Lexi here guys

hihi everybudy
i wanna come say helo. i having gud day.
the bigs drink coffee, i no lik it.
it yuck. tasts awful.
i lik coke but we can only hav diet coke now
that ok but we gots none at ar hous
i drinked the las one wif diner las nite
is warm here in ar hous
the heat is on
i lik to be all tosty
and warm and i going ask carol anne to mabe mak me som hot choclat
dat wil be nise
we hav ta go ote later on tho
the bigs going voluntering
i not do that it jus somfin tha bigs do
i go play insid when thay go do dat
i need get a new book for eileen to read us
mabe i go look in ar books
we hav a lot of kids ones
mabe eileen can read some of them to us
that wil be neat i think
i lik wen her reads to us
it fils safe safe
she records herself readin to
i lik wen her do dat
cuz then we hav it if we need hear her voise
wel i gots go now
tok to yu al later
lexi six

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i Filin sad sad sad

i filin so sad
everwhir hurts
i very sad today
not like be here at home alon
it skary
i siting wif liz now
her help me writ this
her is in a bad mood tho
grumpy liz i be callin her ahaha
ok i smild a litle now
but is skary be here
i be hear peple oteside
and i fraid
wat if someone com in here
in ar house
and someon go get me
no want that hapen
fraid fraid
fink i go colir now
mabe i can mak a art fing for eileen
miss eileen today
want her to be here
miss her voise and hugs
ok going go mak a picter for her
adelle im four

darina and I got hot chocolate

is me darina
in case yu dint kno
i be six yars owld
gess wat guys
i gots hot choclat
and marshmalows
i love it
carol anne maked it fur me
and im sharin wif lexi and taylor
thay ar both six to
taylor ben havin a hard nite
so me and lexi ben being nise to her
help her and be her frind
it fils hard when shes sad
i dont lik it
it maks me fel bad fur her
so mabe tha hot choclat wil help
i hope it does
it early mornin here
lik 6 am
we jus fed nitro
and let him oteside
hes all hapy now agin
a hapy puppy
darina ballerna im six

This is Sirena

im sirena, and im 13. I thought i’d write.

I am feeling like I want to cut. I didn’t, but I want to. it sucks. I feel frustrated and irritated. I want the kids to stop whining and crying, there really is no point to it is there? I mean, what is it going to fix for them to be so needy?

I cant stand it. the reason I cant stand it is this. when we’d cry all those years ago, no one came. no one helped us. no one cared. we were just left there, left to cry ourselfs to sleep.

it hurt then, and it still hurts now. but when the kids cry now, I cant stand it. I cant stand the noise, or the feelings it brings up for me. why have hope? hope is just stupid. I don’t have any hope. hope didn’t help me get through. I know some of us had hope though.

but tonight I just feel mad, mad, and angry. and I cant cope. and I want to scream. and I want the kids to just hush. shut up. please cuz its just grating on my nerves.

I talked to Eileen today. we had a good chat. she told me its ok if I don’t have words, I didn’t for a while. I couldn’t talk. I felt too anxious. too agitated. too overwhelmed.

eventually I did manage to chat to her. she knew I was struggling, so she made small talk with me for a while. that helped a bit. it meant I didn’t have to think about my feelings. or think about the kids whining and being upset.

I hate that they are so needy. I hate needing anyone or anything. I just hate it. I feel like we shouldn’t need. its not good. its wrong and it leads to more issues.

I’m just sad. sad and mad and angry. I just want a break from my emotions, and from my head. my head is a scary place right now. very scary.
sirena age 13

Emily, i feel as if I am gonna die

i woke up scared. i had a hard night. im not ok. i want need a hug. wish eileen was here. i feel so unwell.
my body is aching, all over. i feel hot and clammy and my head is burning.
and my chest is tight and it hurts. everywhere. it just hurts.
i feel like i am going to die.
butterfly hugs
Emily, age 12

Anight of no sleep

So its midnight. I am not able to sleep tonight. I think I been binge watching too much Netflix, lol. I am not able to switch off now. I was watching 13 reasons why. I watched one episode of that, and the other thing I was watching was fuller house. I just put on the radio, and turned off my tv. So hoping that is going to help. I have been reading email and blogs. That is keeping me busy while I cant sleep. I am anxious about therapy tomorrow morning. I know we have a lot to work on. Some insiders are really struggling, and we need to do some work with them to make sure they are ok and we don’t have a repeat of this weekend next week or during this week. I’d prefer to be stable if I could, thank you very much. So the plan is go in and work on some deep issues, and inside issues, and hope we can come up with some answers, and maybe a solution or two to the problem of memories hitting us hard, and overwhelming us. Other than therapy tomorrow morning, I have no plans for tomorrow. I am thinking if I don’t sleep much tonight, that when I get home from therapy tomorrow I can nap. I mostly always nap anyway after therapy. I am always so drained after it. I plan to come home, eat and then go for a nap and maybe read for a while. If this anxious feeling would just go away I’d be able to sleep, probably. I made a cup of hot chocolate for the kids. I can feel some of the youngest insiders in the system stirring. They aren’t feeling great tonight, so I made hot chocolate for them with marshmallows in it. That seems to make them happy so that is good. I am glad something is making them feel good. Well I’d better get going now, and hope I sleep soon.
Good night all!


it is me darina. hi everyone
it 3 am here
im wake
cant go to sleep
no like the dark
no like sleepin in the dark
we gots tha radio on
and nitro is snugling wif us
i like wen he comes be by us
it feels safe
carol anne let me hav two oreos
i love them
thay ar mint kind
yum yumy
anyone lik oreos? wat kin yu lik?
i like all kin of cookies
actuly i love all sweets haha
liz says wat kid doesnt
haha liz is funy
wel i gotta go now
i fink bigs want read for a whil
love you all
darina ballerna i six

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