Mentoring apt this morning

I am seeing my mentor this morning. Its good to have that extra bit of support. I am not sure what our apt will be about yet. What we’ll discuss during it I mean. I am just going to go in with no agenda and see what happens.

I really like my mentor. She’s really nice. She’s very open about her own struggles with mental illness too which is nice as it means I can relate to her better. I am glad she’s not afraid to talk to me about her own history. That allows us to bond more I think.

I hope our apt today is good but I am pretty sure it will be.

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Not a good night!

It looks like I am going to get no sleep tonight! I feel tired but my mind wont shut off. I am wired! I cant seem to wind down. Just my luck!

I will just stay up reading blogs and watching tv I suppose. I see dr. barry tomorrow, but its not an early morning apt. I don’t see her until later in the afternoon. I hope I can function enough to get there! Well I will go whether I got any sleep or not! I don’t wanna miss seeing dr. barry!

Its awful when you cant sleep! I hate it!

Is anyone out there reading this? Could use a hug.

Mobility assessment

Well, just got off the phone, had a mobility assessment, I need to brush up on my cane skills, and I had an assessment to see where I’m at, and how the NCBI which is the organisation here for people with sight loss could best meet my needs.

Turns out I have a new resource worker, I had one for years, but now she’s working with ageing adults, and this new girl is working with 18 to 65’s. So I will have to get acquainted with her. She seems nice, which is good. She’s young too which I like.

Anyway, she asked me a bazillion questions, all about my life, my mobility skills, my dog, my independence, my emotional wellbeing etc. She’s going to email the mobility officer now and tell her I need some training, she said there is a waiting list, but hopefully I wont be waiting for too long.

I have to do this, as Nitro is retiring at the end of the year. I’m not getting another dog, mainly because I want to keep Nitro until he passes away, and I dont have room for two dogs. I wouldnt manage two of them. Also I do want to brush up on my cane skills, learn some new routes, etc. So I hope that can happen soon. I was hoping that it would happen over the summer.

It was a good phone call though that we had. I think it was positive. Looks like it will work out for me which I’m very glad about.

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Missed dr. barry apt last week

We missed our apt with dr. barry last week. Felt too sick and couldn’t get there. We got another apt for next Wednesday, the 22nd. I’m glad we got it for that day as we need to also get our shot on that day.

I hate missing my appointments. I really should have gone, as on that particular week, Eileen was away on her weeks training. So I had no support and really could have used dr. barrys support.

Plus also, she always has good perspective on things. And I do have a lot we need to talk about. I need to talk about my low mood, meds, dissociation and depression etc with her. That is going to have to wait now until next week though.

Im sure it will be an eventful apt. It will be a lengthy one also I bet.

Its actually been or it will be by the time we see her next, 5 weeks since we’ve seen her, that’s the longest we’ve ever gone without seeing her since we started seeing her in 2013.

And I didn’t think we could go that long. I’m proud of us for getting through that many weeks without an apt with her.

Rain rain go away!

Its just gone 5 AM. I woke at 4:30. Its pouring down outside. Its rained all night. I fell asleep to it. Now I woke and its still raining.

The sound of the rain pitter pattering on my windows is nice. I like that I am inside listening to it.

I hope it clears up though before I have to go out! I debated whether to go to my dr. barry apt. I’m going to go. I just don’t want to miss it.

I don’t have to go see her until the afternoon, so there is plenty of time for the rain to clear up! I plan on having a leisurely morning, just relax at home!

No Dr. barry apt today

Well, it looks like I am not going to have as busy a day as I thought! Since I barely got any sleep only about 3 hours, I went back to bed!
Got a call from Karen who is dr. barrys secretary! Dr. barry cant see me today. She got called away apparently. Some emergency came up. Not sure what, but I am sure she’ll tell me next week.
This almost never happens. I think its only ever happened one other time in 5 years! So I know it must have been something big! She wouldnt do this under normal circumstances.
So we wont be seeing her today. We rearranged for next wendesday instead. Which now means my afternoon is completely free, so I am happy about that!
Im planning on taking it easy and resting!

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Dr. Barry apt. End of year reflections

Today was our last apt with dr. barry for 2018. It was a very full apt. I had a lot to discuss with her. I had to tell her a few things. Mainly about the fact that we’d made our statement to the police about the car crash we were in last October. Also that we’d had our medical for the injury board. We talked through all this. She said we seemed to be dealing with things well. I agreed that yes we are. I told her making the statement wasn’t actually that bad. My mom and sister both came in with us and the guard who took the statements was the one who had been originally on the scene the afternoon of the accident so he knew what had happened. He sorta helped us with the statements. She said that was good of him. We talked about our sleep, I told her its non existent. We’re basically just trying to sleep where we can, trying to get whatever small amount of sleep we can get. She gave me another prescription for more fenergan. She told me to please take it over Christmas, not to go for nights on end with no sleep. I agreed I would. I hate taking it because it makes me groggy in the mornings but I will take it over Christmas time if I have too. I will be doing less stuff over the Christmas period anyway so being groggy in the mornings wont really be an issue. I am only groggy if I take 50 MG of it so maybe the answer is to just stick to 25 mg of it. We talked about the loss of my client in friendly call to suicide. She was very understanding. I told her I keep replayihng our last conversation in my head. Wondering why I didn’t see the signs. Why I never saw it coming. She said sometimes you don’t. I told her that I thought since I dealt with similar issues that I should be more able to spot the signs. She said no. That sometimes there just is no signs. That I shouldn’t beat myself up about it. Easier said than done though. I keep going through all the what ifs in my head. What if we’d done this or that or what if we could have prevented it. I do realise we couldn’t though and that’s the hard part. We talked about thearpy and our last end of year therapy session. I told her now we’re on break for a few weeks. I was telling her how when I had found out about my client how good Eileen had been to me, checking in with me and getting me through it. We talked about the mix up around my appointments. She apologised for the fact that I’d had to deal with a totally new receptionist. Since they’ve moved, there are some new staff that have come on bord, who don’t know the way things work. I said it was ok. The fact is I’d gotten here and gotten in to see her before Christmas which is what I was hoping would happen. And of course she told me about dr. Lawler. Which I am deeply saddened about. She said he was going to be really missed by so so many people. I can see why. He was an incredible doctor, an incredibly kind caring man. Only 49 years old. Its just an awful loss to his family, a terrible loss. We also talked about us starting college. We’re going to be changing our apts to the afternoon in the new year. So that was the gyst of it. Another year of seeing dr. barry done and dusted. In 2019 it will be our sixth year of working together. I don’t know where I’d be without her. She’s such an incredibly understanding, kind, caring, compassionate person and doctor. She really gets up. She always validates us and our experiences and our diagnosis. I am blessed to have her as my treating psychiatrist. I am just so lucky and I realise that every single day.