a sunday ramble

i’m having another lazy day. not up to much. woke up early, actually was awake during the night, at like 5 AM. got up for an hour went online, and then was able to go back to sleep for another hour or so. woke up at 8, because nitro decided he was going to lick my face until I got up 😛 he’s so funny he just wanted to see who was out in the kitchen he’s so nosey hahahaha 🙂 so i got up and fed him and then i was starving myself so i ate breakfast. i made yummy hot buttered toast, i love it when the butter is melted on the toast, its my favourite way to eat it. i havent done anything else this morning except showered. my dads brother is here the one thats in a nursing home, its his birthday today and so he came to my parents house for dinner. its my dads birthday tomorrow. there is 3 years between him and his brother, his brother is older by 3 years, my dad will be 64 tomorrow. i gave him money, because i didnt know what else to get him, he’s not a gifts sort of person, he prefers the money. i’ll just relax for the rest of the afternoon, i’ll be going home to my own house around 6 PM. and of course x factors on tonight, i’ll be glued to it. i’m totally addicted.
do any of you watch x factor?
what are you doing for your sunday?
carol anne

Advertisements

Succumb to my emotions

I succumb to my emotions
and now I feel weak
Stupid even
How come I keep doing this?
What is wrong with me?
pain, hurt, sadness
Its all there
All encompassing
I succumb to it
Even though I try not to
Now its time
To make some tea
And breathe into the emotion
To just be
Be free to be me

Succumb

SOCS prompt for this week is Well

The #SCOS prompt for this Saturday is well.
The Friday Reminder and Prompt for #SoCS Oct. 14/17

Well, its Saturday. And oh how I love Saturdays. Saturday I think it is my favourite day. It is usually a day where I can rest and recuperate after my busy week.
Today, I am doing just that. Even though I got up early, I am lazing around…not doing much of anything.
I definitely want to read some today. I’ve been online for a while this morning, and I’ve eaten breakfast, yummy scrambled egg on toast.
Emotionally I’m doing well. I feel happy. I feel content. I feel loved. And it feels so good.
Well, I must go make myself a nice cup of coffee. Bye for a while.

Poetry

as i sit
my thoughts race
what is this place
is it a memory?
why cant i see
dissociated
complicated
i sit and wait
for what seems like an eternity
when really
its only a couple of minutes
as the flashbacks hits full on
i try to be strong
but fear gives way to tears
and i cry and cry
cant say i know why
memories of abuse sting
and i am contemplating
what to do next
and where to go with this

SoCS-for september 9th Motive

my motive in writing this post is to explain what did is. did, or dissociative identity disorder is the mental illness, or one of them, that I struggle with. did used to be called multiple personality disorder or mpd. the diagnosis name was changed to dissociative identity disorder in the early 90’s. when you have did you can be known as a system of alters or parts. there is the host, or the birth person, and then there are the alters, or parts. everyone shares the body. when you change from one part to another its called switching. you may have seen the tv show united states of tara, did is not really portrayed well in that show. the media flaunts it as usual. switching is not really as bizarre or outrageous as its made out to be in that show. alters can be any age and of both genders. you can even have alters who are non human, animals, or inanimate objects. we do not in our system have alters who are inanimate objects, but we do have a couple animal alters. there are many different types of alters, including protectors, child alters, angry parts, age sliders, teens, adults, we have darks, these are alters whose role was to work against the system. some can be self destructive. did can be a crazy roller coaster ride. some days it can be a challenge to live with. but when things are stable and everyone is happy it can be a blessing. there is always someone in the system to do what you cannot. dissociation is a tool I used to survive. I needed to survive abuse, and dissociation helped me immensely to go on living.

The Friday Reminder and Prompt for #SoCS Sept. 9/17