davin) dropped them over to moms house. and off they went. it was so funny listening to mom recount how davin had been terrified and held on to her hand the whole time, afraid i’d say that he’d be left in the jail cells. she said there was a cilluette of a ghost, and it really scared him, poor kid. he excitedly told me all about it when they got home. mom brought home pizza and we all had that even me. gone was my healthy eating for today instead i splurged on pizza and fanta orange. it was delicious. i dont get weighed in until tuesday so alls good i can figure out all that tomorrow. after dinner we all went in the garden and played with nitro, watching him play fetch with the kids was another of my happy moments, he loves the kids and they love him. thankfully my sister is feeling a lot better this evening, so as usual she’ll be coming over tomorrow to mom and dads house for sunday dinner.
ok so my mom is really awesome, even though she said I was a whiner a little bit ago. she just did something lovely for me. i told her my back really hurts, and after giving me a painkiller she asked me if I’d like a hot water bottle to put on my back to ease the pain and so i said yes to that and she went and made me one. then she brought me extra pillows so now i am sitting up on the bed with two pillows at my back and a hot water bottle too. the heat is really helping my muscles to relax and i am hoping they will be less tensed up with the hot water bottle surrounding that area. mom said that if its not gone by monday that i should take the vivamo i have at home, they were from the last visit to my gp, he gave me vivamo to take the inflamation down and i have about 5 left so can take those. i am going away next weekend to killarney in co. kerry and i dont want this to be an issue during my trip or it will be spoiled. so i will do all i can to get rid of this pain before then.
my back is really sore and painful today. i think i’ve pulled it. probably from all the exercising i’ve been doing. when i bend forward it hurts. when i am sitting if i sit a certain way or try to straighten out my legs too far it hurts. getting out of bed hurts too. its a sort of shooting pain. not pleasant. i’ve taken a strong pain killer for the pain. hopefully that will work. i hope it doesnt make me go to sleep. i was going to drink a cup of coffee to make sure i didnt fall asleep but mom said that it probably wouldnt be a good idea to drink coffee and take painkillers as well. so i’m having tea instead. the pain has been there for 3 days, but i ignored it until today. its my lower back thats effected. i’m hoping its just a muscular thing and it will come right on its own given a day or two resting. i am not good with pain, i dont tolerate it well. i’d never be a good chronic pain patient. i’m just a very bad patient. my mom says i am a moan and a whiner. i’m like thanks very much i love you too. lol. i’m just gonna try to ignore it and do other stuff for the evening and hope it settles down soon.