Therapy Bits

I’ve been having manic thoughts and feelings. But just a splash. Just a touch. Hypo-Hypo mania. Certainly not full blown. However, I can more easily control the mania than the depression. The mania I can put a lid on it and keep it from boiling over. The depression I have to submit to it.

So it started a few days ago with that grand Idea I had of getting serious about my humour blog. Then I got the idea that I should be a white hat hacker (aka, ethical hacker), that spidered into just learning python. All of those thoughts didn’t happen in one day, they happened in a couple. Yesterday I started feeling "sinful". I wanted to do bad things, I wanted to get into trouble, I wanted to throw caution to the wind. I wanted to sign up for a dating site and see if anyone would be interested in having a trist. Today I’m feeling energetic, but not acting on it. I’ve managed to stay low-key. I do have plans to do some self care stuff tonight,. Like doing a face mask, washing my hair, maybe put hot oils in my hair, do some reading, writing, as writing is my go to thing to do when I am having manic thoughts. Writing is a kind of mindfullness for me. It helps keep me calm. It gives me focus. And I really enjoy it.

I guess I’m lucky that I have gotten to a place in my recovery that I don’t act on the manic thoughts anymore. I’ve gotten to a place where I accept the thoughts and I fight the urge that shoots through my body.

I am a bit edgy, so I took a Haldol to calm me down. Before that, I made a cup of tea.

Now I have to wait for the Haldol to kick in! Hope it kicks in soon!