Therapy Bits

I CANT GET OVER WHAT MY DAD SAID THE OTHER EVENING. HOW WE ARE NEVER HAPPY. IT HAS REALLY STUCK WITH ME. DOES HE REALLY THINK THAT? OR IS HE PROJECTING HIS OWN UNHAPPINESS ON TO US? I DONT KNOW BUT IT HURTS. IT STINGS. IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE SUCH A FAILURE. ALL I’VE EVER WANTED TO DO IS TO PLEASE OUR PARENTS. SOMETIMES TO THE DETROMENT OF MY OWN SELF AND SANITY. I DONT WANT TO DISAPPOINT THEM AND WHILE I DONT ACTUALLY REALLY GET ALONG WITH MY DAD MOST OF TH E TIME, I STILL LOVE HIM. I STILL CARE ABOUT HIM. I HAVE SO MANY MIXED UP FEELINGS. AND TO THINK HE THINKS OF ME AS NEVER HAPPY? I DO TRY SO HARD. I TRY TO BE HAPPY AND FOR THE MOST PART I AM. I MEAN I HAVE MY BAD DAYS. I HAVE MY UPS AND DOWNS, AND EMOTIONAL OVERLOADS AND OVERWHELM. BUT GENERALLY IM HAPPY. WE ALL IN OUR SYSTEM ARE. WE’RE HAPPY WITH OUR LIFE AND HOW IT IS NOW. IT WASNT ALWAYS SO..BUT RIGHT NOW IT IS. RIGHT NOW WE ARE FEELING CONTENT. I GUESS I AM WRITING THIS JUST BECAUSE I AM STRUGGLING WITH HIS PROJECTION OF HIS FEELINGS ABOUT US ONTO US. IT FEELS LIKE HE DOESNT LOVE US. IT FEELS LIKE HE’S ALWAYS SO CRITICAL OF US, HIS DAUGHTER. IT HURTS. IT REALLY REALLY HURTS. AND TONIGHT I DONT WANT TO FEEL THE HURT. I WISH IT WASNT THERE. I FEEL SO INSIGNIFICANT. I FEEL DEPRESSED AND VERY LOW. I HAVE AN ACHE IN MY HEART. AN ACHE THAT IS TARING ME APART.
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