Blog share!

I was contacted and asked to share this blog so I am sharing it here today. The blogger writes the following about their site.
It’s a personal and honest site, using my experience to describe my coping techniques and trigger awareness methods. It’s not just about helping people now, it’s about saving them.


The book pimped

I’m reading a fantastic book at the moment, it’s called pimped and it’s by Samantha Owens. It’s a really really good read and I would highly recommend it.

It’s a non-fiction book, a memoir, a true life story.

The thing is this poor teenager had to go through our shocking, really shocking. But they are all to relate able to me some of them at least especially the sexual abuse. Since I was abused not in the same way but in a similar way. I mean I wasn’t pimped out to men, it wasn’t that sort of abuse, but I was raped and so I can relate to what she went through in that way.

If you’re not easily triggered, and you enjoy true stories, I would highly recommend this book to you.

It’s available on audible and probably in kindle format as well.

Last nights phone therapy check in

Our phone therapy session last night was good. It was so nice to connect with Eileen.
We talked about putting Allie’s memories in a container. She went through the exercise with us on the phone. Allie didnt talk to her, but she was close by and she was able to hear what Eileen was doing and saying which was good. She felt comforted. She immediately calmed down on hearing Eileens voice. Its like it immediately soothed her.
We talked for about 15 minutes. It felt so good. Eileen encouraged us to do some self care last night, wind down early and have an early night. Which is exactly what we did.
It was a good session. And we did manage to shelve the memories and last night they didnt plague us which was nice.
We decided to shelve them, and leave them in Eileens office. We put them in a huge container and eileen said we can leave them in her office, which feels safer to us.
This morning I feel good. I woke up feeling awesome. I woke at 5 AM feeling so refreshed, we’re doing well and it feels amazing.
I need to send Eileen an email with an update. I will do that after I finish this post.


What I’ve noticed

I noticed something today. When we sleep during the day, we get much better quality of sleep. We dont do well by night. Nights are super hard for us. Night time is a huge trigger. It is when the worst stuff happened to us. So sleeping during night time is super hard for us. But when we nap during the day, we feel safer. I think that napping during the day is ok, if we are able to, and if we have nothing on. I’m going to try to do that more. If it means sleep is better for us then, thats good. I’ll take that. It beats being triggered at night. Having littles out who are upset and very fearful. That always happens for us during the night. Actually, the kids are way more active at night, I’ve noticed that also. Its a pattern. I think they’re drawn out at night due to their triggers and fears. I need to discuss this with Eileen today. I think I’ll talk to her this morning about it. See what her thoughts are on it.


She’s leaving me

Hihihihii everyone
im so sad tonight. I wish Eileen doesn’t have to go to that conference in july. I feel like shes abandoning us. is that stupid? I feel so stupid. I want her to learn, but I just want her to also be here, not to leave us. it feels like she’s going to be gone for a long time, even though its only for a week.
I’ve been crying a lot tonight. I cant cope. I feel so sad. so upset and I want to tell her but I am scared. I am scared she’ll be mad at me. she probably wont, but the feelings wont go away. I feel like its super hard to just email her and tell her how I am feeling.
she’s said we’ll have another session on another day. that even if she’s not there on our Monday for our usual time, she’ll make time for us on another day in that week. so why am I making such a huge deal of this?
I don’t know. I just feel triggered. it feels like she’s leaving us. I don’t know why it feels so awful. I just feel so bad. I cant put words to it. my words are lost. gone. I cant find them.
do you think I should try to email Eileen? tell her how I am feeling?
I am just so nervous about doing that. not sure why. she’s never gotten mad at me, and actually, I think she’d be glad if I did email her.
I guess I just feel sad and I need support tonight. if anyones around, I can use a friend.
butterfly hugs,

Feeling overwhelmed

Eyes fill
Tears spill
Onto my blanket
Feel Nitro there
Call him near
Pat him, as I feel the fear
Fear builds
My insides feel like lead
I have a pain in my head
Wrap up warm
I can survive this storm
Tomorrow, things will be normal again

Just wrote this as I am feeling incredibly sad and alone and my body is tense, I feel full of fear and trepidation, I’m starting to have flashbacks again, so I’m snuggling nitro and drinking a coffee and trying to watch a little tv.

Another therapy break

So we have another break in therapy. We don’t see Eileen again for two weeks.

She’s off next week. She’s on a weeks training for the body psychotherapy course she’s currently doing.

I’m trying not to worry too much about it. But I hate therapy breaks so much. We just about managed the easter break. We didn’t really prepare for this one.

A week isn’t too long, that’s what I keep telling myself. We can get through it. We can email her if we need to. She’ll read them when she’s able to.

And she’s not going until Saturday, so she’s around for the rest of this week, and funnily enough, just knowing that helps.

The kids are already crying, and upset. I am too if I am honest.

I really didn’t want this but well it is what it is. Its happening whether I want it or not.

Liz hit the nail on the head today though, when she said that therapy breaks are awful because, your just getting into stuff and then there is a break, and when its all over its hard to pick back up again where we were. Hard to get back into it again.

I feel that way too. Also I miss Eileen so, so much when she’s gone!

Missing her, that is the worst thing. It feels so huge. And we usually feel awful. We spend some days feeling like we just want her, to be with her, to hug her, to talk to her.

I just hope we get through this break without too much fuss, without being overwhelmed, without longing for her too much.

Heres hoping…