Its emily

hi its emily. i been listening to christmas music. i love it. i was playing a christmas music playlist on amazon music. I just asked alexa to play me some christmas music and lots of cool songs came on. it helped me to stay calm. i love listening to music. its so much fun.

we called our mom but she’s gone to her brothers house for the evening. we still talked to her though. then we called our dad to see if we won anything in the lottery. we didnt. we had no luck tonight on it.

i gotta tell our mom to bring some cards over tomorrow. we need to write a christmas card for eileen and one for dr. barry. our mom will help us to do it. we are gonna see both of them this week and it will be our last time seeing them before christmas. so we need to give them their cards then.

I am looking forward to that. I like to give them cards. We wont be able to write all of our names on the cards though. There are way too many of us to do that. Probably we’ll just write Carol annes name on the cards. They’ll know we all wanted to give them a card. We’ll tell them they are from us all.

I think I’m going to go make a cup of tea. It doesnt matter if we’re awake late tonight. We can sleep in tomorrow. We have no need to get up early. Anxiety will probably keep us up tonight anyway. Its pretty bad at the moment.
Butterfly hugs,
Loves you,
emily age 12

In crisis, and The plan for today

The plan today was for me to visit my friend norma. We were going to exchange christmas gifts. So at 2:45 Pm I went over to her place. We had a good time, and we did exchange gifts. I had got her perfume, it was called flowers. I was hoping she’d like it and I wasnt disappointed. She loved it. She got me a gift set with a ton of shower products in it. There was about six different things in the set. Its lovely and I really loved it. We had a good catch up. She’s recently started with a new therapist so she told me all about her. I listened and tried to be supportive. I’m feeling kind of bla today. I feel like I am a little bit in crisis. I am feeling emotional and very anxious. I didnt tell her that though. I didnt want to worry her. She’s a terrible worrier and I knew if I told her that I wasnt ok she’d spend the whole evening worrying. I’ve decided I am going to use my distraction techniques this evening. I came home a few minutes ago. I cooked dinner and now I am on my laptop. I will read for a while later and watch a little bit of TV. I can always email Eileen if I need to, and actually any of us who want to can email her. Its not immediate and she doesnt usually respond to emails, but the way I am feeling I think I can manage, as long as I know that she’s recieving the emails and reading them I am ok. I dont see Eileen until thursday of this coming week, but I will see Dr. barry on Monday morning. So all will be fine. I can manage until then. I’m not at my parents this weekend. I am staying home in my own house. Our weather is meant to turn icy and sleet and snow are meant to fall overnight. My plan is to stay indoors with my heat on. Wrap up warm and snuggle up with Nitro. Crisis or no crisis I will manage. I can do this. I’ve managed during worse times. I’ll take an extra clonadine if I need to. I’m only meant to take one but I’m sure Dr. barry wont mind if I do that. I’ll tell her if I do it. I probably wont, but knowing that I can if I need to is helping me.

Lazy Thursday

Well todays been a lazy day. I layed in bed until 11 AM this morning. I did get up at 7:30 to see to Nitro, feed him, let him out but then I went right back to bed. I even slept which was cool. When I woke up I didnt do much, I’ve been on the computer, watching tv, listening to the radio, reading my book. My friend came over this afternoon, she wanted me to see if I could fix her phone. I wasnt able to though. She did get it sorted in the end which was good. I hate when I cant do something, and I tried for ages to see if I could get her phone to work. After she left, I cooked dinner, and then I relaxed for the rest of the afternoon. I was going to facetime Sarah but she was too tired, so we might facetime later. I’m a bit anxious right now, I think its lingering anxiety from Lisa, and Emily. I am so glad they both spoke to Eileen earlier. That was really good and it helped them a lot. The anxiety is much less now than it was earlier, but its still there. I’m probably not going to sleep very well tonight. We’ll see but right now it doesnt look likely. It was so good of Eileen to get back to us. We can always count on her. So grateful for that. Good therapists are so hard to come by these days, I’m so glad we’ve got an awesome one.

Eileen got back to us

its lisa, one of emilys dark insiders. I am 17 years old.
eileen just got back to us. she was driving but she called us while she was in the car. emily answered, but then I came out and we chatted for a while.
i told her that I dont like christmas. she encouraged me to try some christmas activities, and she said she is giving me permission to do that. I felt better knowing she was giving me permission. We talked about the past a little bit, and we decided to contain the memories and put them in a mobile home and park it outside eileens office.
now I am feeling much, much better after our chat. I feel less upset and more able to breathe again.
The anxiety is gone. Just touching base with eileen really helped me a lot. It has helped all of us actually. I think I’ll go talk to jade now and let Carol anne or liz out…actually I think Liz wants to make a coffee so she’ll probably do that.
And I’ll try to enjoy some of the christmas stuff we’ve got planned for the weekend. I’m sure I can do it.

Dont know what to do

im so sad. i been feeling sad all day. i been anxious too. dont know whether to call eileen or not. want to but dont know if I should.
just dont know what to do.
maybe will go make some christmas cards and watch something on tv.
distract myself hopefully that will work.
if not i’ll text eileen. she’s probably busy though and I shouldnt bother her.
butterfly hugs
loves you
Em age 12

So much for relaxing

Well so much for relaxing at home. I didnt get to do that. Instead mom took me grocery shopping. We went at 4:30. It is 8 PM now and we just got home a half hour ago. I’ve decided that tomorrow, after the friendly call christmas party, I’ll go home, I was waiting until Thursday to go home but decided tomorrow is as good a time as any to go. Mom said she’d drop nitro off and she said she’d drop off my computer and the dog food as well. So we did my groceries tonight, and we dropped them off at my house, mom helped me to put them all away, love her for it!

So now that I’m back at moms house, I am able to chill. I am exhausted. I just need to put my feet up. My back is giving, the end of it is hurting from walking around a lot and carrying a lot of heavy bags.

I had fun with mom though. We got some clothes for my dad. I decided to give him some clothes for christmas as well as money. So we bought him a sweater and a shirt and some shoes and slippers. He’ll be delighted with all that.

Now I am going to make a coffee. I need it. I doubt I’m going to get any sleep. I’m wound up. I’ve been feeling the littles close by. Some of them have been scared and upset and I am not sure why. They get scared by crowds and triggered in the store.

Time to go make that coffee now, and then read my book for a while.

Our therapist is proud of us!

Eileen texted us to say how proud of us she is! We didnt expect that!
We’d texted her today to tell her we’re done now at college, and we’ve completed the course, we didnt expect her to reply as its the weekend, but she did! She said:
and so you should be proud, well done, I am so proud of you all! Congratulations!
What a nice surprise to get! Love her for it!