Today was our last apt with dr. barry for 2018. It was a very full apt. I had a lot to discuss with her. I had to tell her a few things. Mainly about the fact that we’d made our statement to the police about the car crash we were in last October. Also that we’d had our medical for the injury board. We talked through all this. She said we seemed to be dealing with things well. I agreed that yes we are. I told her making the statement wasn’t actually that bad. My mom and sister both came in with us and the guard who took the statements was the one who had been originally on the scene the afternoon of the accident so he knew what had happened. He sorta helped us with the statements. She said that was good of him. We talked about our sleep, I told her its non existent. We’re basically just trying to sleep where we can, trying to get whatever small amount of sleep we can get. She gave me another prescription for more fenergan. She told me to please take it over Christmas, not to go for nights on end with no sleep. I agreed I would. I hate taking it because it makes me groggy in the mornings but I will take it over Christmas time if I have too. I will be doing less stuff over the Christmas period anyway so being groggy in the mornings wont really be an issue. I am only groggy if I take 50 MG of it so maybe the answer is to just stick to 25 mg of it. We talked about the loss of my client in friendly call to suicide. She was very understanding. I told her I keep replayihng our last conversation in my head. Wondering why I didn’t see the signs. Why I never saw it coming. She said sometimes you don’t. I told her that I thought since I dealt with similar issues that I should be more able to spot the signs. She said no. That sometimes there just is no signs. That I shouldn’t beat myself up about it. Easier said than done though. I keep going through all the what ifs in my head. What if we’d done this or that or what if we could have prevented it. I do realise we couldn’t though and that’s the hard part. We talked about thearpy and our last end of year therapy session. I told her now we’re on break for a few weeks. I was telling her how when I had found out about my client how good Eileen had been to me, checking in with me and getting me through it. We talked about the mix up around my appointments. She apologised for the fact that I’d had to deal with a totally new receptionist. Since they’ve moved, there are some new staff that have come on bord, who don’t know the way things work. I said it was ok. The fact is I’d gotten here and gotten in to see her before Christmas which is what I was hoping would happen. And of course she told me about dr. Lawler. Which I am deeply saddened about. She said he was going to be really missed by so so many people. I can see why. He was an incredible doctor, an incredibly kind caring man. Only 49 years old. Its just an awful loss to his family, a terrible loss. We also talked about us starting college. We’re going to be changing our apts to the afternoon in the new year. So that was the gyst of it. Another year of seeing dr. barry done and dusted. In 2019 it will be our sixth year of working together. I don’t know where I’d be without her. She’s such an incredibly understanding, kind, caring, compassionate person and doctor. She really gets up. She always validates us and our experiences and our diagnosis. I am blessed to have her as my treating psychiatrist. I am just so lucky and I realise that every single day.
I woke up at 4 AM. I got up since I wasnt able to go back to sleep. I did go to bed pretty early though I was in bed by 10 PM. And I slept so thats good.
I am seeing my psychiatrist this morning. I am going to get to the hospital early, so that I will hopefully be finished early, since I have that awards ceremony and lunch today with my friendly call colleagues. I am being picked up to go to the ceremony and lunch at 12:30. I need to get out of my apt with dr. barry quickly, as I need to go to moms, get changed and put on make up.
I am looking forward to the awards ceremony. It should be a good day I think.
I am going to stay in mom and dads tonight. Im not sure of what time I’ll get back to their house at, and it just doesnt make sense to go home to my own house after it. I have to go to the basement club in the morning, I have a meeting to attend there about lunch hosting, so I will go directly there from mom and dads house tomorrow, and then I will go home after my meeting, since I will have Amanda my PA coming on friday morning.
I am in a good mood today. Plus, another few days of Oct. have gone by. Yay. I am so glad. I’ll just be so glad when Oct. is over.
so we were meant to see our OT mark today. However that never happened.
It was because of the stormy weather. Traffic was bad and mark lives outside the city. He got stuck in traffic and he was going to be 40 minutes late for our apt.
So we said we’d leave it for another time. Probably in two weeks when I next see dr. barry we’ll have an apt then. I am ok with leaving it until then. There was no emergency nothing I needed to see him urgently about.
I had texted him to say I’d be late, but then he rang me when he was going to be so late coming in. He was so apologetic, but what can you do? You cant predict the weather.
After we hung up from talking he texted me to thank me. Sweet of him I thought. He said not having an apt today really took the pressure off of him so thats good. I’m happy I could help.
We’ll eventually meet up, and until we do I know if I need anything I can email him or call or text him. Just knowing that is enough and I am happy I can do that.
So I was meant to see my OT mark tomorrow morning. However we talked today on the phone. He had to cancel the apt tomorrow as he said he is going to be late coming in to work. He wanted us to have some time not just a couple of minutes. So we are canceling for tomorrow and we’ll have our apt next week instead. I’ll be going to the outpatients next week anyway, to see dr. barry. I also have to go up there tomorrow to get my shot. My trevicta shot. So I would have been going up there anyway, but its ok he canceled. I had texted him yesterday and asked him if he wouldn’t mind looking up info on panic alarms, you know, like a pendant I can wear when I am home alone, just in case I fell or had an accident or needed any help in an emergency. I don’t have one and I’d feel much safer at home if I did. I had talked with Eileen around this in session on Monday. Mark said he’d look into it for me and have info for me for next week. I’ll be anxiously waiting to see what he can find out for me. I don’t mind paying for the service if I have to. I have a friend and I think she has a pendant and pays a monthly fee, I’ll have to ask her about it. So now tomorrow all I need to do is go get my shot. I hope that goes smoothly. I hope I don’t have to wait around as I will have a taxi waiting for me.
I also saw mark my OT this morning. that went well.
We dont meet often nowadays. It was 3 months since our last apt.
He said he’s really proud of me. He said we dont need to meet as much now, since I am mostly doing stuff on my own initiative. He said I am making his role redundant.
He was joking of course. But it was nice to get the praise.
We talked about me finishing up the ILS course, and about my plans for summer.
I said I’d like to be less busy over the summer months. I want to take some time to just recharge my batteries.
He said he thought this was a really good idea.
I told him I was going to continue volunteering and going to the basement club. He encouraged me to do that.
In the end we decided to meet in a months time to discuss future plans and set some goals.
I told him I was thinking about doing a CE scheme, community employment scheme. But that I’d just gotten my disability payment sorted out and I wasnt sure because it was so much hassle if you decide to come off disability that doing the CE scheme almost didnt seem worth it.
but I said I’d decide nearer the end of summer what I was going to do.
If I dont do it, I will up my volunteer hours, and to be honest, I’m leaning more towards doing that.
It was a great catch up appointment though. Nice to catch up after a few months of not meeting
its morning already? I cant believe it!
I didnt want to get up! I was having a nice dream! And then my alarm woke me!
Ug! I got up at 6:45, stupid o’clock! I’m leaving in 20 minutes to go to the hospital for my two apts.
First I will see Mark my OT. Then dr. barry. I hope it wont be too busy up there. Well I’ll be first there, so I shouldnt have too much of a wait!
Ok better run and take my morning meds now. Will write about both apts when I get home!
I DONT WANT TO MEET THIS DAMN SOCIAL WORKER. I WISH WE DIDNT HAVE TO MEET HER. IM NOT FEELING GOOD THIS MORNING. NOT REALLY FEELING UP TO CHATTING. AND SHE’S NOT KAREN. AND I DONT WANT TO GET USED TO SOMEONE NEW. I WISH I DIDNT HAVE TO.
JUST EMAILED EILEEN. FEEL SO UNSETTLED THIS MORNING. REALLY REALLY NOT UP FOR MEETING MARY. JUST REALLY FEELING LIKE I CANT COPE WITH TALKING TO SOMEONE NEW THAT I DONT REALLY KNOW.
UG. I BETTER GO START GETTING READY SO I WILL LOOK PRESENTABLE.