so i saw dr. barry this morning. it went well. we talked about meds. she decided to increase my epilem, which is mainly for my seizures but I also use it for my mood. she said she would write an explicit letter to my gp, because since she is not my primary prescriber of that med she wasnt really comfortable reintroducing it. she did, but she doesnt feel to comfortable doing it. i told her my gp hadnt even rang me, he’d just given me the prescription that dr. barry wrote out. so she’s going to explicitly ask him to review me. she put me up to 800 mg a day of epilem. i was taking 400 at night. she also reintroduced my metformin for my diabetes. and the prazosin also at 3 mg at night. she said she’d leave the rest for now. and i’ll be going back to see her in two weeks for my usual apt. she said there was some new paperwork and guidelines now about the epilem. apparently it causes some foetal syndrome and it is not meant to be prescribed for women of child bearing age. i dont really have to worry about it since my ovaries are gone, and I have no chance of becoming pregnant. but she had to tell me anyway, she said that they dont use it for bipolar hardly now, and she only had one patient whose on it for their mood. since mine is primarily prescribed for epilepsy and only used for mood as a secondary med it doesnt really matter, but she still had to tell me. we talked a little around my surgery to remove my ovaries, she wasnt aware I had had both ovaries removed. she apologised about bringing that up since she knows its a topic i dont like talking about since it involves my not being able to have kids. we talked a little about sleep, I told her my sleep is not great lately, that i am getting around 3 to 4 hours a night if I am lucky. she said hopefully the prazosin will help that. we talked about therapy and i told her eileen is pulling back on working on trauma stuff for right now, that we’re going to work on managing overwhelm and managing feelings. we talked about the social worker mary, mary had spoken to dr. barry at their team meeting, she’d told her we’d met and what she’d been helping me with. so then we talked a little bit about the funding I applied for and that was an interesting conversation. i told her I’d asked mary to help me apply for more PA hours. it was a good apt. I forgot that I was due my depo injection today so didnt bring it with me. so now next tuesday I have to go to the clinic so the nurse who gives the depos can give me my shot.
its morning already? I cant believe it!
I didnt want to get up! I was having a nice dream! And then my alarm woke me!
Ug! I got up at 6:45, stupid o’clock! I’m leaving in 20 minutes to go to the hospital for my two apts.
First I will see Mark my OT. Then dr. barry. I hope it wont be too busy up there. Well I’ll be first there, so I shouldnt have too much of a wait!
Ok better run and take my morning meds now. Will write about both apts when I get home!
my friend norma came over to visit me. it was nice, we had a good time hanging out. she wanted me to put a new book onto her phone. now that I’ve thought her how to use her phone to read audible books she’s flying it and is reading a lot. So I put the new maggie hartley book onto her phone. She stayed for about an hour and a half. i was glad she didnt stay longer as i am a little bit tired, and am planning on having an early night. i plan on reading in bed. i have an early start tomorrow morning. i am meeting dr. barry and my OT mark both appointments are in the morning. i have to be at the hospital for 8 AM. so an early night for me and I hope I will sleep. I told norma that if she reads the book before the weekend that when I come over to train her on saturday I’ll put another longer book on her phone then. she was happy with that and said she’d probably finish it before the weekend. ok time for a coffee now then call my mom for a chat.
goals for tuesday…
eat 3 healthy meals
exercise for 30 minutes
hang out with my friend
read a couple chapters of my book
ring housing maintanence about fixing my shower
prepare for my dr. barry apt
I woke up with a thumping headache. Felt like crapola.
So never went to see dr. barry. Rang her secretary and am waiting for her to call me back with a new apt hoping it will be for next week.
Went back to bed for the morning. Fell into a deep sleep and dreamt of dr. barry and my social worker mary. Cant really remember the dream now though. Just know I was dreaming of them.
I woke up at 12:45, its roasting hot outside, I called mom, she’s coming over in about half an hour. She said she’ll cut my grass while the weather is good.
I’m just going to chill for the afternoon, i have slimming world tonight. My PA will take me there.
A week has gone by since I restarted my meds. I restarted depokate and keppra. They are my seizure meds, but the depokate is also for my mood. I had to start at a lower dose of that one. I was taking 1500 mg of it. When I restarted it I restarted it at 400 mg at night. I go back to see dr. barry tomorrow. She wanted to see us back after being back on the meds for a week. So far we’ve been doing good about remembering to take them. And we’ve had no unwanted side effects from them either which is nice. I’m happy with how its going. I doubt she will restart our other meds back up tomorrow, I think she’ll want to wait a couple more weeks before doing that.
Nice its going so well though. Thats how I like it.
dr. barry said today that she wants us to come in next week, instead of in two weeks time. normally our apts are two weeks apart. they have been that way for a while. we used to go weekly. and after christmas we decided to try going bi weekly. its working ok, or i thought it was. but now i’m not so sure. i know our attachment issues kicked up a notch. we still feel insecure when she’s on vacation. or if we dont see her every two weeks. and with the recent suicidal stuff, i’m starting to wonder, if insiders wanted to do stuff to try to get her to see us more often again. today when she said that under the circumstances we should come back next week people were secretly happy. im not going to name names here but there were a good number of insiders who breathed a sigh of relief when she said that. so that makes me wonder? are we really ok seeing her less often? i dont think we are. i think its something we need to talk about with her. she cant really do anything about it, because she isnt able to sustain seeing us weekly, her clinic is too busy, she has a lot of patients. and we are the only one she sees regularly, all of her other patients are lucky to see her once a year, they have to deal with junior doctors, not us though, we always see dr. barry. that was recommended in our report when we were diagnosed with did. i knew our attachment issues were strong on this matter but i didnt think it was this bad. or maybe i did and i just ignored it. i’m starting to think there is a lot that i didnt know about the system. a lot i’m not so aware of. and i’m also learning that some of the older insiders, like willow, like liz, like wendy, insiders who i thought would never attach to either eileen or dr. barry are starting to really attach, and they feel abandoned, left alone, insecure when they dont see them for a while. i know thats not a bad thing. its just really really surprising. im going to make this issue a priority in therapy too. we need to discuss this going forward.