Entertain

today I
https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/entertain/
thoughts of suicide.
I feel so low. its a far cry from how I felt an hour ago. I hate that my mood dips so suddenly.
it makes me feel so crazy.
why cant I be normal? I hate my mental illness.
I want to scream, scream until I have no air left in my lungs.
Anger overtakes me. Anger at the unfairness of it all.
Right now, I hate my life. I know this thought will be temporary though. I wont hate it forever.
I think I’d be better off dead.
Ok so I cant think that way. I need to try to do something to get that thought out of my head, otherwise I might act on it as I can be very impulsive when I am like this.
Ok, count to three. Breathe deeply. Go and find something to distract me.
Good idea. Thanks for reading.

54 responses to “Entertain”

  1. JL Avatar

    Hang in there, this mood your in will pass. I have been there. Look at the good, throw away the bad. Give it to God, and don’t beat yourself up.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. manyofus1980 Avatar

      Thanks, I will try, XX

      Liked by 1 person

      1. JL Avatar

        Prayers to you

        Liked by 1 person

      2. manyofus1980 Avatar
  2. Cyranny Avatar

    This is so hard to go through, even if you are aware it is only temporary… Hang on, there are better times ahead of you, and many people who care around you! *Love*

    Liked by 1 person

    1. manyofus1980 Avatar

      Thank you. It is so good to know that there are people who care. I am so grateful for all of you. 🙂 XXX

      Liked by 1 person

    1. manyofus1980 Avatar

      doing better. trying to relax and stay calm. not easy but trying. x

      Like

      1. stoner on a rollercoaster Avatar

        Want me to share some silly jokes??

        Okay. Here are some minion jokes:

        I start everyday with good attitude and great intentions. But stupid arrive from anywhere.

        If we are not supposed to eat from the fridge in the midnight, why there is a light inside.

        Your favourite food contains least calories when no one is seeing you eating.

        I feel so cheated when someone calls me ‘Normal’, ‘Gorgeous’ and ‘Sweet.’ But I am definitely honest.

        Like

      2. manyofus1980 Avatar

        hahahahaha I luove the last one!

        Like

      3. stoner on a rollercoaster Avatar

        Found another one..this one killed me 😆

        A wife goes to consult a psychiatrist about her husband: “My husband is acting so weird. He drinks his morning coffee and then he goes and eats the mug! He only leaves the handle!”
         
        Psychiatrist: “Yes, that is weird. The handle is the best part.“

        Like

      4. manyofus1980 Avatar

        ahahahahahahaha! hilarious! x

        Like

      5. stoner on a rollercoaster Avatar

        Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? 

        Of course, a house doesn’t jump at all!

        Like

      6. manyofus1980 Avatar

        the kids loved this one! xx

        Like

      7. stoner on a rollercoaster Avatar

        Ahahah i admire kid’s choice in jokes 😆😎

        Like

      8. manyofus1980 Avatar

        allie said to tell you that she loved the minions joke especiall this one. I feel so cheated when someone calls me ‘Normal’, ‘Gorgeous’ and ‘Sweet.’ But I am definitely honest.

        Like

      9. stoner on a rollercoaster Avatar

        Ahhahaa i love this one too. I actually do get offended when people me princess 😆 my dad calls me stoner and undertaker these are more relatable.

        Like

      10. manyofus1980 Avatar

        is that where the blog name came from? lolol

        Like

      11. stoner on a rollercoaster Avatar

        Yes!! I am not an actual stoner. I have never seen drugs in my life.
        My dad calls me stoner 😆 embarrassing but funny.

        Like

      12. manyofus1980 Avatar

        lol yes i knew you werent a stoner, because i think i read it on your blog? 😀 xox

        Like

      13. stoner on a rollercoaster Avatar

        Yea. I keep on explaining it.
        Sometimes i feel so stupid to put it in my blog name.
        Imagine me giving a job interview.

        Employer : what do you do?
        Me: i run a blog sir.
        Employer: whats its name??
        Me: i can’t tell you sir it has got an unfortunate name…

        Cant even flaunt it!

        Like

      14. manyofus1980 Avatar

        lol i feel ya. i couldnt tell them my blogs name either…therapy? you go to therapy? no job for you! your crazy! lmao

        Like

      15. stoner on a rollercoaster Avatar

        Ahahhahaha. One day i will change mine to zoo. 😆 that would sound more like my family blog!

        Like

      16. manyofus1980 Avatar

        lol, nutso! thats what i’m changing mine to, cuz my fams nuts! x

        Like

      17. stoner on a rollercoaster Avatar

        Ahahhaa. My famoly will actually leave me at a zoo if i change it to zoo.
        Now dozing off..
        Take care ❤🤗🙂

        Like

      18. manyofus1980 Avatar

        night! dont let the bedbugs bite!

        Like

      19. stoner on a rollercoaster Avatar

        A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.”

        The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.”

        Like

      20. manyofus1980 Avatar

        lololol! you crack my shit up girl!

        Like

      21. manyofus1980 Avatar

        Yep, tons, thanks! ❤ :-d xxx

        Like

      22. stoner on a rollercoaster Avatar

        I am here. Okay. Still hunting for jokes 😉

        Like

      23. manyofus1980 Avatar

        Love you stoner! xox

        Like

      24. stoner on a rollercoaster Avatar

        I am on it hun!! Wait for it!

        Like

      25. manyofus1980 Avatar

        Holds my breath, waiting…waiting…xox

        Like

      26. stoner on a rollercoaster Avatar

        This one is for nitro:

        What happens when you cross a dog and a cheetah?

        You get a dog who chases after cars a lot – and actually catches them.

        Like

      27. manyofus1980 Avatar

        hahahaha! if only nitro wasnt such a skittish dog!

        Like

  3. Suze Avatar

    and try to remember, suicide is a permanent solution to a TEMPORARY problem. You are so very obviously needed and wanted in this world. Stay.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. manyofus1980 Avatar

      Thanks suze. sometimes its hard to remember that. xx

      Like

  4. Joseph Emerson Avatar

    This too shall pass! Hang in there….

    Liked by 1 person

    1. manyofus1980 Avatar

      Thanks, I will ❤ xx

      Liked by 1 person

  5. short-prose-fiction Avatar

    Be good to yourself! You are a wonderful human being!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. manyofus1980 Avatar

      Thank you! 🙂 you are too kind!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. manyofus1980 Avatar

        ❤ xox I hope your having a good day

        Like

  6. flightlesswings79 Avatar

    I empathize with you. I know the dark fog you are in. Everytime I’m in it I have trouble seeing my way out… But I’m glad every time I escape. Hold on brighter days are coming.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. manyofus1980 Avatar

      Thanks, you are so sweet. I truly appreciate your kindness. xxx

      Like

  7. dronstadblog Avatar

    Hello there. I am sent by the Stoner. I am a member of her special unit. Support wingman and such. I hear we have a trooper that’s down for some reason. So here is what you need to do.

    First. I want you to pull yourself up. I know you can do it. Then, I want you to take some chocolate and stare at the Sun for a while. Fresh air is optional. A lot of liquid is recomendable, maybe some simple exercises are also on the “to do list”.

    Now, I don’t really know you, but I cherish life, so I am here to tell you that your life is worth of cherishing. (that sounded simple enough) If you are Stoner’s friend, you are mine too, you are a member of this community and there are people who like what you write here. Now, I am sure you already knew that. You can write fun stuff to. Summon it, be positive and good things will happen to you. (sounds like a movie quote, but the damn thing actually works)

    Now, second thing. I want you to write about the happiest memory you have, and then I want you to write another one and keep doing that until we all drop on the floor laughing. Hey, you want to get better, you have to act on that and turn this franchise around soldier. You don’t have a happy memory. No problem. Think of one and get your gears going. Soon, you’ll get better. Tried this many times. Works like a charm.

    Third thing…. I forgot the third thing, but you don’t really need one because you’ll get over this like a last year’s snow and make some people happy. Yeah, I want you to ENTERTAIN ME. I believe in you, soldier. Now give me your happiest memory, even if it’s a fictional, from a movie of borrowed from a friend. So you would know, I am waiting.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. manyofus1980 Avatar

      hello! thanks for the very kind comment!
      I’ll work on the happy memory! ❤ xox

      Liked by 1 person

      1. dronstadblog Avatar

        You better be. 😀 Seriously, write something happy. It just might flip this thing around. 😀 At least you can give it a shot. No harm there.

        Like

      2. manyofus1980 Avatar

        No, your right, i might write something about my cute furball of a dog…xx

        Liked by 1 person

      3. dronstadblog Avatar

        There you go. See, there are fun things to do. 😀 Why would you even think about some other stuff that have nothing nice as a product? Freakin’ live life the best way you can and screw other things. That should be your motto. 😀 Take care and really do a fun post. I am eager to see what will you write… Like seriously, I can’t sit still. 😀

        Like

      4. manyofus1980 Avatar

        I like that motto! way to go thanks for that!x

        Liked by 1 person

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I am currently raising money to pay for ongoing psychotherapy. I am a survivor of complex trauma, I have dissociative identity disorder, and complex PTSD.  Therapy can be very expensive.

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