Hiding all the time

LOVING AND LONGING to be outside
Yet always hiding away from judgmental eyes.

Craving contact and people to know
Yet hiding away to escape the judgment flow.

Dreaming of being accepted and wanted as a friend,
Yet hiding away in fear that I’ll be rejected yet again.

Wanting to soar, to see myself fly
Yet hiding away, dreading my fall from the sky.

Desiring to speak out, to make my voice heard,
Yet afraid of backlash drowning out every single word.

Longing to paint coloured pictures from me,
Yet hiding away, too afraid of hurtful words should anyone ever see.

Needing to write, to let my words flow,
Yet hiding away, afraid there’s nowhere for them to go.

Hiding away for as long as I can remember,
All the yearlong, January through December.

So tired of hiding the best parts of myself,
Yet so afraid to discover they’re better left on the shelf.

Hiding and fear have been in charge for a very long time.
But need to be seen, heard, and known has suddenly grown.

Taking down some good items from that old dusty shelf,
And replacing them with fears that are not my real self.

Little by little I’m making that trade,
Wanting to get my best parts out of the dusty shade.

Slowly making room inside of my own aching heart
To accept and love myself, including my broken parts.

Getting a little bit braver as the days go by,
Looking up more and more at my future sky.

The benefits from my hiding have never come to me.
It’s time to let the world observe me as I am being me.

Each day going forward, I will go out of hiding for a little while.
I will feel the warm sunshine, breathe the fresh air, and then I will smile.

I will search deep inside myself and find the wholesome love that’s there.
Then I will think up ways to give my love and show it everywhere.

I will remember living like that as the child that I used to be
Before their hatred made me hide the very best bits of me.

Then I will release those hidden best parts for all the world to see,
Letting them evermore run completely and exuberantly free.

I can hardly wait to experience this life when lived unhidden and free,
When I’m being every single little bit of everything that makes me ME.

Thanks for listening.

Author: Carol anne

I am 40 years young. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland. View all posts by Carol anne