Poetry

it didnt take long
for you to break me
take my innocence
make me a puppet
compliant and mute
it didnt take long
for you to silence me
with your threats
it didnt take long
for you to batter and bruise me
so that i had to create
the only ones in whom i could trust
and confide in
it didnt take long
it didnt take long
and now the memories remain
they drive me insane
yes
it didnt take long at all
for all of this to happen

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poetry

my mind is stirring
my head is whirring
too many thoughts
I cant think
I cant deal
I cant feel
I am unable to cope
I am unable to do much of anything
I am unable to sleep
what is the next best option
who knows
i sure dont
i do know though
that it wasnt my fault
the flashbacks have hit
and i am thinking
i was just a kid
i didnt deserve this
anxiously i wait
for the memories to disapate

Poetry

My heart beats fast
I am sucked into the past
I kick, I scream
To no avail
I cant get away from it
I just have to sit with it
It threatens to pull me under
I fight to get back on even ground again
I count to 10
As i exhale
Breathe, I tell myself
Constantly reminding myself its over
I’m not back there
I’m here
Here in my house
with my dog
My stuff all around me
I am free
In the free world
and its 2017

Poetry

as i sit
my thoughts race
what is this place
is it a memory?
why cant i see
dissociated
complicated
i sit and wait
for what seems like an eternity
when really
its only a couple of minutes
as the flashbacks hits full on
i try to be strong
but fear gives way to tears
and i cry and cry
cant say i know why
memories of abuse sting
and i am contemplating
what to do next
and where to go with this

I’M JUST DONE GUYS

OMG I WANT TO RUN I WANT TO RUN AWAY FAR FAR AWAY I AM DONE I AM SOOO DONE I AM JUST SOOO DONE GUYS I CANT DO THIS IT HURTS I AM HAVING AWFUL FLASHBACKS THEY ARE SO INTENSE I AM TRYING EVERYTHING Sad smile NOTHINGS WORKING FUCKING HELL ANYWAYS Open-mouthed smile THIS SUCKS WHAT TO DO WHAT TO DO WHAT TO DO SPINNING SWIRLING WHIRLING TWIRLING AROUND AND AROUND HEAD SPINNING DREAMS TURN TO NIGHTMARES ITS JUST FUCKING UNBELIEVABLY INTENSE Sad smile XX

LIZ

I GOT THROUGH IT

I GOT THROUGH LAST NIGHT. I’M OK. I’M OK, AND TODAY IS A NEW DAY. I MANAGED TO SLEEP.
I REALLY THOUGHT I’D HAVE NIGHTMARES BUT I DIDNT. I SLEPT WELL. SO YEAH THATS A REAL POSITIVE. I’M FEELING WELL RESTED THIS MORNING. WHICH IS GOOD SINCE WE HAVE A BUSY DAY AHEAD.
TODAYS THE DAY OF THE FOOD HARVEST FESTIVAL. THE GARDEN AT THE BASEMENT CLUB IS OPENING AND WE ARE HELPING WITH DOING THE INFORMATION STAND. THEN AFTER THE EVENT THE COORDINATOR IS TAKING THOSE OF US THAT HELPED HER OUT FOR COFFEE AND CAKE.
IT WILL BE NICE. I’M LOOKING FORWARD TO IT.
COFFEE IS MY FAVOURITE DRINK. I’M FEELING PROUD. I TOLERATED INTENSE EMOTIONS, AND MEMORIES. AND I SURVIVED.
LIZ