I actually feel good!

I got up early I was up with the birds! I feel great this morning! My mood has improved drastically which I am so glad about!
😀
I had a healthy breakfast, washed my hair, got dressed and am ready to smash today!

The sun is shining and its a beautiful day! Although rain is in the forecast for later!

I'm heading to my friend normas house this afternoon! First though its time to tackle my journal of learning!

I'm not really in the mood to tackle it but I will, because its due on Friday and I want it over with before tomorrow!

So hoping I get a good grade on it!
🙂
Nitro is full of beans this morning! He also slept well!
I read for about 2 hours last night, I read 4 chapters of my book pimped by Samantha owens.
I'm actually reading two books at the moment, pimped, and tiny prisoners, by Maggie Hartley, I'm part way through both!
Anyway, I hope you all have a lovely Saturday!

I need my therapist so bad right now

I really want to text my therapist. I need her so bad right now. I feel so alone. I cant text her, as its gone midnight. But I can email her which I did. The kids are scared and upset. They’ve been crying a lot tonight. They hate the dark. We dont really feel safe. we are feeling anxious and unsafe which is hard to cope with. Nitro is helping though. I just really need her right now. I wish I had her here with me. I have goten out my willow tree figures. She has some of those in her office and haivng mine out is helping me to feel connected to her. I have also gotten out my fleece throw. I wrapped up in it and that also helps me feel connected to her as she has one in her office which she wraps around us when we’re doing memory work. I hate feeling so needy. But I just cant help it. We just feel emotional. And overwhelmed.

crappy sleep, again

so its midnight and i am up wide awake and unable to sleep. its so frustrating. i cant settle. i am anxious and feeling like my skin is crawling. i hate this. it feels horrible. i tried a few things, tried reading, tried a cup of herbal tea, tried a shower, still nothing. i dont know what I’ll do. I am just not sleeping at all. If this keeps up I will go downhill fast. Really fast. My mental health is already compramised and if I dont sleep it will only get worse.

My new read

I’ve started a new book tonight. Its called tiny prisoners and it is by Maggie Hartley. Its a good read so far. I’ve only read two chapters of it but so far I like it.

Maggie Hartley is a UK foster parent who writes about her experiences of fostering kids. All of her books are awesome. This is her very first book, but I never read it, I’ve read all of her other ones though.

I am taking a break from reading for a while to come and read some blog posts. Its almost 5 AM now. I havent slept at all. I have the radio on and am enjoying the early morning. The house is all quiet, except for nitro pottering around following me from one place to the other.


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Sleeping when I can!

I napped earlier. I am basically sleeping as and when I can! I dont get much sleep at a time, maybe 2 or 3 hours max. At least that is what I got tonight. I lay down today when I got home from work, after I ate I lay down, that was around 4 PM. I slept for a little while, until maybe 6 PM. Then I woke up and got up, stayed up for a while and watched some tv, lay back down at around 8 PM. I slept again for maybe an hour or so. Now I am wide awake. I suppose I’ll be up for the night now. Or until 5 or 6 AM at least.

I am still having very low mood. It comes and goes. Certain times of the day are worse for me. Early mornings, and late night seem to be the worse times. Late at night is especially hard, I think because I am alone with my thoughts then. Nobodys here except me, at least I have Nitro to keep me company, without him I dont know what I’d do!

I am basically swimming, trying to stay afloat, trying to do my normal everyday things, trying to function as normal. Its really hard. I am glad I made it to work today. That felt good to actually go. I am also really happy with my grade I got on my assignment for college! That was a tough assignment! I am happy with 60 percent. I feel I did better than I thought I did on it!

Well thats about it for now! I am going to go see what I can find around here to do to keep me busy for a while!

Catch you all later peeps!

achievements, complex ptsd,


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Lonely

I am feeling very alone tonight. Its 1:30 AM. I cant sleep. I am alone here in the house as I live on my own. I wish someone was here to talk to. I feel lonely and overwhelmed and so very alone.
I have the radio on for company. I was cold so I put on my heating. I made a coffee as I am not going to sleep. I tried reading, it didnt help. I tried settling down after reading, I couldnt. I just feel wired.
This sucks. If anyone is around, send me a hug or some support please.
I could really use it.

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Bright light of hope

Emotions run deep
I cant sleep
I try and try
Feel like crying
Tears dont come
Instead they pool
At the edges of my eyes
Threatening to engulf me
Sleep evades me every night lately
I want the comfort of rest
Peace
Peace and serenity
thats all I want
An end to this turmoil
That I am feeling
But an end is not in sight
and I dont think it will be
for a while
so meanwhile
i search
for rest and relaxation
and I hope
for the bright light of hope
to shine on me