The crap feeling continues

Well, I still am feeling really bad this morning. I ended up going to bed at 7 Pm last night. I read my book for a while, cuddled with nitro, and then went to sleep. Surprisingly I did sleep. I slept well and didn’t wake until 8 this morning.

Despite everything I decided I am still going to go volunteering today. I need to be out of the house. Going is going to help me I think. Helping others distracts me from my own thoughts. And it feels good to actually be helping others.

My supervisor is going to pick me up at 1:30 this afternoon.

I just wish my mood would lift a little. I really am feeling awful. I feel tense, anxious, and overwhelmed.

Its a horrible place to be in. Thanks to everyone for all of the support. Your all amazing and I truly appreciate it.

Feeling off

I woke up feeling bla. I just feel off. I don’t know why! I just woke up numb, then I went from feeling numb to just feeling down. Now I feel so depressed. I cant shake it. I think I need to do something to distract. I ate a banana, and drank 2 cups of tea. I was hoping the tea would make me feel better. It didn’t. Thank god I have therapy tomorrow. I badly need it.

4 AM wakeup

woke up at 4 AM, was unable to go back to sleep. So I am up now. Probably for the day.
My aunt and uncle are also up. Dont think they are very ok think they are worrying about today and what it will bring.
I might go down stairs now and have a cuppa. I need it.
I feel very off. The sleep I did get was broken.
Looks like its going to be a long day!

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Update

Things here are going ok i guess. nothing to really report, we ate dinner, my uncle cooked, we had lovely bacon and cabbage, mashed potatos and peas. it was really nice. we enjoyed the food as we were really hungry by the time we ate.
my cousins came over, my aunts other 3 children. they ate with us, and then they went to the hall that is booked for tomorrow for the afters of the funeral, there will be food and stuff laid on, so they went and fixed up the room, decorated it with collages of pictures of my cousin.
My aunt said she is dreading tomorrow. She seems to be ok and holding up, but you can tell things are extremely hard for her.
Same with my uncle, he’s trying hard, but his grief is showing.
We’ll have an early start tomorrow morning. The funeral is at 11:30 but we have to leave the house early, my aunt said there is going to be around 160 people at the funeral.
Hoping it all goes off ok. Dreading it if I am honest. I dont particularly do well at funerals at the best of times.
If you can, send good thoughts vibes etc. to us.

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Airport!

We are leaving in 10 mins to go to the airport! I hope the flights go off on time.
I am so nervous. Mom is too.
She is nervous she’ll have a breathing attack. I hope she doesnt! I wouldnt know what to do if she does!
Our sisters dropping us to the airport. We have 2 hours to wait once we are there.
I just hope the flight is a smooth one.
Wish us luck!

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Sleepless

I don’t see myself being able to sleep tonight. I feel wired. I am tired, but I doubt I’ll fall asleep. I think I’ll probably just stay up reading. I will probably be sorry I did that though. I should try to go to bed at a decent hour, as we’re traveling tomorrow, but well, when did I ever do that? Never! I’ll be ok, I’m sure I can go to bed early tomorrow night when we’re in England. I don’t have to stay up until everyone else goes to bed. Right now I am nervous about traveling. I am nervous about the flight, I hate flying. I am not the best traveler. My anxiety is very high. I’m sure I’ll be fine. I need to remember to buy some sweets for the plane, in case my ears start popping while we’re up in the air. I hate when that happens. Hoping to get a little sleep, even if its an hour or two only.

Didnt go in to college this morning

So I woke up with a bad headache. Its not a migraine but it is quite bad. I took some meds for it. I decided not to go in to college this morning. I dont think I could concentrate on anything if I did. I can grab the notes from blackboard. I wont be missing much by not goingn in. I can easily catch up on what I missed. I think I am wise not to go in. I need to clear this headache, so I can go see dr. barry later on this afternoon and go out tonight to the commedy show with my mom and sister.
I am going to spend the morning just relaxing. I am just going to rest, take it easy, not do much of anything for the next few hours.

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