We made it through the night in one piece

So we didnt sleep good at all last night. It was after 2:30 AM when I went to bed. However I couldnt settle so I read my book for another 2 hours.

Finally around 4:30 I fell asleep. I only slept until around 9 AM though.

Surprisingly though I am not too tired. I am just glad we made it through last night in one piece. It was a super hard night. Things were just so so overwhelming inside. Lots of feelings, panick, emotions, etc. It was not good.

But its another day now. And we’re ok.

Gosh just saying that…we’re ok, feels so surreal. It feels well it just feels weird to be saying we’re ok, we’re not hurt, we made it.

Thanks to everyone for your continued support. Your all so amazing. We are so grateful for your ongoing support. It means the world to us.

carol anne

Okish afternoon

well I ended up having an okish afternoon. I went to iceland, its a local grocery store, I had to buy some groceries for the month, mainly I had to buy slimming world meals, but I ended up buying other stuff as well. I spent 77 euro there. I wasnt planning on spending that much but oh well. It happened, and its done now.
I am happy with the things I got. My sister took me there. Afterwords she said she’d drop me back to my house with the food, so I could put it all away. That was nice of her. So we did that, and then I came back to mom and dads house.
Now we’ve just eaten dinner. I had a frozen meal for my dinner. I had this one with chicken and vegetables, and noodles in a sweet chili sauce. It was delicious and now I am stuffed.
I feel okish right now. Im sure when it comes to tonight I’ll be feeling bad again, but for now I feel ok, and I’ll take that.
carol anne


emotions float
as if I was on a boat
float around
not making a sound
but feelings come
they make me feel
sorta crazy?
Yes that’s it
an ear splitting scream
comes from inside
as I try
To help the children
Parts of me that are
Scared beyond measure
Scared of everything
Scared of what the emotions bring
Scared to cry
To make a sound?
They just want to be found?
Found and held
Finally to be able to say
What it is
They are holding inside
they want to be

I feel human again

So after breakfast and a shower I now feel human again.

I am still feeling overwhelmed but I am trying, and trying counts right?

I had a nice bowl of porridge with pears in it for breakfast. That warmed me up.

The weather is rainy here so that isn’t helping. I have to go out in it later this afternoon. I have to go to Iceland which is a store that sells frozen foods. I need to buy some slimming world meals. My sis is taking me.

So I need to somehow get to where I am ok enough to go. I can do this. I just have to push myself harder.

The shower felt nice too. I enjoyed it. I let the hot water pour down on me. That is so healing.

Now to tackle the inside chaos. Lots of kids crying, panicking, etc.

I just keep telling myself I can do this. I can and I will.

Bad day

Today is a ritual holiday. So its a bad day for us.

I’m sitting here, feeling terrible. I don’t know what to do with myself. I am trying not to think about what today is.

Its the fall equinox. I hate it. Everything about this date triggers fear and sadness, pain and upset in me.

I hope I can get through it. I hope we’ll be ok.

At least we aren’t home, so nobody can get to us. We’re at our parents house. We’re safe at least.

Safe physically, but mentally? Mentally we’re a mess.

So many emotions and feelings. So much chaos inside. So much overwhelm.

Pray, if you pray guys. Pray we’ll get through it.

carol anne

#whatif prompt 9.21.18

Today’s prompt:

🍁falling leaves 🍂
Feel free to respond in your favorite way whether it be a poem, short story, photo, video . . however you best relate to the prompt. Simply post your ideas, create a ping-back and use the hashtag #whatif.
Seasons are changing
autumn is coming
that means
falling leaves
they crunch as you walk
the sound is so lovely
always brings me peace
crunch, crunch
Under my feet
falling leaves
they also look so nice
autumn, my favourite season
Of the year
Is here
And I feel
so much peace
peace and serenity


My headache is gone thank god! I lay down for an hour but didn’t sleep. I just rested. I watched judge judy hahaha! Liz loves her! So we watched that and got a good laugh at how funny she is.

I’m so glad the headache is gone though. I used to get massive migraines, I haven’t gotten them now for a while though. This headache wasn’t a migraine but it was no fun. It hurt, a lot. I am grateful for mom and the paracetamol she gave me to get rid of it.

Now that I am feeling better, I’ll be able to go to slimming world tonight, yay. Heres hoping I have a good result on the scales tonight.

Fingers crossed!