Big feelings

I am cloaked in pain
sadness
swamped and sinking
under its heavy weight
it feels insurmountable
like i’ll never recover
why does it have to feel this way?
so big, so painful
feeling so alone
I start to panic
can I do this?
Will I survive?
Or will the pain win?

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/cloaked/

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ITS LIZ AND IM HURT

OK SO I AM HURTING AND SAD AND FEELING FUCKING AWFUL. YES. AND I’D LIKE TO KNOW WHY PEOPLE ARE SO FUCKING INSENSITIVE.
THAT DUDE BANNING CAROL ANNE. HE THINKS HE IS GOD.
HE’S ACTING ALL POWERFUL JUST CAUSE HE OWNS A FUCKING EMAIL LIST.
DAMN IT ANYWAY. WORDS HURT. SEEING EMAILS THAT ARENT MEANT FOR US TO SEE THAT TALK ABOUT US AND ARE DEROGATORY FUCKING HURTS.
I AM PISSED. BEYOND PISSED.
IT MAKES ME WANT TO GRAB A STEAK KNIFE OUT OF THE KITCHEN AND CUT UP OUR ARMS.
JUST BECAUSE I AM HURTING, AND I CANT THINK OF SOMETHING ELSE TO DO INSTEAD.
SO I AM REACHING OUT HERE FOR SUPPORT. AND I THINK PEOPLE SHOULD BLOODY THINK BEFORE THEY SPEAK. BUT THATS ASKING TOO MUCH I GUESS.
IS ANYONE AROUND?
LIZ

A desperate cry

i’m drowning
in desperation
in pain
and grief
swimming, but sinking
a puddle on the floor
no will to live
no will to go on
clinging to shreds of hope
that some day
some time in the future
this will all be a distant memory

FUCK YOU ASSHOLE!

YES. YOU. YOU MONSTER. YOU FUCKING PIECE OF TRASH. FUCK YOU.

FUCK YOU FOR EVERYTHING YOU PUT US THROUGH.

I HATE YOU MORE THAN YOU WILL EVER KNOW. YOU ARE SCUM. YOU ARE THE LOWEST OF THE LOW. YOU ARE NOTHING. I HOPE YOU DIE A SLOW AND PAINFUL DEATH.

I WISH YOU SUFFERED THE WAY I SUFFER. COULD YOU HANDLE IT? DOUBTFUL.

YOU WILL NEVER EVER HURT ANY OF US AGAIN. I’LL MAKE SURE OF THAT. I’LL SMASH YOUR FACE IN IF YOU EVER TRY.

YES I AM HERE AND I WILL DEFEND OUR SYSTEM. I WILL DEFEND US FROM MONSTERS LIKE YOU.

FUCK YOU ASSHOLE!
LIZ

I hate her so much

I hate her. I hate eileen I hate her i hate her I hate her.
she gets us to trust her. then she abandons us.
I hate her! I want to scream!
I want to break everything in sight. I am not going to talk to her ever again! never ever!
And I am not going to let the younger kids speak to her either.
she makes me soooo mad!
she says she is there for us when we need her then she wasnt! ug this is shit!
total shit shit shit!
fucking crap i hate therapy and i hate our therapist and thats that.
sirena

Current mood

stressed out. fearful. worried. anxious.

remembering, not wanting to. finding it hard to ground myslf.

unable to wind down. cant go to bed unable to settle cant turn off my mind.

feeling apprehensive, overwhelmed, desperation…

wishing eileen had responded to emilys email. she hasnt, and probably wont. sometimes she is really attuned to us, however not tonight.