staring blankly
she starts to think
starts to tremble
shake uncontrollably
flashes engulf her mind and body
flashes from the past
she begins to cry
silent tears
silent screams
nothing escapes her lips
quivering, shaking
trembling, she pulls her arms tightly around her body
she waits for the tornado to disapate
it does, eventually
as she lies on her bed
she wonders why
and softly cries


dr. barry

saw dr. barry this morning. it went well.
we talked about the depression and low mood.
she said she thinks something is triggering it, perhaps something that happened during the did reassessment.
i said i wasnt sure but maybe that could be it.
i told her that i am managing it for now. i didnt want to go in to the hospital. i want to try to get through it on my own, in the community.
she agreed with me. she said to keep doing the things i am doing that help me cope with it.
i said blogging had really helped me lately. that everyone on my blog had been so supportive. and so helpful with their lovely comments.
we also talked some about therapy and about insiders who havent worked with eileen before now starting to trust her and work with her. she congradulated us on that.
it was a very good appointment. i was happy to get her perspective on things.
carol anne

triggers defused!

well ya’ll will be happy to know, I am no longer feeling triggered. Big sigh!
So thrilled, mostly I managed to defuse it on my own.
I watched tv, and later in the evening I took a hot shower.
I washed with my fave soap and glory shower gel, it smells soooo good!
It grounded me. I felt so much better after the shower.
Nothing like a hot shower to soothe your soul.
I cuddled with nitro, I read the blogs of some of you, I still have a lot to catch up on but I am slowly getting through the posts.
Its almost 1 AM. I doubt I sleep tonight. I think I got way too much sleep this weekend. I slept a lot. Its ok though if I don’t sleep tonight. I wont worry about it.
Tomorrow is an easyish day. I do need to go volunteering though. I’ll get there though. I’ll manage even if I don’t sleep much tonight.
Just happy I defused the triggers on my own.

My afternoon plans changed!

Well, I never went to my friends. It was kind of a bummer as I needed the cheering up.  But when I called her she was going somewhere with her sister.  She did say that we could rearrange it for during the week.  So then when that didn’t happen, I decided to do a little self care after dinner, so I took a nap.  A nap that turned into about 3 hours, lol.  But I feel so good now after it.  I feel refreshed and rejuvenated.  And my mood is much better.  Mentally I am feeling good.  So I guess that’s a win, right?  I’ve eaten really healthily all day.  I’ve had a ton of fruit, I made two fruit salads and I put natural yoghurt on top.  They were delicious.  I didn’t  get any exercise in today.  But that’s ok, I’ll get a ton of it in this week when I’m home.  I’ll go on the treadmill every day, at least that’s the plan anyway.  When I was sleeping I had weird dreams.  Not bad ones, just weird.  Cant even describe them but they were kinda out there, now that I’m awake I can barely remember the details but when I first awoke I could remember them vividly.  Anyway.  Tomorrows a bank holiday here.  Mom is going to come to my house with me for the afternoon.  Hopefully my sis will drop me home when she is on her way to work.  Well that’s about it i guess.  So catch yall soon guys.

carol anne

2 AM

hi everyone
i went right back to bed almost straight after writing and posting the last few posts. It was like 10:30 when I went back to bed and I went right to sleep again. I think I’m coming down with a nasty head cold. I feel very off. My nose is all blocked up and I am just feeling really blah. I woke unable to breathe properly and very triggered. So I have made some tea. I am hopeful that will help. I think I’ll stay up now. Between the nap I took from 7:15 until 9:15, and then again from 10:30 until just now, I think I’ve gotten enough sleep tonight. Thats almost 7 hours worth. That is really more than enough for me to function properly tomorrow. I wonder what gave me this cold? I dont think I’ve been around anyone lately who is sick with a flu or cold. So I dont know why I feel so bad. Well I’ll leave it there for now…Hoping your all having a nice evening?
carol anne


I try to write
posts but I don’t think I always succeed at it.
I try to keep my readers interested in my blog, so they will keep coming back.
who knows if I actually do a good job of it lol. I suppose I try to and that’s all that matters.
and now a little verse for you

emotions captivating
spell binding
leave me breathless
sometimes in a mess
but always very reflective



i wok up frum a nitemare and i am skard
i no like tha dark
i puted on tha radio
i be very shaky
my legs is all wobly
and my head hurts
frum cryin
bad thots in my head too
i no like them
i sad
and skard
and cold
and thirsty
i kno wher ther ar botles of watr
so i go get one
den i go snugle wif nibbles my stufed rabit
lexi i six