BAD WEATHER. WE’RE NOT GOING TO THERAPY…

WE ARENT GOING TO THERAPY TODAY. THERE IS A STORM COMING, AND WE’RE UNDER A WEATHER WARNING FROM 7 AM TODAY UNTIL LATE TONIGHT. SO WE DECIDED TO STAY HOME, ITS PROBABLY BEST THAT WE DO, ESPECIALLY SINCE THE WINDS ARE MEANT TO BE HIGH, 130 KM PER HOUR AND THE RAIN IS MEANT TO BE VERY HEAVY ALSO. I TEXTED EILEEN, TOLD HER I WASNT ABLE TO MAKE IT INTO OUR SESSION, SHE WAS TOTALLY FINE WITH IT. WE ASKED HER IF SHE COULD POSSIBLY DO ANOTHER DAY NEXT WEEK INSTEAD OF MONDAY, AS WE’RE SEEING DR. BARRY ON MONDAY, AND SHE OFFERED US TUESDAY AT 4:30. SO WE TOOK IT. SO WILL SEE HER THEN, SAD WE DONT GET TO SEE HER TODAY BUT NEED TO STAY SAFE, NEED TO STAY INDOORS…WE CAN EMAIL HER IF WE NEED TO…THAT WILL HAVE TO BE ENOUGH…
LIZ

Today was a do nothing sorta day

And I badly needed it!
I slept in late, really, really late. I didnt get out of bed until after 1 this afternoon! I was glad to be able to just stay in bed and relax. I havent been sleeping great so I caught up on my rest.
I’ve done nothing all day today besides read, eat, read some more, go online, and make a few phone calls.
I feel all the better for having a chill sorta day!
Tomorrows looking like it will be more of the same, but my mom is coming over, and we might go spend my gift voucher that my sister got me for christmas. She got me a voucher to a clothing store I love, so I might go see what their sale is like and see if I can pick up a few bits to wear.
Maybe I’ll even model what I get for photos and post the pics on here!
We’ll see. If I feel like it I just might do that.
Other than that, me and mom are probably just going to hang out, chat, and mom wants to help me do a few bits around the house, plus she will clean my yard, thank god I have her to do that for me! I never know where Nitro goes because he usually doesnt stick to the same spot!
I had to text Eileen too earlier, I forgot the time of our session on Tuesday! She texted me back and told me and so the panic was averted!
And of course it was great to connect with her!
Thankful for therapy on tuesday and happy to be seeing Dr. Barry on Monday!

LIZ: DEAR EILEEN

DEAR EILEEN,
I MISS YOU. I REALLY REALLY MISS YOU. I CANT WAIT UNTIL TUESDAY WHEN WE’LL SEE YOU. THIS HAS BEEN AN INCREDIBLY DIFFICULT FEW WEEKS. THE BREAK HAS BEEN SUPER HARD ON US. WE WANTED TO TEXT, REACH OUT MORE THAN WE ACTUALLY DID. I KNOW WE SENT A FEW TEXTS, AND A FEW EMAILS. IT TOOK ALL OUR STRENGTH NOT TO FLOOD YOU WITH TEXT MESSAGES. EVEN ME, ALL I WANTED WAS TO REACH FOR YOU. TO SIT WITH YOU. I KEPT REMEMBERING THE LAST TIME I SAW YOU BEFORE THE BREAK. I KEPT REMEMBERING HOW YOU SAID WE’D WORKED SO HARD LAST YEAR. AND HOW YOU WISHED US A LOVELY CHRISTMAS. WE DID HAVE A NICE CHRISTMAS. IT WAS SPECIAL THIS YEAR. WE ENJOYED IT VERY MUCH. BUT YOU WERE NEVER FAR FROM OUR THOUGHTS. ESPECIALLY MINE. EVERY TIME WE DID SOMETHING, WENT SOMEWHERE, HAD SOME NEW EXPERIENCE, I WANTED TO REACH FOR YOU. TO TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT. AND I WILL I KNOW I WILL. BUT I FEEL SO NEEDY LATELY. PATHETIC ISNT IT THAT I AM SO NEEDY? I KNOW YOU’D SAY IT ISNT. YOU’D TELL ME ITS JUST A FEELING, AND THE FEELINGS WONT KILL ME. SOMETIMES I WONDER ABOUT THAT. FEELINGS ARE SO OVERWHELMING SOME DAYS. THEY ARE SO INTENSE. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THEM. SOMETIMES I JUST WANT TO PUSH THEM AWAY. IT FEELS WRONG TO MISS YOU SO MUCH. AND I WONDER, DO YOU MISS ME? WHEN I’M NOT THERE, I WONDER IF YOUR THINKING ABOUT ME. WONDERING WHAT I’M DOING? I KNOW YOU’VE SAID IN THE PAST THAT WE’VE BEEN ON YOUR MIND IN BETWEEN SESSIONS, SO I’M HOLDING ON TO THAT NOW. I AM FEELING INTENSE ANXIETY TONIGHT. I AM SO OVERWHELMED. I THINK SOME MEMORIES ARE BREAKING THROUGH. I AM NOT ALLOWING THEM TO COME FULLY THOUGH. I DONT WANT TO DEAL WITH THEM WHEN YOUR NOT HERE TO CATCH US WHEN WE FALL. WHICH WE WILL, BECAUSE THE MEMORIES ARE DEBILITATING. SO I’VE BEEN JUST TRYING TO COPE. I’VE BEEN LISTENING TO MUSIC, JOURNALING, DRINKING TEA. NOT SLEEPING A LOT. TOO BUSY THINKING ABOUT WHEN I’M GOING TO SEE YOU. JUST THE WEEKEND TO GO NOW AND MONDAY, AND THEN WE’LL HAVE OUR SESSION. I THINK I CAN HOLD IT TOGETHER UNTIL TUESDAY MORNING, BUT I MIGHT BE A SOBBING MESS COME TUESDAY WHEN I GET TO YOU. I KNOW YOU’LL SAY ITS OK, THAT I CAN BE HOWEVER I WANT AND YOU DONT JUDGE ME. I JUDGE MYSELF THOUGH. I THINK IF I AM A MESS CRYING AND BEING ALL NEEDY, I AM WEAK. AGAIN THOUGH I KNOW YOU’D DISAGREE. SO I WILL HOLD ON TO YOUR WORDS NOW YOUR WORDS OF COMFORT TO US AND I WILL TRY TO JUST BREATHE. BUT MISSING YOU FEELS SO HARD. I AM COUNTING DOWN THE DAYS NOW UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN.
LOVE AND HUGS,
LIZ

hihi! it is darina ballerina!

hi hi hi!
how ala ya bes?
i havnt writed here in loong time!
did ya al mis me?
ya’nno what?
we gots ta drink coke zero! ders no sugar in it
i prefir pepsi but mabe tomoro carol anne wil let me get pepsi
wes is goin groceree shopin then
im esited to go to colorado
it is gona be so cool ta meet my frends in sarahs system
sarah has did lik us
and shes blind to lik we are
and her insiders som of them ar kids
and thay ar my frinds
and i cant wait ta meet them!
and kno wat else?
i cant wait ta see eileen and dr. barry again!
its ben hard not seein them!
eileens gona read ta us and dat wil be so neat
we wil wrap up in her soft blanket
and shell read ta us
i love dat
it is so cool and shes a gud reader!
wel i betta go now!
see yas soon guys!
love and pooh bear hugs,
darina ballerina!
im six yars old!

A sweet new years message from our therapist

We just texted our therapist before going to bed. I didnt think she’d get it until tomorrow. I dont know what she’s up to for new years, but I thought she might be out partying, or something. I still dont know what she’s doing, but I dont want to know. I texted her and she texted me right back. She wished us a happy new year, and she said she hopes 2020 is great for us, and then she put a party face with hat and confetti and the happy face with hugging hands and 2 hearts imogies after it. It was so sweet. And now I can go to bed happy. Knowing we’ve connected. And thats all the kids needed, they just were longing for some connection with eileen. Now we’ve gotten it. We will sleep better tonight now. I am so happy and feeling so lucky. What an awesome therapist, to text us on new years eve. Although now for the last few years we’ve done that. And its kinda our thing now to text a christmas greeting on christmas day, and a new years one on new years eve. We just kinda started doing that and we kept going with it. Right now I’m heading to bed, and I’m heading to bed with a warm fuzzy feeling in my heart. Thank you Eileen for your love and support, your kindness and most of all for you just being you. We love you and we’re blessed to have you in our corner and in our lives.

Texted Eileen!

Hihihii everybody!
Well I sended our therapist a text! I had to I was just feeling so sad! She said if we need her to just text her! So I did! Heres what I said in the message to her!

Hi Eileen, its Em. I am so sad! I wish you were here! I need you so bad right now!
Do you think we can have a phone check in today?
I miss you so, so much!
Everything feels so hard!
Butterfly hugs,
Love you,
emily!

I hope she responds to me today. I know as soon as she can, she will. She never forgets. So I hope we can talk soon!

We miss you Eileen?

hhihihii
its emily! i am missing eileen so much right now!
my heart is sad!
I wanna text her! I’ve been awake for a while and I wish it was later so that I could text Eileen!
Carol anne says maybe later we can! I hope so!
I really wish Eileen was here right now!
if she was here I know she’d hug me! And hold my hand! I love it when we hold hands, feeling her support is what I love most of all!
This therapy break feels soooo long!
butterfly hugs
loves you,
emily age 12