Difficulties and challenges!

“No matter what kind of challenges or difficulties or painful situations you go through in your life, we all have something deep within us that we can reach down and find the inner strength to get through them.”
Alana Stewart

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Emily. I still feel awful

it me emily. im still feeling so so bad.
i hate feeling so bad. everything feels just awful.
i hurt all over. mentally, im hurting so much.
i still want to die. i wish i could disappear.
im a burden to everyone. i am not happy. people dont like you when your not happy. they think you are being negative. if i could i would be happy. i’d change how i feel in a heartbeat. but i cant.
i wish i could just shrink into a little speck of nothingness.
i am a nothing and a nobody. that is how i feel.
everything feels so worthless. i feel worthless.
pain is all i feel. emotional pain.
sadness, fear, guilt, shame, all of it, it just, feels awful.
hopefully after talking with eileen tonight i’ll feel better. i hope so. i am happy i get to talk to eileen. that is what is keeping me going right now.
butterfly hugs
loves you,
emily

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its me emily. I really want to die!

hhihihihii everybody
its me Emily. I feel so bad.
I don’t want to be here
I don’t want to be alive
I want to end it
I want to go away forever
I am so so scared
scared of my memories
scared of my feelings
scared of the abusers
I want to end it because I feel we’d be better off if I did
i’d be finally happy
happier than I am now
i’d be out of pain
there’d be no more pain no more sadness
we’d be at peace
I cant take it any more I realy cant
I hate myself and I hate my body
I hate how I look
I hate life
I just cant do this
im not going to do anything ok guys
I just feel like I want to
but im safe
I promised Eileen I wouldn’t do anything to the body
and i’ll keep my promise to her
cuz I don’t want to disappoint her
but it don’t stop me feeling like I want to
butterfly hugs
loves you
Emily

Bad day

Today is a ritual holiday. So its a bad day for us.

I’m sitting here, feeling terrible. I don’t know what to do with myself. I am trying not to think about what today is.

Its the fall equinox. I hate it. Everything about this date triggers fear and sadness, pain and upset in me.

I hope I can get through it. I hope we’ll be ok.

At least we aren’t home, so nobody can get to us. We’re at our parents house. We’re safe at least.

Safe physically, but mentally? Mentally we’re a mess.

So many emotions and feelings. So much chaos inside. So much overwhelm.

Pray, if you pray guys. Pray we’ll get through it.

carol anne

emmys email to our therapist

its me emmy im 8
im aprils best frend
you know today you said you love us and care about us? and when you hear we been hurt and how much it makes you care more?
well i need to ask you if you only love us cuz of our abuse? or if you’d love us even if we hadnt been abused?
it makes me mad when people only love us cuz we been hurt?
i want you to love me for me and us for us and not just cuz we got hurt
will you? does that makes sense?
will you love us just cuz like does there have to be a reason or you can just love us cuz you think we’re cool?
like i dont only love you cuz your our therapist, i love you cuz your funny, and nice to emily, and nice to april and nice to everyone of us that you meet?
and your smart and we learn stuff from you and i like that and love you for teaching us?
so please please just love us for other stuff and not cuz of the abuse?
love
emmy

A song I am relating to right now

This song I can really relate to. When I hear this song it makes me think of my abusers.

It makes me want to say, fuck you!

What do you think of it?
I think its a superb song!

Praying by Kesha