My right shoulder hurts a lot this morning

My right shoulder is killing me. I am not sure what I did to it. I think I slept funny on it. Its really painful and sore.

I wish I had something to take. Oh wait, I think I have some paracetamol, maybe I’ll take it. Every time I move my right arm it hurts. I think the paracetamol should help. They are painkillers, over the counter kind, so I’ll try those and see how I go.

Its going to suck if it hurts for the whole day.

I am a survivor

I climb in the shower
Let the water run
It pours over my body
Hot, but then
I cool it down a little
The shower is so healing
I stand there
Washing my day away
washing my pain
And sadness
and emotional overwhelm away
as water pours
I think about life
How I am surviving it
On a daily basis
Its hard, but I am doing it
and I will continue to do it
No matter what
Surviving, is what I am good at
and as the water soaks my skin
I listen
I hear my own heartbeat
and I know
I am alive
I have survived

When you are alone

when you are alone
in the darkness
everything feels
just a little more overwhelming
when you are alone
and so scared
you feel weak
you feel vulnerable
it is then
you wish you had someone
to pull you close
hold you tight
it is then
you need an ear
a friend
a hug
when you are alone


it is Em, felt so bad earlier, so I texted eileen

hihihi everybody
It is me Em. I was feeling really bad this morning. My body was hurting, and I felt awful. I felt really triggered.
I decided to text our therapist Eileen to tell her. So I did.
She got back to me later on in the day. After I texted her I hid in our bedroom with our fan on and I climbed into bed and took a long nap.
It helped. I feel much better now. I am not triggered any more.
Eileen asked me if I need to see a doctor. And she said maybe I am stuck in memories and I just forgot I am safe now. Its true I did forget.
I was so glad she texted me back. I knew she would when she could.
It was so reassuring. I reread the text a bunch of times.
Am so glad i feel better now.
butterfly hugs
love, em

Emotional overwhelm

I am feeling so emotional. I am sitting here with my coffee, and I am crying. I hate life sometimes. I really do.
I got a flashback and it freaked me out. It sent me reeling.
Memories fucking suck so much. I hate them. I want to go numb. I want to disappear. I want this pain to end.
Why? Why do I suffer so much trauma?
I feel so dead. So much pain in my heart and in my head.

Nitro update

Nitro is going back to the vet this morning. I think his abscess is still there. I havent been able to get anyone to loook, since I didnt see anyone until yesterday, and when I asked my PA frances, she wasnt really able to see properly.
He finished his first round of antibiotics, and pain relief, and he seems to be doing ok, but I dont know if he’s still in some pain, although he seems to be happy which is positive.
The vet will have another look this morning, if the abscess is still there she might try to drain it, if she cant, he might have to go under anaestetic, but if she can then he’ll just need another round of antibiotics.
Please pray he doesnt need to go under, I dont want to have to put him under again so soon, after he’s just been under anaestetic 2 weeks ago.
I’m going to walk him down to the vets office, but I’ll have to probably wait outside, while the vet checks him over.
I hope he’ll be ok. Can use all the positive vibes and prayers guys. Will keep you all posted on how it goes.

In the dark of the night

tears fall
i sit in the dark of the night
a little light shines
its getting brighter now
i know
it will be ok
i can do this
i can make it
just need
a hand
to hold me
someone to lean on
light shines brighter now
birds start to sing
the day begins