A poem contribution by DV

I’d like to introduce you all to my good friend and fellow blogger, DV. Her bio and one of her poems is below.
Please pop on over to her blog and connect say hi support her, she is an amazing person!

Bio
Im an Australian doctor, artist, writer and mother coming to terms with longstanding mental health problems resulting from complex trauma. I started my blog Dangerous Voyage last year because I was inspired by reading about other peoples journeys through therapy, and I wanted to speak out too and to connect with people who understood what I was going through in a way that friends and family and therapists did not. The caring and support that I have received from being part of the blogging community has been amazing.

Blog address
https://dangerousvoyage.wordpress.com/

My poem: Hope

Hope is a flower
on a distant tree
thick fleshy petals
soft and white
dont touch
touch leaves bruises
dirty and brown
starts the rot
withering decay
I copy the flower in stone
thinking it will be strong
but that fails too
a brittle shell
which crumbles to dust at a touch
dont touch
just look
hope is a flower
on someone elses tree.

DV

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When the storm hits, all you can do is ride it out

all i can do is ride the wave. and that, my friends is what ive been doing for the last two hours.
ive been reading, and texting, and binging on netflicks shows, and downloading media, anything and everything to keep busy…
because when im busy im not anxious, im not emotional, im not crazy…
im not a mess of insanity…
its going on for 6 AM. after countless cups of tea and coffee, and no sleep, its time to face another day.
question for you all my loyal and faithful readers…
if you had some words of wisdom for me right now. something that you’d tell me to do to ride out this wave and get through the storm, what would they be?

oooooo

fuck fuck fuck

my thoughts are racing. oh fuck. its baaad

i cant cope this these thoughts. just feel overwhelmed and sad.

oh gawd, why is it always at night?

why? i just want to sleep. but every time I try

The tears fall

Pain, raw pain

It threatens to overtake me

Think I should go sit with nitro, feel his soft fur against my cheek

now thats the best idea I’ve had all night

carol anne

Poetry

my mind is a tornado
bits and pieces
fly every which way
no rhyme or reason
there’s just
an ocean of thoughts
brimming over
threatening to engulf me
smother me
i try to switch off
but no, i cant
try to sleep
not happening either
so i sit here
and stare
my heads in a spin
its like a whirlwind

Random wednesday thoughts

so what can i say about today? well, mine started off bad. i woke with the worst headache ever, i think it was from dehydration, i drank tons and tons of water, that seemed to fix things and make it go away, along with taking a nice long walk around the park for a few laps. i really just felt like going back to bed, but i pushed on through, and i’m glad i did. i managed to work on my career preparation module, i put a resume together, it took me a long time, trying to remember all the dates and years of when i studied, not an easy task. did not realise i’d studied so much until i actually sat down to write the resume. i tried to do a little college work, i’m kinda stressing out, because i have a 2000 word book review due foe next week. the book i am reading is beautiful boy, by david shep, about his sons addiction to meth amphetamine. i have not started reading the book yet. i’ll start tomorrow. hoping to get it read by friday and do the review over the weekend. thats the plan anyways. ate some of the shepherds pie i cooked yesterday for lunch, one of the other girls in my class had some as well, i was trying to use up the left overs so i offered it to my class mates. after lunch me and nitro did the route to the bus stop. he did well today the only thing was he saw another dog and so got a little bit distracted. but he found the bus stop and got his treat, we got back just efore the rain started pouring, which was good. the rest of the afternoon session we just did our own thing, worked on more college stuff,. oh did i tell ou i passed my first module? well i did. digital media. i had my exam yesterday and i passed it and my portfolio. i was thrilled. after class today i went upstairs, called jess “for those who are new to my blog jess is my partner whose in IL, she’s currently in a psych residential facility. we talked and that was fun, she was doing well and had gotten the xmas package i sent her. then i talked to mom, she was going to my niece’s xmas play at her school tonight, i was kinda bummed that i had to miss it. i usually go to it every year. my cousin facebooked me to tell me that she got the xmas presents i sent, and to also tell me mine are on the way, yay presents, cuz who doesnt like presents. i’m also expecting a box from a good friend in the states, cant wait to get that either. tomorrow we’ll be having our xmas party here at abode, thats the name of the centre where my independent living programme is run. anyway there is a big slap up xmas meal, should be nice. then this coming weekend i need to finish up my xmas shopping, all i need to buy is my moms present and a few more bits for my sister. we are also going to go to a xmas market, we go every year, its so much fun. there are food stalls and a real christmasy atmosphere. well thats about it for now guys, hope all of you are having a fantastic wednesday.
Tell me what you did today?
carol anne

I had time with Eileen

Hi

I got to have time with Eileen this week, I like that. We talked about a lot of things and are used the punters. I never used them before. They helped me to be able to bring up memories, and they weren’t all bad memories either. Some of the more happy memories, like memories of being in preschool and the phone are used to have when I was there. We talked about the assessment and I told Eileen I am upset with Doctor Barry because she thinks I don’t take my mads because I want to stay sick but that’s not true I don’t take the medication because it makes me feel sick especially since I overdosed so many times on medication before and so when I take it it makes me feel sick like I’m gonna throw up. I do like Doctor Barry I’m just murdered her right now. I will have to talk to her and tell her that the reasons why I don’t take my medication sometimes are not the same reasons that she thinks. Right now though I don’t want to talk to her I just want to talk with Eileen. We talk about my feelings and how sometimes I feel very hopeless and very sad and like I want today. Eileen said that was very sad. She keep me some homework for the week. I’m supposed to do one activity and take time for myself and do something nice. So I think I’ll probably listen to music and look up some information about butterfly something like butterflies a lot. I know this phone is messing up and not getting all my words right I think it doesn’t understand my voice sometimes. Dictation can be a bit of a nightmare sometimes. Anyway I like having time in therapy and I hope I can have time again soon

Emily

xmas cards and my mom came through for me

i feel great because I acomplished a lot today. i got all of my xmas cards written. now i have to just send them off which i am going to do tomorrow. i have about 20 cards going to the USA. that will cost me a small fortune but I dont care, I love writing the cards and knowing I am going to make my friends happy. i also have cards going to the netherlands, poland, and the UK. i hope my friends will like the cards i chose. i put a lot of thought into choosing them. a cool thing happened when i was writing the cards. mom was helping me. and i needed her to write a few of the cards because a few people i am sending them to are sighted. so i said mom, i need you to write cards, and I need you to sign them Carol anne. And she didnt protest. She said ok and she did it! I was stunned! I told her that Carol anne is an alter. She never said a word never acted like I was crazy or it was bad or wrong. Is this my mom? I could not believe it. so yeah am feeling thankful that my mom just did what i asked without making a fuss about it. thanks, mom. she’s really starting to come through for me lately.
carol anne