Gonna have a therapy session with Eileen tomorrow!

So Eileen just called us! She said we’ve been on her mind a lot, and she wanted to know if we were free tomorrow to have a session then.
We jumped at the chance to do that!
She spoke to Allie too, because Allie had sent her a text to ask her if she was mad at us. Of course the answer was no!
So we’re going to see her tomorrow at 12:30 and we’ll have a good chat then!
Everything seems to be going good for us with our team all being so supportive and first today dr. barry rang us, and then eileen called us to fit us in even after we couldnt do our monday session!
I am so thankful to have such an amazing, incredible supportive team around me!
Eileen is just the best! I love that she thinks of us even outside of our session time with her.
We are incredibly lucky to have such an attuned therapist!
And Allie is happy now too and she’s stopped worrying!

Virus-free. www.avg.com

Just so unstable

I never went to therapy this morning. I got too overwhelmed. I tried not to cancel the session, but the anxiety got too much. At 8:30 I texted Eileen, and told her I was cancelling. I asked her if there was any possibility we could reschedule the session for later on in the week. She texted back to say at the moment she doesn’t have an opening but if she gets a cancelation she’ll get back to me.
Then I went back to bed. I didn’t really sleep though. I got maybe half an hour of good rest. The rest of the time I just layed there overthihnking and ruminating.
My friend Norma called me and we chatted, that was a good distraction. Also my friend sarah was texting me, she offered to talk to me but at the time I was too wound up and I couldn’t think straight so I said it was fine, that I’d be ok.
I rang Dr. Barrys office, and my appointment is not going ahead on Wednesday. We might be doing a phone session, the secretary needs to talk to dr. barry to see what she wants to do. So I guess I really should have tried harder to get to my therapy session, since now I don’t have any support from my mental health team for the week. Well, I can email Eileen, or text I guess, but I feel bad doing that when we didn’t have our session.
I’m still feeling very off. This self isolating has me all up in a heap. I feel triggered, really triggered by it. And I heard on the radio this morning that Ireland might actually be definitely going into a lockdown phase, because some people are being so damn stupid, going to beaches, not taking social distancing seriously, being so disrespectful of others who might get sick from their carelessness.
Its ridiculous. I guess its just a waiting game now. But they even closed macdonalds here, and I think that says a lot, most places are now closed down.
Well, I think I’ll go make some lunch, try to get my focus on something other than this damn anxiety monster, I hope it works.

Feel like cancelling therapy!

I am so anxious! I feel absolutely terrible!

I want to cancel my therapy session this morning! That’s not a good sign, as I almost never want to do that. I’m not gonna cancel it, but I really don’t feel up to having a session this morning.

However, I’ll push on through. I’ll tell Eileen how I am feeling. Maybe putting words on it is going to help me. I hope so!

I have 3 hours before the session. I need a cup of coffee and a good cry. I really feel like shit!

Is anyone around? Could use some support if you are!

Poem

anxious thoughts swirl around
my stomach clenches
intense feelings of overwhelm wash over me
an intensive pain
shoots through my body
like nothing I’ve ever known
I sit feeling dazed
wanting this overwhelm to end
wondering
when will this roller coaster of emotions stop
when can I get off?

Ok, about therapy updates, what I’ve decided to do!

So in order to keep it real, I’ve decided to keep blogging about my therapy process, and I will be updating here, since some people prefer it to email. So what I am gonna do is put the updates behind a password. So from now on all of the posts containing therapy material will be passworded, so if you’d like to have the password please let me know in the comments section. or you can contact me via my contact page on here also. This new policy will take effect immediately, but it is just the therapy posts which will have a password on them!
Let me know if you want it!

Taking my therapy updates off of the blog, for now at least

to all of my readers,
I’m thinking of taking some stuff off the blog, like therapy updates. for now at least.
I have an email list where I will be posting my therapy updates.
Are any of you interested in joining it? If you want to receive updates on my therapy I will need you to subscribe to it.
I just want to keep things more manageable for now. And putting it on the blog is a little less private, and I’d prefer to keep it to a group of people I know and trust.
If you want to join my updates list, please leave a comment below, with the email address that you’d like me to invite you with.
If I’ve already invited you and your already on it that’s ok, I don’t need you to leave a comment.
If you would prefer to email me directly with your email address instead of leaving it on here then my email address is

manyofus1980@gmail.com

Look forward to your emails!