Hopeless

i feel sad and hopeless. my heart just hurts. someone please sit with me. i am scared. lonely and scared and sad and feeling afraid and alone and like its hard to breathe. i need a friend. i need someone to love me. i am remembering lots of bad things and feeling gross and disgusting and like i am bad and unlovable and like everyone hates me.
allie

Author: Carol anne

I am in my mid 40's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

23 thoughts on “Hopeless”

  1. No sweetie. No you’re not. I don’t think you’re yuck. I think you’re sweet and funny and kind. Not yuck. I think the people who hurt you are yuck, not you. Is Carol Ann able to take care of you and wrap you up in a lovely soft blanket? Get Nitro and give him a big big cuddle. I’m proud to be your friend. When Carol Ann called me her friend tonight, I was so touched. I don’t have many friends. Would you be my friend if I’ll be yours? xx

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  2. Good. Yay! I made a new friend 😁 seriously you’ve made me happy! I’m not joking! … See sweetheart? There’s a little hope. It’s not all bad. I know it hurts and it sucks and I get that way too but there’s hope. You have Eileen and Dr Barry and others who are helping you and they represent hope. It won’t always be this painful. I’ll hold your hand in spirit and I won’t let it go xx

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      1. I know hun. I feel similar. I wont sat I understand what your going through but I understand how I feel and its similar. There are times things are so dark and hard its like nothing in the world will stop the pain and anxiety. Like there’s no way out, trapped in what feels like and endless circle of dispair. But there is hope and love and a lot of kind,caring people out there. People need to stick together, even as strangers. ❤xxx

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  5. I can relate to the sadness and insecure feelings when those memories or flashbacks appear in my life. I can also relate to that overwhelming feeling where I can’t breathe. Here’s what I know. You are not bad. You are not disgusting. You are a beautiful child of the most high god. You are loved unconditionally by the very god who created you. In his eyes you will forever be perfect. You have a friend in Jesus. I get lonely at times however what I’ve learned is that my three best friends are me, myself and I. Me, myself and I think I’m pretty darn awesome. Get to know your “me, myself and I” but more importantly get to know your higher power. I refer to my higher power as god or Jesus Christ. Grab a bible and play a little “bible roulette”. Bible roulette meaning just open the book and start reading. It’s my guess when you do the passage you will read will speak to you in volumes. I’d like to also encourage you to forgive yourself. Love yourself and never allow yourself to give up. You’re already an overcomer. You’ve come this far. Just keep moving forward. There’s a rainbow waiting for you up ahead so don’t look back anymore. The past is gone. Close that door and look forward to a brighter future. Sending love and light your way tonight.

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      3. I know you are. I believe you. Might I suggest changing your vocabulary from “I am trying” to something more positive like “I AM winning this battle!!!” Say this every time you’re feeling down. Repeat it over and over until you’re not only saying the words, you’re believing those words too.

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  6. Allie, sounds like you had a rough night. I’m sorry that bad memories haunt you and that you have all these feelings. It would be good if you had someone to sit with you, it’s a big pity you haven’t. So instead I send you a lot of hugs and remember that you can always reach out to me if you need and want, any of you can. Even if I won’t be online at the moment, I’ll write you back when I will be. There are lots of people that are thinking of you and that are supporting you and thinking of you, so you’re not alone.

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