FAILURE AT THERAPY?

IM SO SO WORRIED WHAT IF WE’RE FAILING THERAPY? WHAT IF EILEENS WANTS US GONE? WHAT IF SHE THINKS WE’RE NOT WORKING HARD ENOUGH? OR SHES MAD AT US NOW CUZ WE NEVER TOLD HER HOW BAD IT WAS, FOR WEEKS? AND THEN YESTERDAY SHE SAID WOULD YOU HAVE TOLD ME? IF I DIDNT PRESS IT? AND LIZ SAID SHE WOULD HAVE, BUT OMG I DONT WANT TO FAIL! I DONT WANT TO HAV HER BE MAD AT ME!
OMG I CANT STAND THINKING BOUT IT. IT MAKES ME SO NERVOUS. I JUST EMAILED HER TO ASK HER. I HOPE SHE RESPONDS TO THAT!
PIXIE

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Slept well last night

So I went to bed super early last night. I wasn’t feeling good so I called it a night at around 8 PM.

And I am glad I did! I slept well! I slept for an hour, then woke up when my dad brought nitro in to me at 9 but I was able to go back to sleep again.

I then slept straight through until 5 AM. Now Its almost 6 AM and I am awake and feeling great.

My mood feels a lot better than it felt yesterday. I am not feeling suicidal. I feel much happier.

I’ll be going home to my own house today, my sister will drop me, she is going to fix up my new TV, I got a new 40 inch tv, she has to fix it up, tune it in and then I can plug in my apple TV and stream netflicks on it.

anyone got any recommendations for a good series to start watching?

Processing, a poem

when memories hit
and all you can do is watch it
your head spins
eyes blurr
you feel your mind whir
you feel edgy
like a volcano waiting to erupt
your head is fuzzy
as you count
1, 2, 3
wait and see
what will happen?
when will this all end?
if you only knew
close your eyes
let it happen
dont deny it
it will be over soon

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Shitty nights sleep!

Yeah, I haven’t had a great night. I woke at 4. I wanted to stay asleep so bad. But I couldn’t, so I got up. I went online. Read blogs. Read emails.

I even went to bed early last night, I shut down my computer at 11 PM. That’s early for me. And that was after sleeping for a few hours in the afternoon too. I managed to go to sleep pretty quickly last night. Not even my phone was going to keep me up.

Now if only I could stay asleep once I get there? Will be working on sleep stuff in therapy today. Eileen said she’d help me work on it. Am so looking forward to actually sitting down with her and trying to figure all this sleep stuff out. Hoping if I can my life will get easier and sleep problems will be less.

OVERWHELMED

I AM FEELING OVERWHELMED. I NEED EILEEN. SO I TEXTED HER. I TEXTED TO ASK IF WE CAN DO A PHONE CHECK IN TODAY. IM WAITING FOR HER TO REPLY. ITS EARLY SO SHE MAY NOT REPLY FOR A FEW HOURS. WAITING FOR A REPLY IS HARD.

IM TRYING TO WATCH ELLEN FOR SOME DISTRACTION.I LOVE ELLEN. SHE’S FUNNY.

I CANT DEAL WITH HAVING THESE FEELINGS. I HATE FEELINGS. I KNOW I SHOULD JUST FEEL THEM. BUT MAN ITS SO FUCKING HARD. I CANT DO IT. I JUST CANT. EILEEN ALWAYS SAYS MY FEELINGS WONT KILL ME. GOD IT FEELS LIKE THEY WILL NOW THOUGH.

GOD! THIS SUCKS!

Healing thought for Saturday from Alexa

I have come to accept the feeling of not knowing where I am going. And I have trained myself to love it. Because it is only when we are suspended in mid-air with no landing in sight, that we force our wings to unravel and alas begin our flight. And as we fly, we still may not know where we are going to. But the miracle is in the unfolding of the wings. You may not know where you’re going, but you know that so long as you spread your wings, the winds will carry you.
C. JoyBell C.

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Stormy! A poetry prompt!

A STORM IS BREWING
INSIDE OF ME
I FEEL STORMY!
EMOTIONS BUBBLE
TO THE SURFACE
RAPIDLY OVERTAKING ME
RAGE BUBBLES
ANGER SEAPS THROUGH
THERE’S A STORM
ITS BREWING
ME, I FEEL
LIKE A PRESSURE COOKER!
READY TO EXPLODE AT ANY SECOND
A STORM…
YES A STORM…
ITS BREWING!
SOMEONE SAVE ME
SAVE ME FROM MYSELF
AND THESE INTENSE FEELINGS
THAT THREATNEN
TO SEND ME SPIRALING!
SPIRALING INTO THE ABYSS

LIZ

https://thebeewritesdownloads.wordpress.com/2018/12/03/stormy-mondayprompt-for-week-1009-16092012/