I will not try to predict the future!

Well today Nova has given us the word vatic, google told me it meant describing or predicting what will happen in the future.
I do this a lot! I am forever trying to see into the future!
I know I shouldnt, I know I should live in the now. And actually, today in therapy we talked a little bit about that. We were discussing going for the smear test, and Eileen said to me, its a very present day thing, its happening now, and even though there are insiders in your system who are remembering things from the past, abuse from their past, that we need to live for now, be in the now, and having that test today was very much in the here and now!
It was my 39 year old self doing that!
I didnt try to predict what was going to happen after the test, eileen said we needed to break it down, into two parts. having the test today, and the results of it which I will get in a few months. No one knows what those results will tell me, there really is no point in trying to be vatic, I should just wait and see what happens!
I can do it! I am not going to think about it now! I will just go on with my life, and not try to foresee the future ahead of me!


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Worrying, worrying

I’m a little worried tonight. My periods got heavy again. They had lightened a little, but today they are heavy again. So I rang my gp. He was supposed to call me back, he never did. I want to ask him how come I am now getting a period, when my ovaries are gone, and all that’s left is a minute bit of ovary tissue.
Its very strange, I hope nothings wrong.
I just want to query it. Better safe than sorry, right?
Now I’ll have to wait until Tuesday to call again as Mondays a bank holiday here! I wish I didn’t have to wait all weekend. Maybe I can do a little googling.
Does anyone know anything about if your ovaries are gone and all you have is a tiny bit of ovary tissue, if that can still make you have a period?
After 5 years of no period?
It seems odd to me!

:-( arg!

1 hour! That’s all I got! 1 damn hour of sleep!
I woke up almost as soon as I went to sleep! The hour I got, I slept well though. It was a solid hours sleep!
One hour! Omg!
I feel defeated!Why cant I sleep?
This totally sucks!
Now before I went to bed, here is what was in my system…
4 mg of prazosin, 25 mg of fenergan, 850 mg of depokate, 250 mg of Keppra, and 500 mg of metphormin!
And here I am an hour and a half later, wide awake!
Can you believe it? I cant!
What do ya think of that!
I think its extraordinary!

The morning from hell

yesterday I had the morning from hell. My PA amanda never showed up. Its totally unlike her to do that. Apparently she’s out sick still, but the office didnt know that.

I’d been trying to reach her unsuccessfully. So at 9:30 I rang the office. I had grocery shopping to do, so I needed someone to come over.

They did find someone for me, her name was katie, I didnt know her, had never met her, but I had no choice, she had to do it if I wanted my shopping done.

Anyway it turned out she was nice, I liked her. And I did get everything that I needed to do done.

It was stressful though. Very stressful. And it totally wiped me out.

In the end after katie left, I took a haldol and went to bed. I was too upset and stressed to go into work.

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Healing thought. Worry about the future

It is difficult to live in and enjoy the moment when you are thinking about the past or worrying about the future. You cannot change your past, but you can ruin the present by worrying about your future. Learn from the past, plan for the future. The more you live in and enjoy the present moment, the happier you will be.
Roy T. Bennett

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The shower heals me

I love the shower. It is so healing to me. I just had a nice long hot shower, and now I feel so fresh, clean, and I am feeling more able to cope with things.
Do you like the shower? I love letting the warm water flow over me. It just feels so good, so, so healing. I love thinking about all of my worries being washed away. Eileen told me to have my shower before bed, so that is what I did tonight. I am planning on laying down in a little while and trying to rest, maybe read, but resting even if I am not sleeping.
I took my night meds, I didnt forget about them. I put a reminder in my phone. it seemed to work thankfully. Now I’ve taken them and dont have to worry about it again until tomorrow morning.
Its 10 Pm now. I have done all of my self care things. After my shower I clensed and moisturized my face, I need to take better care of my skin, so I am trying to do that twice a day now. I have been saying I will for a while now, but I never got around to it. So now is my time. My face feels so soft now. It feels good: 😀
Well I am going to get off of here and go read. See if I can get through another few chapters of my book. I might be back later on. Or I might not. Who knows.

Eileen got home safely

She’s home! She texted us to let us know. Yay! I am so happy! I was worrying and now I dont have to! I am glad she’s safe!

I always worry when she’s gone! So happy she’s back now! Feels so good!

Cant wait to see her tomorrow! I want a big hug!
butterfly hugs
Em, xox ❤

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