In her eyes…

the pain overflows
in her mind
in her heart
in her eyes
so much pain
drives her insane
she’s afraid to open up
to anyone
afraid to speak of it
afraid to put words on it
so instead
she shoves it down
and far far away
shoves it into a corner
and applys her mask
faces the world
and smiles sweetly
yes, this is me
faking it
I can make it

Bad mood

woke up feeling sad
in a bad mood
tried to wave my bad mood away
showered, ate breakfast
tried to think about the family outing
but still, still im in a mood
and I think…
in a mood I will stay for now
even though I hate it
and so does everyone around me

Poem…I’ll keep fighting…

you knocked me down
but I wont stay here
I wont stay down
i’m not that girl any more
i’m a fighter
i’ll show you
i’ll get back up again
stand strong and tall
fight to the bitter end
you will not win
i’m the winner now
yes me
not you, but me
you’ll see
see me rise
see me roar
see me fight
fight to the death
and finally, win!

SoCs for this weekend!

The prompt for SoCs for this week is picture.

A picture says a thousand words
right now, i’m saying nothing
The picture I see is bleak
Bleak as can be
Sadness, pain
Its all so mundain
Brings me down
Brings me to my knees
I get no relief
from anything
Writing soothes me
Soothes the pain away
And makes me think
Tomorrow, tomorrow
Is a brand new day!

The Friday Reminder and Prompt for #SoCS March 24/18

Let it bleed. Why?

why, why oh why
did I not die?
its a question
I ask myself
every day
over and over I ask
why? why?
why did I survive?
was it luck
Or because someone gave a fuck
Not sure
Always feeling so insecure
why? oh why?
am I alive
So I can thrive?
who knows
because I sure don’t
I am stumped
why? oh why?

A victim of sexual abuse

Tears are always running down my face
I hang my head low thinking “what a disgrace?”
The tears are coming from all the damage you caused
What do you want now, a round of applause?

I’ve watched you rape and molest me right before my eyes
Now the only thing left to do is cry
You stole my virginity without my consent
PLEASE tell me why this is the way it went

All I wanted was for you to get off of me
But getting you off of me just wasn’t that easy
You hit me in my face then ripped my shirt
Then you pushed it in to the point where it hurt

I remember it like it was yesterday
Answer this, will I ever forget about this and be okay?
The thoughts are crucial & all I can do is cry
Sometimes I just think then ask myself “why didn’t I die?”

The bastard didn’t care if I lived or if I died
All he cared about was being satisfied
I feel dirty, I feel low, I feel used
I’ll always know that I’m a victim of sexual abuse!