Therapy Bits

Yesterdays therapy session was intense. I felt like crap in the morning. I was going through some memories as this time of year brings up a lot of stuff. I remember going in the taxi but I only remember part of the ride there. Eileen said a little was triggered out and we started off the session with a little present. After talking to her for a few minutes, and getting to the bottom of what was wrong, Eileen was able to ask for me and I fell into the body. My head was pounding, my chest and abdomen hurt. The pain was unbelievable. Eileen had me put my hands on the effected areas and just breathe into the pain, which helped a lot. Then we started processing some memories. I talked to her about the anniversary of when I lost my baby when we were 14. That was hard going. I felt a 12 year old insider close by, the memories were partly hers too. Eileen worked with both of us and I talked to the 12 year old part, I held her hand, I said I was sorry this had happened to her. Eileen asked me to get her to step back so I could look at her which I did. Then afterwords I told Eileen I saw her as vulnerable, scared, small…needing protection but she didnt have any back then. It was so sad and I felt like crying. After working for another while on those memories, we worked with the pulsers and did some EMDR. We stayed with the memories of the loss of our baby and tried to process some of them. But I kept dissociating. Then I got really emotional and we had to stop the EMDR. Eileen asked me to tell her what it felt like, an image, and I said my emotions felt like a tornado. So then she held my hand and helped me to come up with a safe place to go, away from the tornado. I chose my safe place to be my partners basement in her house, my partner lives in America. So we did a little more EMDr of me going to that safe place. After that we did a little more work with parts. I was telling Eileen that my mood was going all over the place, up and then down, daily. We figured out between us that there are two opposing parts, an up part and a down part. Eileen helped me to separate out from the parts and then I was able to see that they could offer things to the whole system…like for example determination, and stability. Its hard to separate out and not be right there in the midst of it but eventually I was able to do that by reminding myself that its 2015, its april, and I am ok and safe. It was a tough session and now Eileen is on holiday for a week. Today I see Dr Barry though. I have a lot to discuss with her.
Carol anne