Category: PTSD

OMG GUYS! IM STRUGGLING SO DAMN MUCH TONIGHT! CANT COPE WITH THIS LEVEL OF FUCKING ANXIETY! IM REALLY FREAKED OUT! I JUST CANT DEAL! IT FEELS LIKE I’M ABOUT TO EXPLODE! MY HEAD IS SO FULL, BUZZING WITH THOUGHTS, MY EMOTIONS ARE SO ALL OVER THE DAMN PLACE. ITS ALMOST 2 AM. I WENT TO BED EARLY WITH ALL INTENTIONS TO GO TO SLEEP AND STAY ASLEEP. I WAS IN BED BY 9:30. I SLEPT ALL OF ONE HOUR. ONE FUCKIN HOUR GUYS! I WOKE UP AT 10:45 AND I’VE BEEN AWAKE SINCE. I REALLY NEEDE TO GO TO THERAPY TODAY. DAMN DISSOCIATION! BUT I REALLY THINK THERE’S MORE TO IT THAN JUST THE DISSOCIATION, I THINK SOMEONE FROM OUR PAST, A PAST FUCKHEAD ABUSER HAS TOLD PEOPLE NOT TO SHOW UP TO THERAPY NOT TO GO. I EMAILED EILEEN. I TOLD HER HOW I FELT. SHE HASNT RESPONDED BUT THEN SHE NORMALLY DOESNT SO ITS NOT UNUSUAL. THEN MY FUCKIN EMAIL WENT BUST. I HAD TO MAKE A NEW ACCOUNT FOR EMAIL AS WE CANT REMEMBER THE PASSWORD TO GET IN TO OUR OTHER ONE. GO FIGURE. SO NOW I WILL HAVE TO CHANGE ALL OF MY IMPORTANT STUFF OVER TO THIS NEW EMAIL ADDY. I WILL TRY TO UPDATE EVERYONE WITHIN THE NEXT FEW DAYS. IT WAS OUR MAIN EMAIL ACCOUNT TOO, THE ONE THATS UNDER SHIRLEYS NAME. AND ALL OF OUR IMPORTANT STUFF LIKE BILL NOTIFICATIONS AND STUFF GO THROUGH THAT ACCOUNT. SO THAT JUST FUCKING GREAT. I WAS SO PISSED. ALSO BECAUSE ABUSERS WERE CONTACTING US ON THAT ONE, I DECIDED TO JUST WELL DITCH IT WHEN THE PASSWORD WASNT WORKING AND I HAD RANG THE TECH SUPPORT FOR MY ISP AND TRIED TO CHANGE IT BUT COULDNT, SO I JUST SAID FUCK IT ITS PROBABLY FOR THE BEST AND MADE A NEW ONE. ANYWAY. I’M RAMBLING, SORRY GUYS. I KNOW YOUR PROBABLY TIRED OF MY FUCKEDUPNESS. I AM TIRED OF IT TOO.
LIZ