Writing prompt…

When it rains, it pours. Case in point…

That’s how I feel right now about the amount of rain we’re having! I know this is quite a different take on the question posed, but…rain! I mean guys, its almost May! It shouldn’t be raining so hard outside, we actually had a huge storm last night, and now its still pouring down outside! And I gotta go out in it, as I have to go to therapy!

Storms trigger us big time! We were so scared during the night, we didn’t sleep well at all, tossing and turning a lot. There wasn’t any thunder, just rain and high winds. But still we felt really scared, so we brought Nitro on the bed with us and snuggled up to him.

That felt so good. Felt so grounding. Snuggling him always helps!

Writing Prompt #15

Nights suck

I cant sleep. I took my meds hours ago. I thought the prazosin would knock me out. I only take 3 mg of it, but as I said I haven’t been consistently taking it, I just started back taking it tonight. So I really thought that when I did take it I’d be out like a light. No such luck though. I’m still wide awake. I feel agitated, and edgy. My mind is racing. My thoughts are whirling and spinning. I just feel restless. I cannot seem to slow down. It is an awful feeling. I just want to sleep! I know I’ll be exhausted in the morning if I only get an hour or two or three tonight. This morning I woke early…I woke at 6 AM. I got up for an hour, but then at 7 I went back to bed and I slept again until 9 when mom woke me for breakfast. After eating breakfast I went right back to bed for another hour. Last night was pretty similar to tonight in that I couldn’t go to sleep. I was up late, I didn’t go to bed until after 1 AM. Looks like tonight will be similar for me. Well I think I’ll shut the laptop off now and read for a while. I started a new book. Its called asking for it and is by Louise O’neill. She’s an irish writer. The book is supposed to be good. Its about a girl a teenager who got raped and then the fall out from the rape that’s what the story is based on. Its fiction. I don’t normally read fiction but this looks good so I decided to read it. Well good night everyone, I hope you sleep well when you do eventually go to bed.

Its such a struggle

Night time sucks. It really fucking sucks.

I cant sleep. My mind is racing. My thoughts are a jumbled mess.

I’m switching like crazy. We’re really out of sorts tonight. At least my dog is asleep. Nitro is snoring softly, his snores are calming me a little bit.

I really feel awful. I feel so so low. I just want to burst out crying. I wont though. I cant.

I’m too scared that I wont be able to stop when I start. Maybe I should, maybe it’d be good to release the emotion that’s built up.

My day went ok, I mean mostly it was ok. But the anxiety is overwhelming tonight. My parents are both asleep, I’m the only one in the house whose up.

Maybe I can sleep soon. I hope I can.

Depression, and sadness feel so awful, they just totally suck, and I don’t want to feel if this is the way I feel. Its going on for days now, this horrible cycle of emotional overwhelm. I cant stand it.

If anyone is around could use a hug or some support.

Poetry…give up the fight

tears trickle
blurry vision
seaping from her eyes
down her cheeks they cascade
she’s in pain
not physical pain
its all emotional pain
hiding her feelings
she cries into her pillow
hoping nobody will hear her
her sorrow is immense
her overwhelm is palpable
her expression so full of sadness
drained, alone, and so, so tired
she is ready to give up
give up this fight

Ug sigh!

Am in a bit of a func. Not good at all this is not good guys.
I am so disheartened about my weight and being up tonight at weigh in.
Its not the only thing on my mind though. I also am having a lot of body memories and flashbacks.
It totally sucks! I want to sleep but my mind wont switch off. Ug!
Hate this! Why is healing so difficult?

Feeling down

Feel so low right now. It just came on me very suddenly.
Sick of this shit. Want anend to it.
Had a bath to try to calm down. My thoughts and emotions are all over the place.
Hating how I am feeling…if anyone is around could use a little support.

At our parents house

I didnt feel safe at home. I feel so unsafe. So I rang mom. I asked her if I could come over, spend tonight and tomorrow night at their house.
She agreed. So I am here now. I am glad of the company. At least I cant really isolate when I am here.
I booked my taxi to take me to college tomorrow morning. I feel I should make an effort and go. So I booked it and whether I sleep tonight or not I will go.
Its better if I go. It is best if I keep busy. Stay distracted.
My thoughts are a little overwhelming at the moment. So I made some tea. I watched a little tv with my parents. Now I’m in the bedroom where I’ll probably stay for the rest of tonight.

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