WE ARE IN A MAJOR MENTAL HEALTH CRISIS! I AM IN SO MUCH TURMOIL! I STARTED FREAKING OUT EARLIER, AND I CANT CALM DOWN. I AM SOOO ANXIOUS. I HAVE HAD MEMORIES AND FLASHBACKS GOING ON FOR HOURS NOW. WE’VE BEEN SWITCHING LIKE CRAZY, I’VE JUST COME OUT LONG ENOUGH TO BE ABLE TO SIT DOWN TO WRITE THIS NOW. BEFORE THIS KIDS WERE ALL CRYING AND FREAKING OUT, TRIGGERFEST, WHAT A FUCKING MESS! WE ARE HAVING URGES TO SELF HARM, AND FEELING LIKE WE SHOULD JUST END IT. WE FEEL SO SO UNWELL AND VERY UNSTABLE. THINK I SHOULD TEXT EILEEN BUT DUNNO IF I CAN? AFRAID TO? JUST CAUSE I DONT WANNA BOTHER HER? LIKE CAUSE WE ONLY SAW HER YANNO TODAY? AND MAYBE SHE DOESNT WANT TO BE BOTHERED? I NEED TO PUT MY FEARS ASIDE AND JUST TEXT HER! OMG GUYS I AM IN SUCH A MESS. I’M LITERALLY SHAKING FROM HEAD TO TOE! I CANT EVEN PUT WORDS TO THE MEMORIES. THEY’RE ALL JUMBLED SNIPPETS, NOTHINGS CLEAR. ALL I GET ARE GLIMPSES, BUT WHEN I TRY TO PIECE IT TOGETHER I CANT. MY ANXIETYS THROUGH THE ROOF! I AM SO, SO ANXIOUS. I AM ANCI AND JITTERY, AND CANT SIT STILL FOR MORE THAN 5 MINUTES! HELP SOMEONE HELP ANYONE I NEED SOMEONE! I AM NOT OK!
So I am feeling so miserable right now. I have an awful headache. I suppose drinking coffee isnt helping it. Its more like tention in my head than an actual headache, but it hurts a lot.
Did I mention I hate headaches of any kind? Well I do.
Its at the front of my head, kinda at the sides too. Its a dull achy kinda pain, absolutely horrible.
I hope it isnt gonna last all night. I’m not up for that. And I dont wanna feel so sick, or vomit with it, so I am hoping I won’t.
Send positive vibes to me, I need them…
Its allie. for ya’ll who dont know me im 9. im realy sad. and kinda freakin out. i think eileen might be mad at us. but im scared to ask her!
see we was meant to go to therapy on monday, but we had a migraine, and felt overwhelmed, so liz texted eileen to tell her we aint going. she asked eileen if we can reschedule, but eileen said she didnt have another time available, but if she gets a cancelation shed get in touch with us. but i am gessing nobody canceled cuz she never texted us.
but the text she sent us back after liz texted her was real short, and not how she normally writes. so what if shes mad at us?
do ya think i should ask her?
i want to but im so scared of the answer being yes!
As the hot tea reaches my lips
I feel its Warmth
its so comforting
Slowly I sip it
and, it begins to ground me
anxious thoughts swirl around
my stomach clenches
intense feelings of overwhelm wash over me
an intensive pain
shoots through my body
like nothing I’ve ever known
I sit feeling dazed
wanting this overwhelm to end
when will this roller coaster of emotions stop
when can I get off?
oh guys. i got through work in one piece. but i am an absolute mess now. a train wreck. i feel so anxious. the other insiders are all feeling awful. there is a lot of internal chaos. inner turmoil, a lot of angry parts, sad parts, anxious parts. i wonder if i should call eileen. i think i probably should. i’ll wait for another little while and if things arent getting any better then I will call her. or text her and ask her if she can talk for a few minutes. i know if she’s able to she will. i am glad i managed to get through work though. at least i did something productive today. and i felt useful while i was working. and hearing some of my clients say how grateful they were for my call, and how i was so good to do what i do and spend time talkking to them, that was so nice to hear. makes the job so worth while. wish i just didnt feel so on edge, or so anxious. and unsettled. feeling really dissociative too this afternoon, like switchy, and spacy. dont know what thats about. i hope i start feeling less dissociative soon. not sure i can handle that level of dissociation for the entire evening. really do think its time to text eileen.
in fear and pain
its light out there now
as i make coffee
and face another day
This day will be ok
Not full of
Demons and trauma