I just found out, my cousin, Alison, she’s 50, and lives in england, and last october she was diagnosed with liver cancer and she just passed away tonight.
I am devastated. She was an incredible person. A kind, caring lovely and wonderful person.
she had had an operation to remove the tumour on her liver, but then she found out after having the surgery that she was terminal, she died in her daughters house, at 8 PM tonight.
Her daughter, jade is 30, and her son jordan, he’s in prison, so he never got to say goodbye. Its so sad for him.
She had two grandkids, both under 7.
I am just devastated for the family. i cant believe it has happened. You really just never know from one day to the next do you? Her mom and dad are both still alive, both of them are in their 70’s.
Life is so cruel. And it can change in an instant.
Please keep them in your thoughts. I will probably be going to the funeral, but that wont be happening for a couple weeks I’d say.
We’ll have to travel to england for it. My mom and sister and me will all probably go.
Heartbroken tonight at hearing this news.
Seldomly she said
Seldomly I cry
Crying shows how weak I am
Crying is theraputic
It is a release
Was crying really ok?
Her friend motioned to her
Just let it go
Crying, everyone should do it!
She sat staring into her coffee mug
Was this really true?
Should she just let go?
It was seldomly that she did
She never wanted to be percieved as weak
but maybe, maybe
she could now, just this once!
I wrote this poem in relationship to how I feel at the moment. I am feeling as if I shouldnt be so weak, I shouldnt cry, I shouldnt let my guard down. I suppose its ok though, right? Its ok not to be ok?
I woke up anxious! God I feel awful! I feel so agitated!
I cant put my finger on why though!
Ug this bloody sucks!
I am going away for the weekend today. In about 3 hours. I want to feel ok for it! I hate that I am so anxious!
My head is pounding. My heart is thumping. My arms are heavy. My breathing hurts. Its shallow and hard to just breathe.
We dreamed weird things last night. I dont actually remember them now but I do remember they were weird. I wish I could remember the dreams. I guess at least they werent nightmares. Thats something at least.
Dinner last night was really good. There were about 25 of us altogether. The food was so good. We had a really great time.
I had italian style meatballs for my main. And buffalo chicken wings for a starter. It was yummy.
I came home and I went to bed to read. I started a new book. The new cathy glass book, finding stevie, I am loving it. Its so good. Its about a boy whose gender fluid and who comes to cathy as a foster placement. Its about his struggles. And what happens to him.
I just wish I could make the anxiety go away. Maybe I’ll go talk to mom. Maybe having a conversation with someone will distract me from it. I hope so. I think I’ll also start thinking about all the fun we’ll have this weekend.
We’re staying in an apartment, there is me, mom, my sis, my sis’s 2 kids, and their cousin and her mom. So it should be fun. I will be updating over the weekend. And posting photos and maybe even some video too.
Its my nieces birthday tomorrow. We’re going shopping for the day. And then at night we’re going for a meal. I am looking forward to all that. I am planning on buying some new clothes.
Well I’m going to go now. If anyone has any advice for me I’d appreciate it. Thanks guys!
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Todays Prompt: Write a piece using the phrase;explicit emotion
her eyes leak
as she sits
shaking like a leaf
it builds and builds
its a tornado
written all over her face
fear, so so much fear
she grips the table
as her head swims
everything begins to blurr
she starts to remember
holding her breath
she starts to cry again
but that fear
the fear of knowing but not wanting to know
what happened to her
is so real
And she thinks
She’s going to die from it.
Shirley, our host wrote this poem, in response to thinking about her childhood and what happened to her during it.
ug i feel awful. i woke up after a nap feeling bla. head hurting. achy. pain and weakness. dizziness too. it is horrible. i drank some water to try to feel better. mom said i might be dehydrated. it helped. but i still feel yuck. and i feel teary and emotional and very overwhelmed too. my mood is still kinda low. i am just not feeling it tonight. i just feel sad, overwhelmed and it feels awful.
A quick post. I’m sitting here, coffee in hand. Just had a bite to eat, quickly, in between appointments. Just had a very hard morning. College was tough today. We were discussing a lot about the brain, emotions, CBT, and anxiety. It was a lot to take in.
My brain is just a little bit fried, lol.
Tiredness is also playing a part. I am completely exhausted but running on auto pilot. I know what is going to happen. I am going to get overtired, and then later tonight when I want to sleep I wont be able to.
I need to run soon. I have an apt with dr. barry at 3. Need to talk to her about our emotional state. How overwhelmed we’ve been lately. About the darks and therapy and contacting abusers. About the loss of some of our clients recently, she doesn’t know about the recent losses of our friendly call clients, she only knows of one of them.
Its going to be a busy apt I think. I am really looking forward to getting her perspective on things.
Now I will sit here and slowly drink my coffee and breathe.
I can do this, I can, I can!
as i sit here
what to do
where to go
how to be
sort of overwhelmed
by my emotions
sit, take a breath
wrap myself in a blanket
warm, steaming mug in hand
try to just be
leave my feelings go
leave them at the door
enjoy the moment
this feeling of instability
will pass soon enough