So well, I went to see Dr. barry. But I didnt actually see her. I had to see a junior doctor, her name was Jennifer. She was extremely nice, very friendly. I never knw Dr. Barry wouldnt be there today. She didnt know either it seems. Jennifer told me one of Dr. Barrys team passed away suddenly and Dr. Barry was attending the funeral this morning, thats why she wasnt at her outpatient clinic. When Jennifer called me I first said to her that I wasnt going to see her. But then when she told me the circumstances and why she was calling me instead of Dr. Barry I decided I’d give her a chance. And I am so glad I did. It was so worth it. She said I didnt have to tell her stuff if I wasnt comfortable, that there would be no pressure and that I could just tell her what I wanted to, what I felt comfortable talking about. That put me at ease right away, so much so that I did end up telling her a lot of stuff. I told her about the abuser contacting us, and how distressing that was for me. She sympathised, and said how sorry she was that that had happened. I told her I had did, and she said that she had never met anyone with it, and she knew very little about it. But she was open, and she didnt try to stop me from talking about alters, about symptoms of did, etc. She let me say exactly what I wanted to say. For that I am very grateful. I told her about Emilys distress lately, about how she’s been throwing up after we eat. I’m not sure if I mentioned that here or not. I may have, but I am not sure if I did. So anyway, we talked about sleep, she was very interested in hearing about our sleep issues. We did ask her to refer us to the weekend team, but she said she’d need to ask the consultant who was covering for Dr. Barry. So she left the room to ask her, and I waited. When she came back, she said that they’d decided that on wednesday, she’d speak to Dr. Barry. Since she knows me, they wanted to leave it up to her as to whether she wanted to refer me to the weekend team. So she’s going to talk to her on wednesday and then if she refers me the team will contact me at the weekend. I said I was ok with that plan of action. I’d rather Dr. Barry makes the referral anyway, because she knows my history and she’ll know what issues to put on the referal form. I have another appointment to see Dr. Barry in two weeks. But Jennifer told me that if I did get suicidal or wanting to self harm, to either present to my GP or else go to the emergency room to be seen. I said I would. We did discuss suicidal thoughts, since we’ve been having those too lately. And since the contact last week, they’ve gotten worse. I told her I was seeing Eileen tomorrow, and we’ll discuss all of this stuff. Thank god for Eileen. Where would I be without her? I dont actually know how I’d cope. I probably would be in the hospital now if I didnt have her. She’s a life saver and I am so grateful to have her. I do hope Dr. Barry refers me to the weekend team. Or else maybe she’ll ask Sarah to call me. I wont know until later in the week what the outcome will be. But I am glad I decided to give Jennifer a chance. I’ve decided that she’s going to make a really good doctor. She seems so open and willing to learn. Thats how a doctor should be. Some arent though. I am sad we didnt see dr. barry today though. But that couldnt be helped. Usually if she wasnt going to be there someone would call me to let me know. They must have forgot. Its ok though, I managed, I am actually very proud of myself for seeing ennifer, that was huge for me. I never see junior doctors. That was a big step for me to take, but I’m happy I did it.
What a trip it was today with Dr. barry. A trip as in, A very funny session!
Me: to Dr. barry, By the way, happy anniversary?
Dr. Barry: with a confused look, huh? What?
Anniversary? What do ya mean?
Me: Well now, have you forgotten about it?
Dr. Barry with a nervous laugh, um no? but forgot what?
Me: Well, we’ve only been working together for six years! This month! So, happy anniversary to us!
Dr. Barry: Oh my god yes! You know Carol anne, I really think time speeds up when you get older!
Me: What’d’ya mean older? Your young!
Your not old not in the least bit old! Come on!
Dr. Barry: Well believe me Carol anne, with two boys who are now 7 and 9, I feel older every day!
And now it was my turn to gulp and say, 7 and 9? Omg! Are they that old now?
And after that the talk turned to the upcoming toy show thats going to be on our tv this coming friday. So will your boys watch it? I asked. No, she said, they both have plans on Friday night, they have hectic social lives, and, I am on call on Friday night, so the plan is to record it and watch it nearer to christmas!
And with that, we stood up to walk out and make my next appointment! Heres to six more years and then some, I said, squeezing her hand.
Yes! She said patting my arm. And by then we’ll really all be old! Well, at least me and you will!
Now now dr. barry, speak for yourself, I laughed, I plan on never growing up! Not if I can help it!
I have college this morning. I thought about not going, I woke up in a bad mood. But I decided I’d better go in.
I missed last week. I need to know what to do for the next assignment, and I kinda would like to get started on it as soon as possible, so as not to leave it until the last minute.
I have to leave college an hour early though. I am seeing dr. barry at 12 today.
I’d better start getting a move on to get ready, if I am leaving at 9, its 7:30 now already.
So I canceled my apt on Friday to get my nails and waxing done. I am going to wait another week, before having them done.
I’m going away to Killarney for the weekend, the week after next, and i’d like to have my nails done for when I go. So I will wait another week to have them done.
I haven’t schedult the apt yet though. I tried, but the store was closed, well it was 6 PM. I think they close at 6.
I’ll ring them tomorrow and schedule it. I hope I can get one on the 16th.
I have an apt with Catrina my resource worker at the national council for the blind in the morning. Its about employment, but I am not sure what we’ll actually be doing. I went to her a few weeks ago to do some work on job skills, and we did a personality test also. She didn’t tell me what this session is going to be about. all she said is, it will take an hour and a half. So I am wondering now what it will be all about. I am a little anxious about it if I am honest. I am still just getting to know her and its hard to open up to her. I don’t know her well enough to be totally honest with her, although I do try to be as open as I can be with her. And I did tell her about my mental health difficulties. I just hope that the apt goes well and is beneficial to me. I guess we’ll see in the morning. I hope I can sleep tonight, but right now I am thinking I really don’t know if I will or not. I am hoping I do though.
I am supposed to go tomorrow to talk to my resource worker at the NCBI, she wanted to meet me to do a skills audit, to see where my job skills are and what area I’d be best suited working in.
I think I’m going to put it off though until next week. I just have too much on tomorrow. I dont think its wise to overload myself.
We have my cousins wedding on Saturday, tomorrow morning I need to get my nails done, get my eyebrows and lip waxed, and then I need to go to my parents, where mom is going to put a color in my hair and do my tan. I’m just having fake tan on my legs. So all that will take up most of the day tomorrow I’d say.
Best to put off the apt with my resource worker until I can give it the attention it deserves.
So this morning, I went to meet my new resource worker at the national council for the blind. It used to be that I had a social worker there, but recently they changed their role and job description and its now called a community resource worker, I had one woman for years, but recently a new lady started and today was my first time meeting her. Her name is Katrina.
She was really nice. I had spoken to her on the phone a few weeks ago. The reason we met today is because I wanted to get mobility training, since Nitro is retiring at the end of this year. So I need to learn new routes using a long cane, as I am going to keep him and not get another dog just yet.
There is a process, an assessment process before you can get long cane training. So she needed to interview me to find out about me and find out my history and stuff. Plus also, she just wanted to meet me since she didnt actually know me at all.
The meeting went really well. We talked about a lot. I even discussed my mental health difficulties with her. I had told her most things over the phone but I hadnt divulged that I struggled with PTSD and did and so I told her that today. She was very understanding and I felt like she got it and I am glad I told her that I have mental health problems. It felt like I was being authentic and honest, real and vulnerable.
She said she was going to push my case up the list, and make it a high priority. There is a long waiting list for long cane training, but she said I should hopefully hear something within the next few weeks. So thats all positive. I am looking forward to getting started with the long cane training. Learning new routes, and building up my cane skills and confidence.
I’m glad we’ve met now. At least now I know her. And if I need her in the future I can call or email her.