I went in to class but man I didnt want to go! I would have prefered to stay in bed. Its very wet outside. I got soaked. I only stayed for half of the class. I left at 11. The class today was about telling your story and that was interesting. We got to watch a video about a woman who was diagnosed as a schizophrenic at age 17 and the doctors told her she’d never recover and she’d be institutionalised and on meds for life. she didnt listen and she went on to get her doctorate and become a doctor of psychology. It was a great story. Her name is patricia deagan. not sure of spelling but look up voices in recovery on youtube to hear her its fascinating and a great message.
Alex, evolution of self, has very kindly offered to guest post on my blog! He has written a personal narrative about his childhood experiences growing up with abusive parents! Here is his story!
Alex you’ve been very courageous in telling it!
I am so glad you survived and are a fighter!
I would like to start by introducing myself
Hi I am Alex
Many have grown up with mesmerizing moments from their childhood had two loving parents”
I was not one of those: starting from the aged of 9 until I was 16, I was subjected to horrific physical brutality from my biological mother whom we will refer to “it”
its level of hatred was cast onto me because of how much I reminded it of my Father. When my Father was home I never had a need to fear or think I was walking on shattered glass.
I also understood what he was doing was rid of the world of Nemesis so when he would leave on an assignment I been asked why I didn’t tell my Father? and I was told by “it” if I did she would inform his C.O that he was doing things to me” and in the Armed Forces that is a Death sentence. I would be left in clutches of Mommy dearest and its twisted sadistic desires and pleasures. Many times it would be an unbearable and fucking nightmare a lot where I endured was in what I called the “Basement of Secrets” I would be forcefully confined to a chair and whipped for hours with black licorice. There were times I wouldn’t be allowed to go to school because I would be healing from the beatings and welts. At a very young age, I learned and embrace the darkness as my numbing solace and was welcomed with open arms.
I had a mate of mine who’s alcoholic Father was abusing him physically I gave him pat on the back and he yelled ouch. had a massive bruise on his lower back…so I thought if they believe him why not me?
So I reached out with desperation to be resurrected from that living hell and was laughed and mocked at because what I was telling them was so surreal.
Many mornings I would wake up having knives throwing at my feet or cans frozen juice whipped at me to see my reflexes.
That night I strongly believe and cringed in paralyzing fear that I would not see the Sunrise again. After being crushed and losing all hope that others would help me. I knew if I was going to survive this fucking living Hell it would be because of (ME)
Ironic thing and fucked up one is the person who was sexually abusing me saw me more as a human being …I guess I choose the lesser of two evils.
So THEM that tried to break me, ripped me into never was ‘thought they could extinguish my Life
Though fucking wrong yes you laid waste and wreak havoc all over my body and mind with scars even though I still breathe I have been shattered into pieces.
I was always taught by my Father that no matter what keep going but last December before Christmas I was not myself I would put on a smile and act like I was fine but far far from it.
Never in million yrs did I think what was going on with me would this. I also didn’t know there was a more voracious and vicious bastard to PTSD but I do know now” I live with it every day as a constant reminder by Roller Coaster I ride.
Thank you for listening to My Story if you know anyone that is struggling never let them think they are lashing out in silent terror.
Yaaaay! I’m done!
I got my assignment finished!
I got up early, at 6:30 and tackled it!
Now I’m done with it, and I feel elated!
So, so happy, think its time to do a happy dance! Anyone care to join in?
Now I can enjoy my week free from college work! For a little while at least!
This week in class this coming wednesday, we’ll be given our last assignment!
We finish in 5 weeks time!
Just in time for christmas!
Its wonderful to have this one finished now!
When your in the midst of it, you think you’ll never get there, but I always do!
Yay! Thanks everyone for all of the encouragement!
You’ve really helped me and inspired me!
c I’m so sick. I can hardly move. My body aches. My head is pounding and my nose is running like a tap.
I went to bed at 7 Pm last night and I didnt surface again until 9 AM this morning. Thats totally not like me. I’ve been feeling so sorry for myself all morning.
I’m taking some over the counter meds for it. I’m also trying to keep as warm as I can.
Right now though I just feel awful! And I want this to go away and fast!
Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is -tast-. Find a word that contains tast and use it in your post. Enjoy!
I’m wide awake at 3 AM. I didnt sleep well. Probably because I had a nap in the afternoon yesterday. Well I was not doing anything else, and I hadnt slept well the night before either. So a nap it was.
I got 3 hours of sleep in the afternoon yesterday, and tonight I went to bed at around 10:30 and slept until just after 2 AM.
I doubt I’ll sleep any more now. So what did I go do? I went to my trusted coffee. I made a brew. A cup of smooth coffee. Yum! It tastes delicious! I love how this particular coffee tastes! Its expensive, a jar of it cost me 10 euro but its worth it.
Its pouring down outside. Its so sootheing to listen to the rain. I love it.
I have therapy in a few hours. We’re looking forward to going. We have to tell her we booked our trip to colorado to see Sarah. And we also have to talk about other stuff, allie is going to have some time, as will liz.
Then I am working this afternoon on friendly call. My supervisor is off today so I hope there arent any problems. If there are I suppose I could ring her or just wait until she’s back in the office tomorrow because I work tomorrow also. I wont be on my own so if anything does come up I’m sure I can ask someone else’s opinion about what to do.
Well off to drink this coffee! ❤
I was just wondering something. I watch a lot of true crime shows. I was watching one last night before bed, I know, not a good idea to do that, but I was ok, it was a little triggery but I wasnt too triggered and I was able to sleep after watching it. It was britains darkest taboos, I was catching up on some episodes that I missed.
What I am wondering is, do you watch true crime shows, and, if you do, do they trigger you or make you think that it might happen to you? If you live alone does it bother you?
I do love those type of shows. I am not sure why. I am thinking because I experienced a lot of times in my life when I thought I might not survive, that it seems more real to me. And so thats why I watch them. they are true to life and that resonates more with me.
So what about you? How do you feel about true crime shows?
Had a great day. College went well. I am wrecked now though. Going to just relax for the rest of the evening.
Might read, might not. Need to catch up on some blog reading as well.
So happy to have booked my flights to america. I can make plans now. I am super excited. So are the kids. They’ve been jumping around all day, and are full of beans, very very excited.
I am so happy for them. I love seeing their little faces light up because they know we’re going on a trip next summer. Now its whose going to be the one to tell eileen, thats what they are all arguing about right now.
I hope everyone had a good saturday. It rained here for most of the day, the sun is out now but it only came out about an hour ago.