Do you need a laugh? Read this!

Farmer John lived on a peaceful, quiet rural highway. But, as time
went by, the traffic slowly built up to an alarming rate. The
traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run
over at a rate of three to six a day.

So one day Farmer John called the sheriff’s office and said, “You’ve
got to do something about all of these people driving so fast and
killing all of my chickens.”

“What do you want me to do?” asked the sheriff.

“I don’t care, just do something about those crazy drivers!”

So the next day the sheriff had the county workers go out and
erected a sign that said:

SLOW: SCHOOL CROSSING

Three days later Farmer John called the sheriff and said, “You’ve
still got to do something about these drivers. The school crossing
sign didn’t help at all.”

So, again, the sheriff sent out the county workers and they put up a
new sign:

SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY

That didn’t help any more than the school crossing sign. So Farmer
John called again, and the sheriff tried a new sign that didn’t
work. This went on every few days for the next three weeks.

Finally, Farm John told the sheriff, “Your signs are doing no good.
Can I put up my own sign?”

The sheriff, glad to get Farmer John off his back said, “Sure thing,
put up your own sign.”

The sheriff got no more calls from Farmer John. A few weeks later,
curiosity go the best of the sheriff, and he decided to give Farmer
John a call.

“How’s the problem with those drivers. Did you put up your sign?”

“Oh, I sure did, and it’s worked like a charm. Not one chicken has
been killed since. ”

He hung up the phone.

The sheriff was really curious now and he thought to himself, “I’d
better go out there and take a look at that sign… it might be
something that WE could use to slow down drivers…”

So the sheriff drove out to Farmer John’s house, and his jaw dropped
the moment he saw the sign. It was spray-painted on a sheet of wood:

NUDIST COLONY

Go slow and watch for chicks!

An irish mammys letter to her son

Dear Son,

Just a few lines to let you know I’m still alive. I’m writing
this letter slowly because I know you can’t read fast.

We are all doing very well.

You won’t recognise the house when you get home – we have moved.
Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within
20 miles from your home, so we moved 30 miles away.

I won’t be able to send you the address because the last Irish
family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so
that they wouldn’t have to change their address.

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I’m
not sure it works so well though: last week I put a load in,
pulled the chain and haven’t seen it since.

Your father’s got a really good job now. He’s got 500 men under
him – he’s cutting the grass at the cemetery.

Your sister Mary had a baby this morning but I haven’t found out
if it’s a boy or a girl, so I don’t know whether you are an
auntie or an uncle.

Your brother Tom is still in the army. He’s only been there a
short while and they’ve already made him a court martial!

Your Uncle Patrick drowned last week in a vat of whiskey in the
Dublin Brewery. Some of his workmates tried to save him but he
fought them off bravely. They cremated him and it took three days
to put out the fire.

I’m sorry to say that your cousin Seamus was arrested while
riding his bicycle last week. They are charging him with dope
peddling.

I went to the doctor on Thursday and your father went with me.
The doctor put a small tube in my mouth and told me not to talk
for ten minutes. Your father offered to buy it from him.

The weather isn’t bad here. It only rained twice this week,
first for three days and then for four days. Monday was so windy
one of the chickens laid the same egg four times.

We had a letter from the undertaker. He said if the last
payment on your grandmother’s plot wasn’t paid in seven days, up
she comes.

About that coat you wanted me to send you: your Uncle Stanley
said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons
on, so we cut them off and put them in one of the pockets.

John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really
worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father
out.

Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck.
Ralph was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety.
Your other two friends were in the back. They drowned because
they couldn’t get the tailgate down.

There isn’t much more news at this time. Nothing much has
happened.

Your loving Mum.

P..S. I was going to send you some money but I had already
sealed the envelope.