Tag: PTSD

My sleep is all messed up

My sleep is so messed up. Its my own fault. I didnt get much sleep last night. I got all of 3 hours. I didnt fall asleep until after 3 AM. Woke again at 6:30, so got up then.

By 4 Pm today I was exhausted. So after mom and my sister left I went to bed. Managed to fall asleep almost right away, and slept until 9:30. Woke once at about 7 PM and let nitro out. Was too tired to stay up though so went back to bed again.

Will probably be up all night now. When I woke at 9:30 I made coffee. I’ve already had 3 cups since I woke up. I also facetimed sarah. We sure know how to talk, we were on the phone for over 2 hours. Good thing neither of us has to pay for it.

Now I’m just messing around on the computer. I did email and made more tea.

Seeing Dr. Barry tomorrow morning at 11:30. Cant wait. Its my last apt with her before christmas.

Its emily

hi its emily. i been listening to christmas music. i love it. i was playing a christmas music playlist on amazon music. I just asked alexa to play me some christmas music and lots of cool songs came on. it helped me to stay calm. i love listening to music. its so much fun.

we called our mom but she’s gone to her brothers house for the evening. we still talked to her though. then we called our dad to see if we won anything in the lottery. we didnt. we had no luck tonight on it.

i gotta tell our mom to bring some cards over tomorrow. we need to write a christmas card for eileen and one for dr. barry. our mom will help us to do it. we are gonna see both of them this week and it will be our last time seeing them before christmas. so we need to give them their cards then.

I am looking forward to that. I like to give them cards. We wont be able to write all of our names on the cards though. There are way too many of us to do that. Probably we’ll just write Carol annes name on the cards. They’ll know we all wanted to give them a card. We’ll tell them they are from us all.

I think I’m going to go make a cup of tea. It doesnt matter if we’re awake late tonight. We can sleep in tomorrow. We have no need to get up early. Anxiety will probably keep us up tonight anyway. Its pretty bad at the moment.
Butterfly hugs,
Loves you,
emily age 12

In crisis, and The plan for today

The plan today was for me to visit my friend norma. We were going to exchange christmas gifts. So at 2:45 Pm I went over to her place. We had a good time, and we did exchange gifts. I had got her perfume, it was called flowers. I was hoping she’d like it and I wasnt disappointed. She loved it. She got me a gift set with a ton of shower products in it. There was about six different things in the set. Its lovely and I really loved it. We had a good catch up. She’s recently started with a new therapist so she told me all about her. I listened and tried to be supportive. I’m feeling kind of bla today. I feel like I am a little bit in crisis. I am feeling emotional and very anxious. I didnt tell her that though. I didnt want to worry her. She’s a terrible worrier and I knew if I told her that I wasnt ok she’d spend the whole evening worrying. I’ve decided I am going to use my distraction techniques this evening. I came home a few minutes ago. I cooked dinner and now I am on my laptop. I will read for a while later and watch a little bit of TV. I can always email Eileen if I need to, and actually any of us who want to can email her. Its not immediate and she doesnt usually respond to emails, but the way I am feeling I think I can manage, as long as I know that she’s recieving the emails and reading them I am ok. I dont see Eileen until thursday of this coming week, but I will see Dr. barry on Monday morning. So all will be fine. I can manage until then. I’m not at my parents this weekend. I am staying home in my own house. Our weather is meant to turn icy and sleet and snow are meant to fall overnight. My plan is to stay indoors with my heat on. Wrap up warm and snuggle up with Nitro. Crisis or no crisis I will manage. I can do this. I’ve managed during worse times. I’ll take an extra clonadine if I need to. I’m only meant to take one but I’m sure Dr. barry wont mind if I do that. I’ll tell her if I do it. I probably wont, but knowing that I can if I need to is helping me.

I skard? someone help?

it taylor. i skard. i no lik dis nite. i bes havin bad memrees. it no fun! i so fraid. i want a hug! i need eileen! i need sumone! i need dis nite to end! i jus ned a hug and sumeone ta tel me i gona bes ok!
it bes windy oteside! i skard of the blowin winds!
is der sumeone around ta tok to?

Zero to switchy in 60 seconds, thats me!

I’m a switchy mess right now! I went from being nice and calm a few mins ago, to being a crying anxious mess!
Zero to 50 alters in sixty seconds, thats us!
Ok I’m slightly exagerating, but really? We’re rapidly switching and we call it roladexing when more than one of us is out in a short amount of time.
Its super frustrating. I can barely keep up. There are kids screaming for attention, teens wanting to come out and do their own thing, and then there are the rest of us adults, who are trying to simmer things down and curb the anxiety.
Its not working very well as you can see from the scattered post!
I need a shirt that says, zero to 40 in seconds, thats did!

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2019/12/02/zero/

Lazy Thursday

Well todays been a lazy day. I layed in bed until 11 AM this morning. I did get up at 7:30 to see to Nitro, feed him, let him out but then I went right back to bed. I even slept which was cool. When I woke up I didnt do much, I’ve been on the computer, watching tv, listening to the radio, reading my book. My friend came over this afternoon, she wanted me to see if I could fix her phone. I wasnt able to though. She did get it sorted in the end which was good. I hate when I cant do something, and I tried for ages to see if I could get her phone to work. After she left, I cooked dinner, and then I relaxed for the rest of the afternoon. I was going to facetime Sarah but she was too tired, so we might facetime later. I’m a bit anxious right now, I think its lingering anxiety from Lisa, and Emily. I am so glad they both spoke to Eileen earlier. That was really good and it helped them a lot. The anxiety is much less now than it was earlier, but its still there. I’m probably not going to sleep very well tonight. We’ll see but right now it doesnt look likely. It was so good of Eileen to get back to us. We can always count on her. So grateful for that. Good therapists are so hard to come by these days, I’m so glad we’ve got an awesome one.