We just arrived at our apartment in Killarney. It’s really lovely. We are just settling in now. Later we are going in to town to do a bit of shopping and have food. The weather is even cooperating. It’s 14 degrees c here now. We are here until Sunday. Tomorrow it’s Lauren’s birthday. We might go billing tomorrow if we have time. I’ll post more later tonight.
Well I had a really good workout, I did half an hour on the treadmill and 10 minutes on the bike. I feel great now. It was a really good experience.
I’m glad I pushed myself. Feels great. In dauphins rushing through my body, making me feel good.
Are usually go to the gym on Friday mornings but this week I won’t be going. I won’t be having my PA on Friday. We are going away for the weekend, that’s why she won’t be coming this week.
I feel a lot better, and hopefully I can sleep tonight. Exercising really helped and I think it will help to with my sleep.
I’m not going to get weighed in tonight, I decided not to go, not because I don’t think I’ve lost weight, but just because I was feeling bad and so I decided to take a break, I’m not going either next week because I’m going to a show in our city next week on the same night that slimming world is on. But that’s okay. I started feeling a little bit better so I’m going to go to the gym, I wasn’t going to go but then I decided I better get my butt in gear and do a bit of exercise, it will do me good. The weather is bad it’s raining heavily. I’m getting a taxi though so that’s okay, I won’t get wet. I’m not sure I’d have lost any weight though if I did go to slimming world tonight. I weighed myself this morning on my own scales at home and it said I was the same as I was last week. So who knows, I guess I shouldn’t weigh myself on my own scales but I just want to see you know I wanted a ballpark figure.
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Todays Prompt: Write a piece using the phrase;explicit emotion
her eyes leak
as she sits
shaking like a leaf
it builds and builds
its a tornado
written all over her face
fear, so so much fear
she grips the table
as her head swims
everything begins to blurr
she starts to remember
holding her breath
she starts to cry again
but that fear
the fear of knowing but not wanting to know
what happened to her
is so real
And she thinks
She’s going to die from it.
Shirley, our host wrote this poem, in response to thinking about her childhood and what happened to her during it.
Remember that everyone you meet is afraid of something, loves something and has lost something.
H. Jackson Brown Jr.
This is so true! Its definitely true for me anyway.
so an interesting session for me today with eileen. i hadnt been to therapy in ages. i mean we had, but i personally hadnt. and it ended up I didnt even have a whole lot of time, as Shirley was out and needed to talk. But I did have a few minutes at the start, and end of our session. And when I did, we were talking about did, Eileen asked me what I think did is? How would I explain it? That kinda threw me. Not many people ask me that. I said I thought did was many people sharing one body, then that led to her asking me if I know we’re all part of one whole person? I told her I did know we shared a body, but I didnt feel we were part of a whole person. There is no whole. There has never been. She said she understood how I felt. But that her idea was that we’re all parts, parts of a whole. And logically I know this, but well, I guess it doesnt come up to often, so I dont really think about it. I mean, I do know we share a body. I know there arent tons of different people, but I also know as parts, we are individuals, we are separate in that we all have our own feelings on things, ideas about things, etc. Eileen agreed with me on that. She said she realises that we all think about the world differently, express emotions and feelings in our own unique way. She said she is just gently telling me that we’re one being, one body, and parts of a whole. Man! That is a tough one to take. I am my own person, I want to be my own person, I hate that we share a body. Mostly I hate that. Mostly I want my own body. I just want to be me, but deep down I know I have to conform, I have to take the whole system into account when making decisions, i know this. I guess I am just ranting a little because I can, lol. It was just an interesting session to me. We havent actually talked much about did, about what it means and what it is and how we see it. Eileen said the reason she asked us was because the questionaire we did last week, the first question in it says, do you believe you have a diagnosis of did or a dissociative disorder, do you and all parts believe that to be true? We do believe it to be true. That isnt the issue here. But Eileen just wanted our opinion on what we as parts think did is and what it means to us to be did to have that disorder. It was just interesting to me. I have to now go away and reflect on it a little.
After a month or so without talking to her, we finally got to talk on skype. Well I called her. She’s ok, but she was having a lot of trouble with her words, I think it was due to her meds, she couldn’t quite say what she wanted to say to me, she was having a lot of trouble stringing sentences together.
For those who aren’t aware, my partner jess, lives in a psychiatric residential unit, she’s been there since 2015. I am so sad that she has to be there. She was meant to be going on a home visit this weekend but her mom got sick so she couldn’t go. She was quite upset about it when we talked.
She was delighted I called her though. It was so good to talk to her. I miss her so much. I think of her every day. I would anyway, but well she thought I didn’t. I told her I do. I wake up, and i think of her. I wonder how she is, what she’s doing etc.
I told her to go switch on her phone and we can text. Her phone wasn’t working for a while. It is now again though. So if she switches it on we can text and facetime using our phones. That will be good.
I’m happy now. I can go to bed happy tonight.