Review of where we’re at in therapy

today in therapy we had a review. a review of where we’re at. of what is working and what isnt working. we reviewed our work so far, we usually do these reviews once a year. just so eileen can get a feel for where we’re at, and what needs to be worked on and how we need to progress.
she asked me what did i feel we needed to focus on for the next little while. i had a list of four things. they were food and weight, anxiety, sleep and dealing with dissociation.
i told her that i feel that sometimes we skip from topic to topic and its a little disconcerting. i said i feel that sometimes we start working with someone or on something and then we get sidetracked because something else or someone else needs attention and the thing we had started working on is forgotten about or pushed to the side for another time. i want to try to change this.
she agreed that maybe we need to structure sessions more. contract to work on one thing at a time for a while. i said maybe if insiders knew and had reassurance that we’d get to their stuff that it might not be so hard for them to hold their stuff. they’d know we’ll get to them eventually.
we talked about the dissociation. eileen said that even though we still dissociate a lot, that we’ve gotten much better at being able to come back, and i said thats pretty much down to her, she catches it when it happens. she asked me how i felt about her noticing, i said I was glad she does.
some of the young insiders didnt like that we were doing a review, they started panicking when we started it. they were afraid of things changing, they dont do well with change, they want things to pretty much stay how they are.
Eileen reassured them that this was just to help her to help us better, and that seems to satisfy them, and they were calm again after a little while.
We talked about what if therapy was done, how would I feel and what would that look like, at this point she had me use the pulsers and we worked with the feelings for a little while, I find it hard to describe the feelings though. I’m just not good at that at all. She was really helpful to me though and she noticed after a while that doing the work with the pulsers was starting to upset me so she turned them off.
I’m glad we did the review today though. I found it helpful to do that with her.

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We’re home!

So we’re home! Got home about half an hour ago. Our flight went smoothly, but we were delayed taking off. We were half an hour late taking off from london. But once in the air we were fine. Not sure why the delay taking off. My sister picked us up at the airport. I’m very glad to be back home. I’m glad the funeral is over. I’m also glad that I am not around alcohol and my aunt. She has been constantly drinking during the whole time we’ve been there. Its been super hard to cope with. All I could do was take myself out of the room when she started to get too much for me to cope with. She repeats herself a lot when she’s drunk. Its annoying. So all I could do was go. Go upstairs to the bedroom and go on my computer. I had a long chat with one of her daughters today. She told me they’ll be keeping a close eye on their mom. They’ll have to. She’s really bad. I’m afraid she is going to go downhill. She’s not eating, a few bites here and there but nothing substantial. I dont think her organs are going to take the amount of alcohol she’s drinking. I think she is going to become really ill and probably really fast too. I just hope she’ll be ok. I’m worried for her. But we’re safe, we’re home and we’re safe. And Nitro was so happy to see me! He wagged his tail and licked me to death! He was super excited!

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My aunt…She’s done it

Well guys, it has happened. My aunt got herself a bottle vodka. She did it, despite us not getting it for her. Despite us not bringing it, she still managed to get some.
She went out to the local store. In the pouring rain. Thats how desperate she was. She had to have it. She walked there in the lashings of rain.
Her husband doesnt know. He’s out at the moment. He’s gone to pick up his car. He has no idea she did it. She has warned me not to say anything to him. My mom had to go with her, well she didnt have to, but she did. She felt obligated.
Now this is where things might be rough. If she drinks all of it, the whole bottle, which she will, she’s going to be drunk and things could get ugly.
I just hope that they wont. I feel bad for my mom and me that we’re stuck in the middle. If her husband finds out she did this he might be really mad.
Oh well. We cant do anything about it now. She has it and she’s going to drink it no matter what we say or do. She is an alcoholic after all. Old habits die hard.

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Didnt go to the doctor after all

so I didnt end up going to my gp. I decided not to because I decided they probably wouldnt give me an apt. Its pretty hard almost next to impossible now to get an apt to see anyone, you literally have to give a weeks notice if you want to see someone. You cant just be sick one day and say you’d like to see a doctor. Its a crazy situation really. So my Pa came, and we went to the local store. I bought some paracetamol which is for the types of symptoms I am having. I also bought some throat sweets. That will do for now. I am actually not feeling too bad right now, so I am going to go volunteering. I wasnt going to go but then I decided I would. They are depending on me, and I dont feel too crappy so getting out of the house will do me good I think. I also got my money out of the ATM. I need to sort the money out before I leave. Mom is going to get me some english stirling and I also owe her for the flights. I just texted my supervisor to ask her if she’s picking me up. She said she would pick me up at 1:45. Other than that my PA cleaned, we got the cleaning done in record time. It was great. There really wasnt that much to do anyway, since I wasnt here all week. I’m going to take two tablets before I leave, just to keep my symptoms at bay. I have to come home and cook, so I dont want to have a symptom flare up, or otherwise I may not be able to do it.

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Morning update

Slept well last night. Managed a few straight hours of sleep.
Was glad to be able to sleep good. I needed it. Feeling ok today. Decided to stay at our parents until tomorrow.
We’ll get our sister to drop us home after therapy tomorrow.
Nothing much planned today. My plan is to have a nice bubble bath and catch up on reading blog posts. Ya’ll might see me comment a lot today on your blogs.
Going to go read my book now and try to finish it up.

I spoke to my partner

After a month or so without talking to her, we finally got to talk on skype. Well I called her. She’s ok, but she was having a lot of trouble with her words, I think it was due to her meds, she couldn’t quite say what she wanted to say to me, she was having a lot of trouble stringing sentences together.
For those who aren’t aware, my partner jess, lives in a psychiatric residential unit, she’s been there since 2015. I am so sad that she has to be there. She was meant to be going on a home visit this weekend but her mom got sick so she couldn’t go. She was quite upset about it when we talked.
She was delighted I called her though. It was so good to talk to her. I miss her so much. I think of her every day. I would anyway, but well she thought I didn’t. I told her I do. I wake up, and i think of her. I wonder how she is, what she’s doing etc.
I told her to go switch on her phone and we can text. Her phone wasn’t working for a while. It is now again though. So if she switches it on we can text and facetime using our phones. That will be good.
I’m happy now. I can go to bed happy tonight.