Just a couple of snaps taken last night. We didn’t do much last night just stayed around the apartment complex had drinks had dinner and listen to music and chatted, it was really nice. Today we are going to a couple of beaches so I should be able to get some nice pictures and I will post them later on today, the vacation is going really well so far we are having a lot of fun.
monday was a chill out day. i was going to go to the basement club but i decided when i saw the rain that I’d stay home and rest my back. i went to bed very early last night after taking a couple of anti inflamitories and a couple of paracetamol. and i slept like a log, probably because of the meds in my system. i woke early to let nitro out to do his business and feed him and then went straight back to bed. mom rang me at 9 AM and I told her I’d be staying home today. then i just went back to sleep. i woke a couple times but couldnt get up. at least my back got better though so it was good that i rested it. eventually i got up when my home help came and i ate dinner. it was after 5 Pm then. now its almost 1 AM and I am wide awake. of course i have had a couple cups of coffee and been watching tv for the evening. i’ve been talking to a couple of friends on the phone as well. im feeling pretty good. i’m watching this show right now called i survived. its about people who survived things like natural disasters, being shot, etc. its a good show. kristen will be coming today at around 8 AM. I’ll be going to be weighed and I also have to go get some groceries. I am hopeful that I’ve lost some more weight. We shall see I suppose if I did or not. I have been doing pretty good so I’m hoping that will pay off. I’ll keep you all posted.
hi its allie. and i am sad. very very sad. and scared. i cant sleep. and i wish i wasnt me. i wish i was someone else. and i wish i had a forever mom. my mom bio mom hates me. she doesnt like or love any of us young insiders. she only likes the adult parts. it makes my heart so sad. i hurt. i want eileen or dr. barry to be my forever mom. they are caring. they are loving. i know they love me because they tell me. they show me by their actions. they pat my arm. or my shoulder. or talk softly to us. or say kind things like calling us pet or hun or telling us to have a good week, take care, stuff like that. our mom doesnt do any of that. ok she does practical things like housework and stuff but i dont want a mom like that i want a mom who will talk to me about hard stuff, play with me, be there for me when i feel sad and cry and am lonely. right now i dont want to be me. i realy realy dont. i’d like to run away. run far far away. but i cant. i am stuck. i cant move. i am trapped. i feel like i cant move like this is one big nightmare.
I MAY REGRET THIS OR I MAY NOT
BUT IS ANYONE OUT THERE?
ANYONE WITH DISSOCIATIVE PARTS, OR WHO HAS DID
OR WHO FEELS ALONE AND LIKE THEY HAVE NOBODY
I AM HERE AND I WANT TO TALK
I REALLY REALLY WOULD LOVE A CHAT
I AM FEELING SO ISOLATED AND DESPERATELY ALONE
I AM PART OF A DID SYSTEM AN ALTER IN A DID SYSTEM
A TEEN FINDING HER WAY IN THE WORLD
I’D LOVE TO GET TO KNOW OTHERS WHO CAN RELATE
OR ANY OF MY FOLLOWERS WHO MIGHT LIKE TO CHAT TO ME
I SOMETIMES AM A LITTLE VOLATILE AND ANGRY
BUT I LOVE MY FRIENDS AND I ONLY KICK OFF IF I FEEL THREATENED OR HURT
I PROMISE NOT TO KICK OFF NOW I PROMISE TO BE CIVIL AND FRIENDLY
PLEASE SOMEONE TALK TO ME?
i feel sad and hopeless. my heart just hurts. someone please sit with me. i am scared. lonely and scared and sad and feeling afraid and alone and like its hard to breathe. i need a friend. i need someone to love me. i am remembering lots of bad things and feeling gross and disgusting and like i am bad and unlovable and like everyone hates me.