its me emmy im 8
im aprils best frend
you know today you said you love us and care about us? and when you hear we been hurt and how much it makes you care more?
well i need to ask you if you only love us cuz of our abuse? or if you’d love us even if we hadnt been abused?
it makes me mad when people only love us cuz we been hurt?
i want you to love me for me and us for us and not just cuz we got hurt
will you? does that makes sense?
will you love us just cuz like does there have to be a reason or you can just love us cuz you think we’re cool?
like i dont only love you cuz your our therapist, i love you cuz your funny, and nice to emily, and nice to april and nice to everyone of us that you meet?
and your smart and we learn stuff from you and i like that and love you for teaching us?
so please please just love us for other stuff and not cuz of the abuse?
its me Emily. we had therapy this morning. I came out and talked a lot during our session. and Eileen teached me something. its an EMDR exercise. you see, I always sign my emails butterfly hugs, loves you, actually I sign everything I write in that way. its my trademark ha ha. so Eileen ask me if i’d like to learn something that I can use to calm myself. I said I would. so we learned all about the butterfly hug and you can give yourself a butterfly hug any time. its where you make the shape of a butterfly with your hands, and then you put your hands on your shoulders, well near them, not actually on them. and you tap with first one hand then the other, you do it as if you were using th e pulsers, except there is no vibrating. just tapping. and you tap and bring up feelings as you do it. so Eileen was asking me how I felt being there in her office. I was telling her I was feeling really safe, and glad to be there, glad to be with her. I told her I feel all warm inside, she asked me where, in what part of my body I felt it. I told her my chest and tummy areas mostly. so she had me bring those good feelings up as I tapped on my shoulders with my hands. and it calmed me, it really worked. I felt so so calm. it was like magic! I was so glad I learned it. and Eileen said isn’t it cool how I always sign my emails butterfly hugs and then there really is such a thing in EMDR. I think that’s so cool too. I never even knew that before I started signing that. The rest of the time we talked about my system. And my insiders. And about our week. It was nice. And I just felt really calm during all that. It felt so good. Im glad I talked today. I had a good time and the time went by way too quickly. We brought in our photo album of our trip to Disneyworld in florida with our partner Jess. That was back in 2008, we also went in 2009, but this photo album was from 2008. We didn’t have time to actually go through all of the photos so I left it with Eileen until next week, we are going to spend some time going through it then. I wanted Eileen to see how happy we were in Disneyworld, its a safe place for us, we always bring up images of that when we do visualisation. Its just somewhere where we felt peaceful and safe. I really enjoyed our session today. Some of my insiders did some work too today but I’ll let them write their own posts if they want to do that.
Emily, age 12
Take me away from all this anxiety, please!
Someone rescue me! I hate this! It feels so crappy!
I feel like shit!
I am not. Ok! Not not not!
I am trying things, believe me I am. I just emailed my therapist and am hopeful she’ll respond.
Normally she doesn’t but occasionally she will if she feels its warranted.
Hoping today she does. I need to go to the store soon with my mom for a few things and my anxiety is through th eroof about it.
I don’t feel like I can deal with the crowds of people at the store!
I will go because I have to but I wish I didn’t!
Side by side
She listens, she validates
I cry, and shake
I get sucked in to memories
She brings me back
Every so gently
She holds my hand
Rubs my shoulder
Gently she tells me
I am ok
I am strong
I can do this
I take in her words
I try to believe her
Sometimes I cant
I want to, though
I really, really want to believe her words
She is my safety
In her I fully trust
She makes my bad days good
And allows me to feel all of my feelings
Without telling me
You cant feel this or that
I am so thankful
To have found such an incredible therapist
A time to talk
To tell of my pain
To talk it out
Before I go insane
I sit, and stare
Hoping it will disappear
But it doesn’t
You are here
Sitting with me
Listening to every word I utter
Not running away
You are here
Telling me to keep on going
That I am doing great
And I appreciate you very very much
You are my rock
My safe secure person
In whom I can trust
So now, now I can talk
Talk about the hard stuff
I can do it
Because I have you
Thank you, Eileen
You are such an amazing strength to me
its emily. we had a very hard therapy session today. but something amazing happened during it.
eileen and me were talking, we talked a lot and some of my insiders came out and talked to her as well. we were talking about how people hurt me and punished me and were so mean to me.
eileen said she had an impulse to hug me. she asked me if she can come sit by me and put her arms around me. of course i said yes. cuz well shes my very safe person and i love her hugs.
so she came over and sat next to me and held me. for a long long time. it felt so good to be held.
it felt safe, very very safe. safe and secure. i felt so loved.
we talked as she held me. it was amazing. she asked me how it felt to be held. what it felt like for me. i told her i felt good, warm, and safe.
i asked her if next week she’d sit next to me instead of across the room from me. she said yes she will. i think that will be better for us. she’s sat next to us before, but my insiders and me are doing work with her right now, and i want my insiders to get used to nice touch, safe touch.
i feel much better now. i feel like i can face this week. i will remember what her safe hugs feel like when i am sad. i can remember our hug today, and her safe arms around me.
it feels so good. i feel loved. and that just feels so special.
Emily age 12
I toked in therapy today
and I make this video to
here it is ok
love april who is 8