Novas random word of the day: transmitted

ice cold
numb to the bone
feelings transmitted
i feel so alone
shaking, quaking
long sharp breath
exhaling
fear grips me
oh, shit
i cant see
now what do I do?
feeling, stuck
Just like glue?
Where to go from here?
Oh, who cares!
Its all the same
Isolated, feeling ashamed
Dont know why
All I want to do is cry!

http://mynamaste365online.blog/2019/08/13/ndrw-71/

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Therapy breaks suck so much

well its gone 1 AM and I am still up! I cant sleep! Story of my life, right? To be honest, I am feeling pretty unsettled tonight. I miss Eileen a lot. I wish I was able to talk to her. I’ve been playing the recordings she made for us. I feel pretty sad tonight. I am not really ok. I’m trying to be, but it isnt really working. Therapy breaks are so tough. the attachment pain is bad. I feel lost. I feel alone. I feel like nothing I do is sootheing me. I even took out the empty bottle of rose scent eileen gave us and started smelling it, thinking that would help, and it did a little bit, but I still feel awful.
Its just not a good night. I am struggling to cope. Struggling to be ok. Thank god there is less than a week of the therapy break left now!

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Pleasant evening

its a warm evening
i feel so hot
jump in a cool shower
it feels so good
let the water cascade on my body and face
feel my pain wash away
a healing shower
oh how i love it
get out and put on body butter
inhale its sweet aroma
once I am dressed
settle in to watch tv
emmerdale is on
cuddle nitro
drink my coke
feel content
its a pleasant evening

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Solstace ug

Today is the summer solstice, one of the worst days for us. Its because of SRA, for those who don’t know we are survivors of a cult, and survivors of ritualistic abuse, and the cult used the solstice as a time to abuse us, it was a major cult holiday.
We’ve been feeling off all evening. I ate to try to cope with how I was feeling. I got take away food, something I haven’t done since Christmas, I’m sorry I did that now. But I just wanted to purge the feelings, stuff them down. I didn’t want to have to feel them.
I haven’t slept great tonight. At least Anna got to have a phone check in with Eileen though. She texted Eileen yesterday because she was still feeling upset after receiving an unwanted email the night before, and even though wendy deleted it, she still felt bad. Eileen offered to have a phone check in with her, so we did last night. That felt good, reassuring, calming.
Eileen always knows how to make us feel safe.
She knows just what to say to be reassuring!
I just need to get through today in one piece!
I dont think I’m going to go into work. I don’t feel up to it. I just think I will go to my parents after my pa leaves this morning.
I need to try to take things easy today. Try to relax, and do some self care.

The scars on your face, the pain when you smile and the shame in your eyes – it is temporary 🙏

 

Read on for some inspirational words! ❤

via The scars on your face, the pain when you smile and the shame in your eyes – it is temporary 🙏