Starting art therapy tomorrow

so tomorrow afternoon i will be starting art therapy. i’ll be working with a student art therapist. she works at the basement club, which is the mental health place I go to where my mentor is and where I have gone in the past. I will be working with her for 3 months. I am excited to start art therapy. I think I’ll enjoy it. I did it for a few weeks last year and when I was doing it I really liked it. I’m looking forward to seeing how creative I can be, and what I can create and what we can process through creativity. I will keep everyone posted as to how it goes, and who know, I may even post pics of my creative endeavours. Watch this space!

#1 liner weds-tea makes it all better!

Tea, glorious tea!
Oh how I love thee!
Sitting in my kitchen with a brew
All my dreams coming true
As I swing between fear, numbness and insanity
All I’ve got is my cup of tea!

And as our alter 12 year old Em says

Tea makes everything better!

So go have some tea and be happy!

Cat napping

I’ve been cat napping on and off for a few hours now. I slept a lot in the afternoon yesterday, only waking a few times, very briefly.

About 2 hours ago, around 1 AM, I snuggled up in bed with Nitro, and we slept for a while, which was so nice.

Nitro is sooo cuddly! I love when he sleeps with me! He’s so warm and snuggly!

I woke when he jumped off the bed. I decided to get up then. Before going to bed, I did a mile on the treadmill, so I feel very pleased with myself.

I ate some rice cakes and I now have the radio on and am catching up on blog posts from the bloggers I follow. I love this time of night. Its very peaceful.

Making a safe room inside, with Eileens help

its kelli. we had a good therapy session yesterday, when we actually were able to get there. i thought i wouldnt be able to go. i was frozen, unable to speak, unable to get my words together. eileen was great. she talked to me and told me to breathe, and just get a taxi and get to her office, and she said she’d help me once we got there. and she did. she walked us through making a safe room inside. for the kids and teens. we already had a little room that looks like her office, but we extended it, so now its a huge room. with an area for us teens, and another area for the kids, the infants and toddlers have their own nursery inside. the safe room is supervised by two adults, landen and kris. when there’s a lot of kids in it there will need to be more adults supervising. the room has blankets, cushions and pillows, bean bags, art supplies, toys, a stereo and lots of other stuff, it even has games consoles for the teens but eileen said we cant have any violent games ha ha ha. i asked her if she knew anything about teens. lol she said yes i do actually. i knew she did, i was just kidding around. she saidthat if we need to feel connected to her to just go to the part of the room thats like her office, and that she’d be in there with us. so thats awesome. i’m so happy shes in there with us. whenever we’re sad or scared, we can go to the safe room inside. or whenever there are things that we dont want to see, or stuff going on that kids and teens dont need to see or hear, we can go there. i’m so happy about it. it feels so good that we have somewhere to go now!

mia: I wand tak tu eileen but i dint getta do it

it mia i bes 3
i wand tak to eileen
she said we hada stay wif tha adults tho
dat shes holdin tha kids in her mind
but i don kno wut dat meens
i wand tak to her
tel her bowt stuf
how im feling
not haf ta sta wif tha adults
adults ar stupid
i wand tu hav tim tu tak
it no fair
i misin her now
i rilly misses her
it hurts
mia 3

A crying mess

we’re a crying mess. i dont want to go to therapy. im so scared. i have no words. i’m frozen. i texted eileen. i hope she calls me. otherwise i might not be able to get out the door to go.
kelli age 16

i dont wanna go

its me emily
i dont wanna go to dublin this weekend
im so scared
but we’re going, cuz carol anne says we has to
she said she promised our friend
and he’s countin on us to go visit him
he’s been lonely and he needs the company
but im so scared of bein back there
back where all of our abuse happened
he lives close to where the school we went to is
thats gone now
its closed down
but im afraid what if we bump into someone we know
carol anne says we’re not going out anywhere
so we wont
but im still afraid
i just feel so trigered
every time i think of it
my heart starts thumping
and i start shakin real bad
we are going
but i thinks im going to have ta talk to eileen today
and work something out
for the kids
so we dont trigger everybody bad
and mabe eileen will allow me to text her
when we’re there
to check in
i hope shell say i can
butterfly hugs
love, em