So my anxiety is still high! I ended up staying at home again today and not going in to work. I felt bad but I need to take care of my mental health. I wasnt going to slimming world either, but I changed my mind at the last minute. The fact I’d have to still pay for this week even if I missed it spurred me on and made me think twice about not going in. I slept for half the day. I couldnt get up. I just dozed all morning and into the afternoon. That made me feel crappy, I felt like I was being lazy. I do feel a little better though, now that I’ve napped a lot today. I am less cranky, less tired, more energised, and in a good mood. As I said, the anxietys still there though. Right now I am so thankful I will see Eileen in the morning. That session wont come quick enough. My friend Norma whose blind and lives near me, she went to school in dublin with me, she’s a few years younger than I am, but she’s looking for a therapist and she asked me to ask eileen if she knows someone whose reasonably priced. So I asked eileen and she got back to me tonight and told me to leave it with her and she’d think about who to send her to. Norma is ringing me a lot though and being quite needy, and its stressing me out to no end. I dont want to seem mean and tell her to stop calling me, but I may have to. She rang me twice tonight already and she said she’d call me tomorrow at lunch time, so I told her she could, but if I couldnt talk then I’d ring her back when I am able to talk. I dont want to seem unsupportive. But well I can only take so much. I see Dr. barry as well tomorrow. In the afternoon. I am glad about that. Its been 5 weeks since I have seen her, the longest we’ve ever gone without an appointment since 2013. I am feeling the effects of not seeing her now too, so am glad we finally have an apt tomorrow. I need to wish her a happy anniversary, this month marks our six year anniversary of working together. I cant actually believe we’ve been seeing dr. barry for that long. It sure doesnt seem like it. Those six years of working with Dr. barry have been the best years of our life, mental health wise we’ve done much better while seeing her than we did with previous psychiatrists. So its all good. I will wish her a happy anniversary and I’m sure she’ll be all surprised about it that we’ve been working together for so long, things like our anniversaries mean a lot to her. She did tell me recently that she only started working as a consultant six months before she started working with me, she only moved to the job in the may of 2013, and we started working together in the november of that year. Now that I’ve slept for most of the day, I’ll probably be up for the whole night. I am planning on facetiming sarah in a little while. Once she wakes from her nap. I am looking forward to chatting to her. I bet we talk more about the trip next year and what we plan to do during it. Or more likely what we plan to eat hahaha. We like to talk about the kinds of food we’ll eat on the trip. I hope the anxiety lessens soon. I hate anxiety, its horrific. I wish it didnt exist. I’d be happy if it just fucked off and left me alone.
