Lunch time post

A quick post. I’m sitting here, coffee in hand. Just had a bite to eat, quickly, in between appointments. Just had a very hard morning. College was tough today. We were discussing a lot about the brain, emotions, CBT, and anxiety. It was a lot to take in.

My brain is just a little bit fried, lol.

Tiredness is also playing a part. I am completely exhausted but running on auto pilot. I know what is going to happen. I am going to get overtired, and then later tonight when I want to sleep I wont be able to.

I need to run soon. I have an apt with dr. barry at 3. Need to talk to her about our emotional state. How overwhelmed we’ve been lately. About the darks and therapy and contacting abusers. About the loss of some of our clients recently, she doesn’t know about the recent losses of our friendly call clients, she only knows of one of them.

Its going to be a busy apt I think. I am really looking forward to getting her perspective on things.

Now I will sit here and slowly drink my coffee and breathe.

I can do this, I can, I can!

Busy day ahead!

i’ve got a really busy day ahead!

first I’ve got to go to college. Spend all morning there.

come home, have a quick lunch, then go see dr. barry. Hopefully I wont be waiting for hours to see her like I was last time I went there.

then come home from that appointment, have something to eat and then go to slimming world this evening. So its gonna be a super busy day with little down time!

And to top it all off, I’ve had no sleep tonight.

I’m exhausted, but its onwards and upwards for me!
I hope I will be able to stay awake in class!
carol anne


Do you want to build a snowman?

Well, all my plans that I had today are not going to happen at all.

Weather here is too bad to go out in today.

Snow, and ice, everywhere. Its a winter wonderland outside!

I did get up at 6:30 this morning, thinking I’d be ok, and could go to college. I rang my taxi and booked it. Then I started listening to the radio. And they said the area where my parents live is impassible. So I rang back and canceled my ride.

I might be able to get to dr. barry but I am not sure she’s actually coming in. She lives in the country and so she may not be able to get in at all today. My apt isn’t until the afternoon. I will ring later but I’m taking it for now that I wont see her today.

And I wont be going to slimming world either tonight. Its going to snow heavily again tonight. I don’t think I’ll be able to get a taxi. My parents live somewhere where there is a lot of hills, so a taxi wont get up the hills.

So its a snow day!

I’m going to stay home and enjoy my day of rest!

Even my niece and nephew are off school today. Their school stayed closed until 10:30 but my sister said she’s not driving in that weather. She’s too nervous. So she’s keeping them off school today.

Do you want to build a snowman, anyone?

#JusJoJan prompt January 2nd 2019 I love you, Dr. Barry!

Another prompt for today Jan 2nd, from Linda G Hill. today is also one liner wednesday so, merge the two!

Here are the general rules to follow for Just Jot it January:

1. Just Jot It January starts January 1st, but its never too late to join in! Here, we run on the honour system; the jot it part of JusJoJan means that anything you jot down, anywhere (it doesnt have to be a post, it can even be a grocery list) counts as a Jot. If it makes it to your blog that day, great! If it waits a week to get from a sticky note to your screen, no problem!

2. Ill post the daily prompts at 2am my time (GMT -5), every day except for Saturdays Stream of Consciousness (SoCS) promptyoull find that one on Friday morning at 9:30am. That daily post (i.e. this one) will be where you leave your link for others to find in the comment section. There will be a prompt for every day except Wednesday, when the prompt is simply my One-Liner Wednesday.

2a. Since today is Wednesday, I challenge you to make your JusJoJan post a one-liner. If you dont care to, or if youve already written your post, no problem. Remember, with One-Liner Wednesday you can write anything its only a prompt to write one line, not necessarily to keep to the same theme as mine. The rules that Ive made for myself (but dont always follow) for One-Liner Wednesday are:

(i) Make it one sentence.

(ii) Make it either funny or inspirational.

(iii) Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

(iv) Enjoy yourself!

(v) Use our One-Liner Wednesday badge.

#1linerWeds badge by Cheryl, at

3. As long as your blog is on WordPress, youll be able to link via pingback. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL from the daily prompt post, and paste it anywhere in your post. Check to make sure your link shows up where you want it to, and go back occasionally to see other bloggers entries the more you visit others, the more theyll visit you! If youre participating from another blogging host, just drop a link into the comment section. Note: The newest pingbacks and comments will appear at the top.

4. Tag your post JusJoJan and/or #JusJoJan.

5. Write anything! Any length will do! It can even be a photo or a drawing youre going to title it, right? Theres your jot!

6. The prompts are here both to remind you and to inspire you to write. However, you dont have to use the prompt word of the day. You can link any kind of jot back here. Note: If its 18+ content, please say so in a comment with your link or close to your pingback.

7. If youd like to, use the JusJoJan badge so that others can find your post more easily.

8. Have fun!

So today, I’m mostly sticking to one liner wed! And my one line for today comes from no other than my amazing and wonderful psychiatrist, Dr. Barry!

She said, after I asked her how she felt about our 5 years of working together…

“Heres to another five! Happy new year!”

It shows her dedication to us! Love you, Dr. Barry, your one in a million!

❤ 😀


First apt of 2019 with dr. barry

I’m just home after seeing Dr. barry. We had a really great apt.

We talked about my sleep. I told her Eileen and me decided that we’d try to work on the sleep issues in the new year. I am planning on going in to therapy on Monday and hopefully working some on that. Dr. Barry thought that would be good. She advised me to keep taking the fenergan and not to go more than 3 days consecutively without getting some sleep. She said it wasnt good to try to function on little to no sleep. So tonight I am going to take one of the tablets. And hope tomorrow morning I wont be too groggy to function. I dont have to be anywhere tomorrow anyway, so if I am a little groggy or non functional then thats ok.

We talked about Remy sending over some paperwork to Eileen. Remy is the did specialist who diagnosed us. He also came over last november to do a review. He said back then that each year he wants to redo the psychometric tests to see what progress we’ve mad and see how we’re doing. Eileen told me before christmas that he’d been in touch. She said once the new year comes we’ll work on filling out the test sheets and getting them back to him. I was just basically filling Dr. barry in on that today. She said she thinks its worthwhile to do the psychometric testing, for me to see how far I’ve come, as I told her today, I dont see the progress, to me, its like going two steps forward and then one step back again. She said I cant see the progress I’m making because I am right there in the middle of it. So this will hopefully help me to see the work I am doing in a more objective light.

We talked about our time of working together. I’ve been working with Dr. barry for 5 years now. Since november of 2013. So we’re going into our sixth year of working together. I cannot believe that. I’ve never worked with a doctor for such a long time. I did also find out from her that she only started working as a consultant in my catchment area in may of 2013, and then we started working with her in november of 2013. So basically, I’ve almost been working with her for the entire length of time she’s been a consultant. Thats pretty damn cool I think.

She asked me if I’d processed what happened to my client, you remember one of my clients from friendly call killed himself? I told her that I hadnt really processed it. We talked about my work that I did over christmas. I told her I’d worked from home. She said she wouldnt advise me to do that too often. I said I didnt have a choice, but normally I’d never do that. She said its important for me to keep my work at work, and my home life separate from my work life. I already know that, but it helped to talk it through with her. It helped me when she validated my feelings about work and about keeping work separate from home life.

I arranged to see her again in two weeks. My next apt will be in the afternoon, since I start college next week. It works out well since I finish college at 12:30, then I can go to moms and have some lunch before going to see dr. barry.

I told her I’m due to have a phone check in with Eileen today. She asked me about the break, how I did with it. I told her it was tough. We found it tough and very difficult to go 3 weeks without seeing Eileen. I told her I’m glad we’ll have a check in call today.

It was a good apt and when I got done she walked me to the front entrance, so I could wait for a taxi to pick me up. Its so nice of her to do that. She doesnt have to do that. Most doctors wouldnt do it. So I’m very grateful that she is so kind and wants to help me out. And I appreciate that she does that for me.


Dr. Barry tomorrow yay!

I’m seeing dr barry tomorrow morning! I am so excited!

I cant wait to see her! It feels like a long time since we did! Really its only been two weeks though!

But it just feels longer is all. I have a lot to talk about with her. Have to talk about christmas and how we managed that. Which I think we did pretty good! All things considered!

I’m glad its all over now though. Really glad of that.

It will be good to get dr. barrys perspective on how it went. I wonder what she’ll think when I tell her about it. Probably she’ll say we coped really well!

I’m so glad we get to see her tomorrow. Feels nice, seeing our safe person again.


Dr. Barry apt. End of year reflections

Today was our last apt with dr. barry for 2018. It was a very full apt. I had a lot to discuss with her. I had to tell her a few things. Mainly about the fact that we’d made our statement to the police about the car crash we were in last October. Also that we’d had our medical for the injury board. We talked through all this. She said we seemed to be dealing with things well. I agreed that yes we are. I told her making the statement wasn’t actually that bad. My mom and sister both came in with us and the guard who took the statements was the one who had been originally on the scene the afternoon of the accident so he knew what had happened. He sorta helped us with the statements. She said that was good of him. We talked about our sleep, I told her its non existent. We’re basically just trying to sleep where we can, trying to get whatever small amount of sleep we can get. She gave me another prescription for more fenergan. She told me to please take it over Christmas, not to go for nights on end with no sleep. I agreed I would. I hate taking it because it makes me groggy in the mornings but I will take it over Christmas time if I have too. I will be doing less stuff over the Christmas period anyway so being groggy in the mornings wont really be an issue. I am only groggy if I take 50 MG of it so maybe the answer is to just stick to 25 mg of it. We talked about the loss of my client in friendly call to suicide. She was very understanding. I told her I keep replayihng our last conversation in my head. Wondering why I didn’t see the signs. Why I never saw it coming. She said sometimes you don’t. I told her that I thought since I dealt with similar issues that I should be more able to spot the signs. She said no. That sometimes there just is no signs. That I shouldn’t beat myself up about it. Easier said than done though. I keep going through all the what ifs in my head. What if we’d done this or that or what if we could have prevented it. I do realise we couldn’t though and that’s the hard part. We talked about thearpy and our last end of year therapy session. I told her now we’re on break for a few weeks. I was telling her how when I had found out about my client how good Eileen had been to me, checking in with me and getting me through it. We talked about the mix up around my appointments. She apologised for the fact that I’d had to deal with a totally new receptionist. Since they’ve moved, there are some new staff that have come on bord, who don’t know the way things work. I said it was ok. The fact is I’d gotten here and gotten in to see her before Christmas which is what I was hoping would happen. And of course she told me about dr. Lawler. Which I am deeply saddened about. She said he was going to be really missed by so so many people. I can see why. He was an incredible doctor, an incredibly kind caring man. Only 49 years old. Its just an awful loss to his family, a terrible loss. We also talked about us starting college. We’re going to be changing our apts to the afternoon in the new year. So that was the gyst of it. Another year of seeing dr. barry done and dusted. In 2019 it will be our sixth year of working together. I don’t know where I’d be without her. She’s such an incredibly understanding, kind, caring, compassionate person and doctor. She really gets up. She always validates us and our experiences and our diagnosis. I am blessed to have her as my treating psychiatrist. I am just so lucky and I realise that every single day.