i wish

It be darina
and want to kno somfin
I wish I had reeces penut buter cups
I love them
and I don got any
no fair!
actuly I gots no candees here
boohoo
everbudy shud kno littles need candees
who liks penut buter cups
jus in case yu woner why I rit lik this
I am a insidr
in this body and I am six
six yars old
and dats jus how I rit
ok guys?
I like food all food
and sweets and cookies
and cake and stuf hahahaha
I wanna kno whose gona share ther candees wif me
it crismas
and I need some candys
haha
darina ballerina hoose six

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i am just so sad

i feel sad. i dont know why. i just feel sad. has that ever happened to you?

i dont like it. i dont like the way my tummy feels. or the way my heart feels so sad. sad and hurting.

i think i will cuddle my stuff tiger. she is a white bengal tiger. those are my favourite.

maybe if i cuddle her and wrap up in a warm blanket it will start to feel safe and i will start to feel better again.

allie 9

lazy sunday sleep, therapy and other random things

i feel like i have done absolutely nothing today. i’ve just been a lazy slob.

am I entitled to a lazy day? Rationally I know I am. I’ll be busy for the rest of the week. My weekend is my down time.

But I wanted to do college work this weekend. Its not like I dont have any to do, I have lots. I could be working on reading my two books, I have to review them, comparing and contrasting them. I am reading beautiful boy and tweak, beautiful boy is written by a father about his son who is a heroin addict, and tweak is written by the son, the addict.

I could be doing my community project review. Even though that has to be in on January 9th, and I have plenty of time to do it, I have none of it done. I should really get cracking on that. And or I could be doing my journal of learning for the addictions module part of my class. I am behind on that, too.

so yeah there is lots I could be doing. Instead I lay in bed late this morning…sleeping. It could be argued that sleep is important and I must have needed to catch up on my sleep. And yes technically I did.

It wasnt like I didnt try to wake up early. I got up at 6\:30 and showered. I fed and let nitro out. But then I went back to bed, I couldnt keep my eyes open. That was at 7:30. And I did not get up again until 10:30. And even then I didnt want to move from under the comfy duvet.

I pottered around the house, made a cup of coffee, check my email and downloaded some stuff a friend sent me. Then I got ready because my sister was picking me up at 1. We went to our parents for dinner. And I am staying here tonight. I decided after dinner I needed to go to the grocery store to get grease proof paper to wrap my xmas cake and tinfoil also to wrap up the cake. I also needed whisky as I decided to soak the fruit in alcohol before I put it in the cake. Overall it is costing me quite a lot to make the cake, the ingredients were about 30 euro for everything that I needed. I dont mind though and I am just so excited to make it and ice it. It feels like I am making a special contribution to our familys xmas this year.

I was going to go to my aunts tonight with mom, well that is if she is going, she doesnt know yet as she is waiting for my aunt to text her, but after thinking about it I decided I wouldnt go out, I am still tired and I just want to chill out and watch x factor and be lazy again, haha.

Therapy is tomorrow morning. Whatever happens I need to discuss the did reassessment with eileen. So I will plan on doing that, but I know some other insiders are needing time to talk also. Last night I ordered a book for eileen to read to the kids. Its called today I feel silly and other moods and its by jamie lee curtis. I think it will be good to have something new that she can read to the littles. The last book we got was called in my heart and was also about feelings and she recorded herself reading that to them and we have that and its very comforting.

She likes to read to the littles and they love it when she does that for them.

hi frum darina

hi hi evryone
i hapy today! kno why?
cuz the bigs got us pizza! and dat make me so hapy.
it is a meat feast pizza
it sooo good i had it before and i likd it
so we going have it dis wekend wen we wach x factor
dat wil be cool i fink!
i love x factor cuz i love singin
i wanna be famous some time all ovr yotube
hahaha i do mak videos so im alredy famous ha
dos anone else lik singin
or wachin x factor or the voice
love
darina i six

I want my therapy mom!

this is allie. well if you wanna you can call me licia or lish or ali or just trouble. haha.
i am so sad. i need a hug from eileen.
i need her to wrap her arms aroumd me and then i will be able to feel safe. safe in her strong arms.
i love to listen to her heartbeat. it sounds so sootheing.
it makes me happy and i feel safe when i hear it.
i dont feel my age. i feel about 6, or maybe even 5. my 5 year old needs hugs from mommy.
she needs to feel loved and cared for.
she is hurting. sad. alone. in pain. feeling abandoned and rejected.
she needs her safe mommy, thats eileen.
its the middle of the night here though, so even if we emailed eileen she wont get it. she wont see it. she cant hear our pleas for help.
she is probably asleep and in bed and me emailing her would probably bother her.
so i didnt email.
i just feel so sad. not sure what to do Smile
feel so unsure…crying…lonely…missing eileen…
Smile someone give me some ideas because I am struggling here…
x
allie

I just need to know she cares…

its emily again. i am so sad. i am hurting. i need eileen. i need her so much. i wish she knew i needed her. she’s probably still in bed. where we should be. i just need her to scoop me up in her arms. hug me and tell me its all gonna be ok, i’m gonna be ok. i dont feel ok. i feel sad. hurt. alone. abandoned. needy. vulnerable. lonely. so so lonely. i need her to reach for me. tell me how much she loves me. she doesnt say that to us. she has never said i love you. i wish with everything she would. maybe she does but she just doesnt say so. i want her to say it. i’m too scared to ask her. to scared in case the answer is no. too scared of her response. she says i can ask her anything. but can i? can i do it? ask her if she loves me and if i did, what would her response be? i need her right now i need a grown up to take care of me i need her wisdom and i need her love.
emily