so without going into to much detail, something has just really triggered me.
I’m trying to ignore the trigger. I’ve turned on Irelands got talent and am watching that. Trying to stay distracted.
Not sure its really working but I’m trying at least.
My thoughts are a bit all over the place though. Moods going haywire. Up and down and all around.
I just hope this doesn’t last too long. Damn triggers. I hate them.
my mom is in the ER. She has COPD and she had a couple of breathing attacks today so she went to her gp and the gp gave her steroids. She’s had two courses of steroids over the last month. Anyway when she came home from the gp’s she went to try to do her grocery shopping with my sister. But when she got there she started to have another breathing attack. So my sister took her to the ER. I think she’ll be there a while, she said they are very busy. I’ll update as soon as I have news but would appreciate if you’d pray for her.
if you pray please pray we can go to therapy tomorrow. we dont wanna miss our session. but it will be weather permitting. if the weather is really bad in the morning, we are gonna be stuck at home, because we live on a hill, and no taxi’s will be able to get to us to take us to see eileen.
anxious and hoping for the best…
kinda stressing a little about it…
yes. with force. it was too good to be true that it might have disapated. now i feel more anxious than ever.
i’m sitting here shaking. trembling all over.
i cant seem to stop it. not sure what has brought this level of anxiety on tonight.
i dont feel triggered. i’m not remembering any horrific thing right now. so why?
it doesnt make sense. has anyone ever experienced a high level of anxiety but you dont know why your experiencing it? you cant seem to figure the cause out?
One get healthy. Lose weight.
To work hard in therapy on healing.
Do more self-care things, learn to take better care of my physical, mental, and emotional needs.
Continue building friendships.
Work on feeling my emotions, really feeling them.
Complete my addictions college course.
Complete the independent living skills course.
Be more mindful
today i saw dr barry. it went well as it always does. i was glad i got to see her. i had to cancel last week due to my aunts funeral, so i didnt see her last week. we talked about my aunts funeral today. and we talked about my really bad anxiety. she was curious as to why the anxiety was so bad. she wanted to know if i knew the link. i didnt really know. i took a guess and had a bit of a clue but am not sure or fully convinced. i told her i hadnt been sleeping well either. monday night being an awful night. last night was ok though, i told her it flucuates, i can sleep good for two or three nights, then i’m back to not sleeping again. its so frustrating. she did not really give me any new suggestions, just said we’d keep an eye on things. that will do for now. i still need to talk to her about meds, about the med for ptsd and night terrors. i havent done that yet. i forgot today. we talked about our assessment coming up on december 8th. i told heri had asked mom if she wanted to go but that she’d said no. she said she thought my mom found it really difficult to say things to me, and so it was probably hard for her to admit that she couldnt cope with going to it. i thought that is probably true. i also told her about saying to mom last night while we were on the phone, at the end of our conversation, i love you, and mom never said it back, but then when we hung up a couple minutes later a text came in and it said i love you too. i guess she couldnt verbalise it to me on the phone, it was easier for her to write it in a text. dr barry told me there is now a new social worker, to replace karen. her name is mary. i asked her if she is young or old, she said she wasnt as young as karen, but she wasnt that old either. she said she is a little overwhelmed having just started this week, so could we wait a week or two to do introductions. i said sure that’d be ok with me. we also chatted a bit about therapy. over all it was a very good session. it felt so good to see dr barry. safe, familiar, and most of all validating.