IM PISSED, SO HERE GOES, YOU’VE BEEN WARNED, THIS IS NOT A NICE POST!
IM HELLA PISSY CUZ THE NURSE SARAH THE COMMUNITY PSYCH NURSE SHE WAS MEANT TO CALL US! WHEN DR. BARRY WAS OFF THIS WEEK SHE WAS MEANT TO CHECK IN WITH US, SHE DIDNT! AND IM FUCKING MAD AS HELL ABOUT IT! ITS NOT RIGHT! DR. BARRY PUT IN A REFERRAL! SHE DIDNT EVEN BOTHER TO CALL! AND WE HAD NO NUMBER FOR HER SO WE COULDNT CALL HER OURSELVES! DAMN HER ANYWAY! DAMN DAMN DAMN HER!
WHAT KINDA SHIT IS THAT ANYWAY? WHO DOES THAT? DR. BARRY SPECIFICALLY TOLD ME SHE PUT IN A REFERRAL! SH E TOLD ME SARAH WOULD CALL US! AND SHE DIDNT! SHE BLOODY WELL GOT IT SO WRONG! AND NOW THE WEEKS OVER!
THANK GOD WE SEE EILEEN ON MONDAY! THANK FUCKING GOD!
Another great day. So much to be thankful for.
1 My mom for cleaning up nitros vomit
2 my friends for all of the support they give me
3 A long hot shower to destress
4 My slimming world consultant
5 Blogging! it helps me to pour it all out on to my blog.
6 Good food! 😀
7 Music! I love my music!
8 My wonderful psychiatrist! She’s just amazing!
9 Nice weather!
10 My bed! and sleep 😀
just had our final apt with dr. barry for 3 weeks. she is away for 2 of them, and once she’s back it will be another week before we see her, we dont see her now again until the 29th.
this morning she had a student doctor with her, a male doctor, we usually dont allow them to come in to our sessions, but today I said it would be ok if he stayed. He seemed like a nice guy. And he has to learn too I suppose.
We talked about Eileen being away, she asked me how I am coping. I told her some of the things we’ve done to cope, like journalling, seeing friends, reading, etc. I also told her about Eileen recording a book for the kids, giving them a transitional object to keep for her while she’s gone, etc.
we talked about my volunteering, I told her about the incident yesterday where I had a suicidal caller on the phone, I was telling her that had really effected me, she asked me if I had support for when I get calls like that, so I told her I do, she seemed fine then once I told her I had enough support around that. I think she’s just concerned for me, concerned in case my own mental health takes a nose dive. I think its very sweet of her to be so concerned.
She went on to tell me that the CPN sarah is back from her holidays now, and that she’d put in a written referral for me to see her next week, she said Sarah would be in touch with me over the next few days and that we could meet or whatever I feel comfortable doing. I was feeling a little bit sad, because I hate when Dr. barry is gone, it brings up all sort of attachment pain, and 3 weeks is a long time, especially when I see her so often. She told me that it will go by fast, and to hold on to all of the resources I have, that I have a lot, and it will be ok, I will cope.
I want to believe her, I really do, so I will do everything I can to stay safe, and stay strong.
On the way up to the desk to make the next appointment, she asked me about my weight loss, as she forgot to ask while we were in the appointment. I was telling her how much I’m down now, and then she started to admire my top, saying I look really good, I am looking really well and that my top was beautiful on me. She’s sooo sweet. I love her and I felt so good when she said I looked nice.
I’m hopeful I can get through the next few weeks without too many issues, and before I know it she’ll be back and we’ll be seeing her again.
so I haven’t updated on how taking my meds has been going in a while. Its going relatively well. We still do forget them occasionally, but more often than not we’re taking them and doing it correctly. I guess that’s progress. Its hard, dissociation makes it hard to always remember them. We really have to work hard to actually remember. We tried delegating the job of taking them to lottie, but that didn’t really work out, as Lottie wasn’t out enough to keep track properly. She still does like to have the job of being in charge of them though. Like of making sure no one is stockpiling them or making sure that the right amount of pills are out for each day. She did take them too for a while but like I said shes not out enough to do it every day. So the task has fallen to me, of Jade, or Amy. That’s ok though. Between us 3 we’re managing. I’ve had no side effects either from going back on all of our meds. That pleases me. I hate side effects. The only meds we aren’t back on fully now are lyrica and Prozac. We’re back taking everything else properly. I think over the next month of two we’ll probably go back on the rest of the meds. Probably after dr. barrys vacation she’ll start us back on them. I’m happy I can report that things seem to be going fine. Its a huge relief to me.
Thankful for the following…
That monday is over
for a good therapy session and an awesome therapist
for an amazing and very caring psychiatrist
for my mom
for a clean house
for coffee, and tea
for the nice weather
for my friends
and for my current book
we had an apt with dr. barry today as well. she had to see us today as she was doing something on wednesday that prevented her from seeing us then.
it was good to see her. i had a long wait before going in though which wasnt so good. but i got through it and it was all worth it in the end when i saw her.
we talked about therapy and i told her what we’d been doing today. she thought what we’d been doing was great. i was telling her about the insider who came out and was all confused and disorientated. i told her she couldnt answer any of eileens questions, all she kept saying was I dont know. dr. barry said maybe it would be good to try to figure out why she actually came out, like what brought her out. eileen though similarly. so i think we need to do that.
we talked about meds. dr. barry asked me if I am sure that none of our meds are being stockpiled or stored up. if they are being taken right. i said yes i am pretty sure they are.
then we started talking about her holiday which will be coming up soon. in a couple of weeks. dr. barry goes on holiday on august 13th until the 27th. there is one week where herself and eileens vacatins overlap. we were trying to brainstorm today to see what we could come up with for some extra support for us during that time.
at first dr. barry asked if I wanted to see one of the doctors on her team while she was away. I quickly said no to that. there are 3 male doctors on the team, 2 on the team and one locum covering while she’s on holiday. she knows i dont really like seeing male doctors so she didnt push it.
instead she said she’d ask sarah the community psychiatric nurse to check in with me that week the week that both her and eileen are away. i wasnt expecting her to do that. so it was nice that she offered and said she would. she said she’d tell her and also write her a note just in case she forgot to mention it to her. sarah is currently on holiday so she couldnt just tell her today.
it will be good that we’ll have someone to talk to while they are both on holiday. im so happy about that. i know sarah too which helps. we’ve seen her for a couple of sessions last year so she knows us and we know her.
dr. barry is a gem to put this in place for us. i really appreciate that she did that for us.
other than that the rest of the appointment was pretty much uneventful. we’ll see her again in two weeks, and the next time will be the last time before her two week vacation. however, i’m confident now that we’ll be ok and we’ll get through the vacation without any issues.
so eileen will be going on vacation in two weeks time. for two weeks.
we’re trying to prepare ourselves. we had a chat about it in our session today. we talked about how the kids are triggered, not just because she is going away and we wont see her for two weeks, and thats a long time for them, but also because it triggers them back to a time when they felt abandoned and like everyone leaves them.
She got it and understood. She said she’d help us make a calendar again like we did last year. A calendar to count off the days.
She also said we should look at the weeks she’s away and schedule some fun activities in for those weeks. We are going to try to do that.
Dr. barry is also on vacation for one of the weeks so her vacation and eileens overlap for a week. That part is hard as both of our support systems are away. but we’ll manage, we’ll get through. I know we can.
I’m nervous and apprehensive. But I always am when vacation rolls around. I anticipate things being awful for us but maybe they wont be. If we prepare then maybe they’ll be ok. I’m kinda counting on it.