The crap feeling continues

Well, I still am feeling really bad this morning. I ended up going to bed at 7 Pm last night. I read my book for a while, cuddled with nitro, and then went to sleep. Surprisingly I did sleep. I slept well and didn’t wake until 8 this morning.

Despite everything I decided I am still going to go volunteering today. I need to be out of the house. Going is going to help me I think. Helping others distracts me from my own thoughts. And it feels good to actually be helping others.

My supervisor is going to pick me up at 1:30 this afternoon.

I just wish my mood would lift a little. I really am feeling awful. I feel tense, anxious, and overwhelmed.

Its a horrible place to be in. Thanks to everyone for all of the support. Your all amazing and I truly appreciate it.

Working an extra shift today

going in to friendly call today to do an extra shift. they’re short staffed so we said we’d help out. looking forward to going in to the office, i really enjoy the work as you know so it will be cool to be in there and helping out.
being picked up at 2 pm by my supervisor.
Love the banter in the office, my colleague trish is cool and makes great coffee.
will enjoy getting out. we woke up feeling bad so…yeah will be good to be out of the house for a few hours.

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Eileens so good to us

Eileen is so amazing. She has been so supportive to us while we were in the UK.
She said before I went that I could text her. So I did. I texted her on Sunday night, before I went to bed. I told her about how much I was struggling. I wasnt looking for a response, I was basically just sending her an update.
On monday morning, the day of the funeral, she texted me a sweet message, saying that she knew I was on route to the funeral now, but that she was sending me her love and support, and telling me that if I needed to talk to her to call her, that she’d be available at 10 Pm that evening, as she was teaching a class that evening.
I was so grateful for that supportive message. I read it when I got back to the afters of the funeral. I was so touched by her sweet message, I felt so cared for by her.
And we did talk that evening. I rang her and we talked about the day. She was still in college when I rang, but she still took my call, we talked for about 15 minutes.
She told me to try to practice self care, and to take good care, and if I needed to to just send her another message, but I didnt have to do that. I figured I could wait until I saw her to talk to her.
I feel so blessed to have such an incredibly caring therapist. She really is such a sweetheart to do all that she does for us. We appreciate her so, so much.

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SHE’S NOT DRUNK, THANK GOD!

WELL OUR AUNT IS NOT THAT DRUNK, TIPSY YES, BUT NOT OVERLY DRUNK. SHE HAS BEEN DRINKING THE VODKA SHE BOUGHT. BUT SHE’S ALSO BEEN EATING, WE HAD DINNER, SO THAT HELPED. SHE’S IN THE SHOWER NOW. AND SHE SEEMS FINE. SHE IS NOT TALKING SHIT OR BEING WEIRD OF RUDE OR ANYTHING. I’M SO GLAD. I’M GLAD SHE SEEMS OK. WE HAVE BEEN TAKING BREAKS FROM THE FAMILY ALL DAY, EVERY SO OFTEN WE GO OUT OF THE ROOM AND UPSTAIRS TO THE BEDROOM TO READ, OR WE GO ON OUR LAPTOP, OR CALL A FRIEND, IT IS HELPFUL TO BE ABLE TO DO THAT. IT HAS SAVED OUR SANITY. WE HAVENT DRANK AT ALL DURING THE TRIP. OUR MOM WAS JUST UP HERE WITH US, SHE WAS PACKING UP OUR CASE TO GO HOME TOMORROW, WE’LL BE LEAVING THE HOUSE AT AROUND 1ISH TO GO TO THE AIRPORT. I HOPE MY AUNTS HUSBAND DOESNT SUSPECT ANYTHING IS UP WITH HER. SHE’S BEEN MIXING THE VODKA WITH COKE SO THAT IS HELPING. NORMALLY SHE’D DRINK IT RAW AND STRAIGHT WITH NOTHING IN IT. THE FACT SHE’S MIXING IT IS GOOD, AS THERE IS LESS OF IT IN THE BOTTLE. IF HE FIGURES OUT SHE HAS IT THERE WILL BE WORLD WAR 3. HE HATES HER DRINKING VODKA, SHE ISNT REALLY ALLOWED IT IN THE HOUSE AT ALL. SO ALL IS WELL AND WE’RE OK SO THATS THE UPDATE ON THINGS.
LIZ

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college worry all sorted

So I’ve sorted out about my presentation. Remember I said we wouldnt be able to do it? Because of being in england at our cousins funeral?
Well, I had emailed two of my lecturers, the one whose teaching us and marking the presentations and also I had emailed my course coordinator. They hadnt gotten back to me.
Then this morning by chance, the coordinator was actually there. She was teaching us today. So I mentioned to her that I wasnt going to be there next week, I explained why, and she said that was fine, that I could do my presentation the following week.
I am so relieved! I was thinking I may lose out of marks, and get a lower grade, the presentation is worth 25 percent of the grade for the entire module. So I am glad I can now do it on the following week. Thats a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders.
And one less thing to be worrying about. She said she had emailed me back, but I never got it. She told me to text her rather than emailing, as she answers texts quicker.
Good to know I guess.
I’m just glad its all sorted now. What a relief!

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it is emily

hhihihihii everybody
its me em. how are you all?
im doing ok I guess
I’ve been feeling emotional tonight
im worried
im worried about going to slimming world
weight and numbers and food and eating all scare me
I want to be thin
but I think we’re not doing enough
I don’t think we’ll be down any weight tomorrow
I feel triggered just thinking about going
but we do need to go
we haven’t been to our group in two weeks now
our consultant texted us last night to ask us where we’ve been
and if we’ll be coming back
I don’t feel very strong this week
not when it comes to food and weight
I feel like if we’re not down i’ll fall apart
I so want to be down a few pounds
any amount will do
if its only 1 pound i’ll be happy
im going to try to not think too much about it
if I do i’ll want to starve myself
that’s not good I know
we had a nice healthy chicken stir fry for dinner
our sister made it for us
it was so yummy
we’ve been pretty good this week
we haven’t had much bad stuff like crisps and chocolate
maybe we’ll be shocked tomorrow night
maybe we’ll actually be down some weight
hoping for the best
butterfly hugs
love
Emily