WE ARE IN A MAJOR MENTAL HEALTH CRISIS! I AM IN SO MUCH TURMOIL! I STARTED FREAKING OUT EARLIER, AND I CANT CALM DOWN. I AM SOOO ANXIOUS. I HAVE HAD MEMORIES AND FLASHBACKS GOING ON FOR HOURS NOW. WE’VE BEEN SWITCHING LIKE CRAZY, I’VE JUST COME OUT LONG ENOUGH TO BE ABLE TO SIT DOWN TO WRITE THIS NOW. BEFORE THIS KIDS WERE ALL CRYING AND FREAKING OUT, TRIGGERFEST, WHAT A FUCKING MESS! WE ARE HAVING URGES TO SELF HARM, AND FEELING LIKE WE SHOULD JUST END IT. WE FEEL SO SO UNWELL AND VERY UNSTABLE. THINK I SHOULD TEXT EILEEN BUT DUNNO IF I CAN? AFRAID TO? JUST CAUSE I DONT WANNA BOTHER HER? LIKE CAUSE WE ONLY SAW HER YANNO TODAY? AND MAYBE SHE DOESNT WANT TO BE BOTHERED? I NEED TO PUT MY FEARS ASIDE AND JUST TEXT HER! OMG GUYS I AM IN SUCH A MESS. I’M LITERALLY SHAKING FROM HEAD TO TOE! I CANT EVEN PUT WORDS TO THE MEMORIES. THEY’RE ALL JUMBLED SNIPPETS, NOTHINGS CLEAR. ALL I GET ARE GLIMPSES, BUT WHEN I TRY TO PIECE IT TOGETHER I CANT. MY ANXIETYS THROUGH THE ROOF! I AM SO, SO ANXIOUS. I AM ANCI AND JITTERY, AND CANT SIT STILL FOR MORE THAN 5 MINUTES! HELP SOMEONE HELP ANYONE I NEED SOMEONE! I AM NOT OK!
Don’t panic, at least, try noto.
This too shall pass. We will get through this pandemic. In a safe way, as long as we stay connected.
Connection, that’s what we all need. Someone to talk to, to help us feel ok when we aren’t. When we are panicking.
Stay strong, you will get through this. There will be an end to it.
I know it doesn’t seem that way now but honest we will all be ok, at least, that’s what I keep telling myself.
My advice to you is, have faith, stay strong, don’t panic.
Its allie. for ya’ll who dont know me im 9. im realy sad. and kinda freakin out. i think eileen might be mad at us. but im scared to ask her!
see we was meant to go to therapy on monday, but we had a migraine, and felt overwhelmed, so liz texted eileen to tell her we aint going. she asked eileen if we can reschedule, but eileen said she didnt have another time available, but if she gets a cancelation shed get in touch with us. but i am gessing nobody canceled cuz she never texted us.
but the text she sent us back after liz texted her was real short, and not how she normally writes. so what if shes mad at us?
do ya think i should ask her?
i want to but im so scared of the answer being yes!
As the hot tea reaches my lips
I feel its Warmth
its so comforting
Slowly I sip it
and, it begins to ground me
In the dark of night
I sit here
When will my fear
Be gone, fear!
Be gone I say
But it never listens
Darkness envelopes me
As I sit
Can relate to this song right now! I am In so much inner turmoil, am so triggered, really need a friend.
I never went to therapy this morning. I got too overwhelmed. I tried not to cancel the session, but the anxiety got too much. At 8:30 I texted Eileen, and told her I was cancelling. I asked her if there was any possibility we could reschedule the session for later on in the week. She texted back to say at the moment she doesn’t have an opening but if she gets a cancelation she’ll get back to me.
Then I went back to bed. I didn’t really sleep though. I got maybe half an hour of good rest. The rest of the time I just layed there overthihnking and ruminating.
My friend Norma called me and we chatted, that was a good distraction. Also my friend sarah was texting me, she offered to talk to me but at the time I was too wound up and I couldn’t think straight so I said it was fine, that I’d be ok.
I rang Dr. Barrys office, and my appointment is not going ahead on Wednesday. We might be doing a phone session, the secretary needs to talk to dr. barry to see what she wants to do. So I guess I really should have tried harder to get to my therapy session, since now I don’t have any support from my mental health team for the week. Well, I can email Eileen, or text I guess, but I feel bad doing that when we didn’t have our session.
I’m still feeling very off. This self isolating has me all up in a heap. I feel triggered, really triggered by it. And I heard on the radio this morning that Ireland might actually be definitely going into a lockdown phase, because some people are being so damn stupid, going to beaches, not taking social distancing seriously, being so disrespectful of others who might get sick from their carelessness.
Its ridiculous. I guess its just a waiting game now. But they even closed macdonalds here, and I think that says a lot, most places are now closed down.
Well, I think I’ll go make some lunch, try to get my focus on something other than this damn anxiety monster, I hope it works.