Tag: PTSD

so I had my smear test today. It went well. I was ok, I managed to be ok for it, I wasnt too triggered during it, although I was a bit freaked out. But my mom was with me, she stayed in the room with me the entire time which I was glad about.
We had talked in therapy about it, so that had helped a little. Eileen had told me what to expect, and Eileen is a nurse, so I was reassured by her. she had told me it doesnt hurt, and for the most part it didnt, although I did feel some pressure while the nurse put the speculum inside me.
Anyway. we got there early and the nurse didnt keep me waiting. she took me straight in to the room. she was a very kind nurse, she explained everything to me. she was also very disability aware, having a sister who has downs syndrome. So she explained things, and asked me a few questions. One question she asked me was about sex, had I had intercourse in the past. that was a little embarrassing to answer in front of mom, but I did answer it truthfully.
then she had me strip off,and she had me lie on the examining table. I felt very exposed, but she did put a paper towel over me to cover me a little bit. She started talking to me about holidays, the weather and other stuff as she proceeded to start doing the test.
I did flinch a little during it, as I said there was pressure, and it did hurt as she pushed the speculum inside me. But I breathed through it, and before I knew it it was over. And I was able to get dressed again. I did bleed after the test, but she said thats pretty normal, and for me not to worry about it.
She said since I’d bled afterwords that she would tick the box that says suspicious cervix, and that would mean I’d automatically be referred to the gyn clinic for further treatment and testing, but it could still take anything up to 2 months for me to get a letter with an appointment in it.
She did say it was concerning how I’d gotten a period again after so long, but that if I have some ovary tissue left, that I am still producing hormones, and the lining of my womb could be thickening and maybe that is why it happened, but any post menapausal bleeding needs to be checked out.
so that was that. we left and i know now what to expect. As for the results of the smear that will also take a while. eileen had said I could text her after I had the test, so I did. I just told her how it all went, and what happened during it , and within the hour she texted me back and said how proud of me she was and she also said well done for getting through it.
I am proud of myself for getting through that. I didnt think I could do it.

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