so I am wondering how I did this week with my weight loss!
I sneakily stepped on the scale this morning! It gave me a nice result, but well, I know I cant really trust my own scales! So I am not going to hope that what my scales said is true!
I will just wait until tomorrow when I have my weigh in and see how I go then!
I was good though this week so…well, hoping that will pay off!
I am making a spaghetti bolognes today, well I am not doing it, my mom is, and I will eat that today, and maybe even tomorrow too.
The only thing I’ve eaten this week that was any way bad is I had two bags of cheese and onion crisps, on saturday. Other than that I havent had anything unhealthy! I have eaten tons of fruit which is also speed so thats good right? I think so!
I am so hopeful of a good result tomorrow night. I’ll be devastated if it turns out bad!
I’d really love to lose more than a pound!
That is my dream result, to lose maybe 2 or 3 pounds!
fuck fuck fuck
anxiety fucking sucks
I sit here, fearful
anxious, so bloody anxious
I sit here, wondering
will it even end?
does anxiety ever go away?
not for me
but I’m not ok. been sleeping a lot today. unable to do much of anything. unable to be very functional at all.
Only getting up to eat or use the bathroom.
I’m having a ton of anxiety. I feel lethargic, and very off.
My head feels like its playing tricks on me.
Everything is just horrible. I just feel so off.
So I am gong to count this as a day that just, needs to end.
A day where I am not ok.
Hoping tomorrow will be better.
we’re still up and awake. at almost 1 AM.
Shirley went to bed at 11, she did manage to fall asleep but only slept for a few minutes. woke up in a weird headspace. feeling kinda spacy. and anxious. nothing new there we were anxious for most of this evening.
should really try to get some shut eye but no point, doubt I will until I am absolutely shattered and even then I doubt we get much sleep tonight.
some of the kids in the system are up as well. something spooked a few of them. they wont tell me what it was though. they are just acting very skittish.
All I can do is keep reassuring them. I put on some relaxation music. I might also read for a while in a little bit.
I got a little bit hungry so I ate some fruit. Its so lonely being the only person in the house awake.
anxiety fucking sucks! Feeling great and then dipping very suddenly really really fucking blows.
And I dont even know why it happened!
arrrrg! Going to cuddle my dog. Needing a bit of pet therapy.
damn you anyway anxiety!
ITS LIZ. I AM REALLY NOT OK. IM NOT COPING.
MY GOOD FRIEND DEB MADE ME A LIST OF WORDS THAT SHE SAID MIGHT DESCRIBE HOW I AM FEELING…THANKS DEB, IT REALLY HELPED!
SO HERE I GO, I WILL ATTEMPT TO DESCRIBE MY EMOTIONS AS THEY ARE RIGHT NOW…
I FEEL CRAZY, IRRITATED, ANNOYED, UNLOVED, CROSS, ANGRY, PISSY, OVERWHELMED, FURIOUS, UNHAPPY, GUILTY, ASHAMED, JEALOUS, INSECURE, UNMOTIVATED, SAD, FRUSTRATED.
IS THAT ENOUGH?ENOUGH THAT YOU NOW REALISE I AM A HOT MESS?
WELL I AM! DAMN!
FUCK! FEELING LIKE TOTAL SHIT RIGHT NOW!
WANT TO PUNCH SOMETHING OR SOMEONE, PREFERABLY SOMETHING THOUGH AS PUNCHING SOMEONE PROBABLY WOULDNT BE THE BEST IDEA!
ITS ALMOST MIDNIGHT, NO SIGN OF US GETTING A GOOD NIGHT OF SLEEP THOUGH!
THIS ANXIETY IS FUCKING CRAZY BAD!
IM LITERALLY SHAKING HERE. NOT SURE WHETHER IM SHAKING WITH NERVOUS ENERGY, RAGE, OR WHAT IS CAUSING IT.
JUST DO NOT FEEL GOOD RIGHT NOW!