so my aunt is slowly dying. the aunt i mentioned a few weeks back who has bone cancer. her body is slowly shutting down. she would not go to a hospice so she is in a regular hospital and its horrible. i have not seen her but i get updates from mom about her and she is having a horrific death. this morning she started seezing, the nurses say her brain is now shutting down, she is also hallucinating and calling out for people. she is unconscious all of the time now, there is no response from her at all. mom said she actually looks like a corpse in the bed. its so sad. if you pray please pray for her. i decided that if she passes i am only going to go to her funeral mass and ceremony. i wont go to the whole funeral, i dont like funerals they really trigger us, so i wont put us through that. i also would not be able to get the time off since i just started my ils course last week. i wish she’d have gone to hospice, she’d have gotten much better care and died peacefully in her sleep. she is on morphine tablets but if she’d have gone to hospice they’d have put her on the box which pumps morphine into the body on a constant basis. now she is really suffering. she was asked to go to hospice but she wouldnt. and her husband wouldnt let her go either. this morning when she was seezing he begged them to give her oxygen and get a member of her team to come see her. however the nurses said no, they said she is dying and they have to let nature take its course. they did ask a member of her team to come up to see her but they refused saying there is no more they can do. its all just so sad. her kids are both drug addicts which is even sadder. both of her kids are heroin addicts. so her husband has all of that to deal with too, which is why he didnt take her home to die. this morning i feel incredibly lucky to have my health. it really is a blessing.
carol anne



thats been me lately. i’ve been so healthy. eating right. exercising as much as i can. and i think I’m seeing results. I havent actually been brave enough to step on the scales yet. I’m going to give it a couple of weeks and then do it maybe after a month. today i exercised on the treadmill, and i also walked for 20 minutes outside. i’ll be starting to go to the gym again soon too, now that I’ve started my independent living skills course. gym time is part of our healthy nutrition and lifestyle module. i’m still not seeing my nutritionist. i still want to take a break from that intensity of apts every week for a while longer. i dont keep junk food in the house now any more. i eat a lot more fruit. i snack on it throughout the day. if i do crave chocolate i eat a fun sized candy bar. that kerbs my craving. i have switched my bread to brown instead of white. just little changes. baby steps. its all progress.

update on dads health

dad got a letter today in the mail from his gastro doc. she wants to do the test where he has to drink barium is that how you spell it? anyway, he has to drink it and then do some other stuff, to see how his bowel muscles work. the thing is, he’s tried to have this test done twice already. and they didnt do it because he was in a flare up at the time. it hasnt gone away. he’s been in a UC flare up for weeks now. does anyone know if UC flare ups actually stop? or are they constant? i wasnt sure. anyway. he is supposed to have this done on november 2nd. he wants mom to call them today, again, typical man cant call himself to talk to them but yeah, he asked mom to call to see if they really want him to come in or if they just made an error in sending out the letter.
whatever happens, i hope his flare ups lessen soon. he’s in an awful amount of pain. he’s also supposed to start injections for his brittle bone, he takes meds already for it but the doc wants him to also be on injections. he hasnt started them yet, and when i asked him this morning if he thought he should ring his doctor, he was like no. so where do you go from there?
sigh. men!

Healthy recipe-Red white and green salad

Red, White And Green Salad
1 pound small red potatoes, cooked and cubed
2 large tomatoes, diced
1 pound fresh green beans, cut into 2 inch pieces and cooked
7 tablespoons olive or vegetable oil
5 tablespoons white wine vinegar
3/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon pepper
In a large bowl, combine potatoes, tomatoes and beans. In a small bowl, combine remaining ingredients. Pour over vegetables; toss to coat. Refrigerate for several hours before serving.
Makes 8 to 10 servings.

Feeling Proud!

I feel so proud of myself. I pushed myself to exercise. Part of me wanted to veg out on the couch and not do it. But I pushed myself, I did it. And now I feel great. The endorphins are rushing through me right now hahaha. It feels so good.

Weigh in!

today I had a weigh in. it was unplanned. my nutritionist was at work, but I wasnt supposed to have an apt with her. i was seeing my cpn and texted her to ask if she was free, i really wanted to have a weigh in to see if i had lost anything.

she texted back saying she was free for a couple minutes and said she’d come get me in about 20 minutes. that suited me as it gave me time to finish up with my cpn.

when we got to her office we chatted for a while first. i told her i was using my fitness pal. she seemed to think that would be a good thing and told me if it was helping me to keep going with using it.

we talked about goals for the week. i told her i hadnt exercised much this past week, not at all hardly. and i havent been drinking water either. she told me to try to start to do these things this week and to also use lecothin granuals.

then the dreaded moment arrived. she got out the scales. i stood on it.

101 kg, 223 pounds. oh no. same weight, again. no weight loss this week. this is the third week, how frustrating.

i was really disappointed with myself. She told me not to worry. that it could be due to constipation, or lack of exercise, or no water intake, etc. try harder for next week was all she said.

and i’d been sooo good this week!

I’d had no chocolate, no crisps, no biscuits, no sweet things at all. I’d eaten plenty of fruit and veg, I’d had 3 healthy meals a day and hardly any snacks. And still I wasnt down.

I guess allI can do is try again next week.

Have you ever been stuck at a certain weight for more than a week? What did you do about it?

15 minutes

thats how much exercise i managed today. not a lot in the grand scheme of things, but i am still proud of myself. i was feeling like i didnt want to exercise at all, but i pushed myself and i went on the treadmill. i put on my apple watch, set my workout ap to an indoor run and i did an intense 15 minute jog on the treadmill. my speed was about 5 and my distance was 1.4 KM not sure what that is in miles. when i finished i felt really good! hot, sweaty but so so good. i’m going to do the same thing again tomorrow morning. sometimes its hard to get motivated but once i did it was a great success.