We went back to therapy today. That went well. We worked on some stuff, mainly working with some of the teens. Missy whose 14 and Clara whose 15 both had time with eileen. I went in feeling ok, then all of a sudden I got very unsettled. I felt parts want to run, run away out of eileens office. I also felt parts being irritated, as some of the littles were crying, some of the teens were calling them babies, whiners, etc. It was not good. Eileen asked the teens to talk to her, at first none of them would. She said she wanted to speak with one or some of them. Eventually Missy came forward. They worked for a while with the feelings of irritation that she and other teens had. She kept saying that why are the kids whining, when the things they are crying about, we cant fix. We cant do anything about them. For example, being afraid of the dark, it gets dark every night, and whether your afraid of it or not, it still gets dark. That was her point. Eileen said that probably the kids were experiencing a memory, and this turned out to be true. but it wasnt just the littles. Missy said that she too felt memories surfacing at night. She said that she remembered being in Dublin, in the bording school, being in bed, and waiting for the inevitable to happen, waiting to get hurt. To be taken out of bed, and taken to the rituals, to be abused. She started to cry then. Eileen was so gentle with her, she gently soothed her and spoke calmly and softly to her. Telling her she was ok, and together they’d work on this and on the feelings this memory evoked for missy. They then got out the pulsers and did some EMDR, working on the memory. Missy found that hard. But she didnt object, she did it and I am very proud of her for that. Clara came and stood by Missy, Clara is 15 and Missys friend, Clara has spoken in therapy before, but today she felt very scared and she felt afraid to talk. When Missy started to open up, Clara tried to shut her down. She didnt want to talk. She wanted to keep everything to herself. She was fearful of what would happen if she spoke up. Eileen talked to Missy and her for a while longer. Eventually her fear lessened and she was able to talk. They then encorporated the sleep issues we’ve been having into the session too. Eileen asked Missy what belief she had about herself in the memory. Missy said she felt she was unable to control the situation, she felt trapped, and very unsafe, she felt like she was dying, and never going to get out. And when Eileen asked her what belief she’d like to have about herself in the present, she said she’d like to be able to go to sleep at night, feel safe going to sleep, feel like its safe to go to bed and go to sleep. So together they worked on that. Working to lessen missys distress withthe memory, working to bring her and Clara back into the here and now, into the present again, Eileen had them think of things they like to do now, in our life now. MIssy said she likes to watch greys anatomy on netflicks, and listen to music on spotify, so Eileen had her visualise doing that, and that seemed to work somewhat. We also worked with our body, Eileen said that Missy is holding the fear of being in her bed, waiting, and fearful, and holding that amount of fear in your body can cause all sorts of problems, when she let that go today during the session, a huge weight felt like it was lifted, but then we felt extremely tired, and drained. Eileen said we’d probably feel like that for a day or two, as we’d held this for years, she said to rest up, and let ourselves do minimal activities. So that is what we did. We rested for the afternoon when we came home. Now its late, we are up, but we feel less tired, and have more energy. I’m glad Missy got to talk. She needed it. We’re still working on the anger about the kids whining and crying, the teens are still irritated about that, but we’re working with them on it. I’m sure they’ll be less irritated in time, they are scared too, but just show it in a different way.