who I would be
If you hadn’t hurt and abused me?
If you hadn’t tormented me
Taken my childhood away from me?
I wonder, who I would be
If my dreams weren’t shattered
If I mattered?
If the parts of my life weren’t scattered?
I wonder
who I would be
If I didn thave a did diagnosis
If I didn’t have a mental illness?
I wonder
What life would be like
what my future would hold
If I had not had to grow up fast
and try to forget my past
I wonder?


Get to know us. our early life

a little about my early life…
i was born 13 weeks premature, my mom was only 17 she she had me.
i was in an incubator for 3 months, and had very limited contact with my parents, i weighed 2 pound 8 ounces at birth.
we lived with my dads parents and siblings for the first 2.5 years of my life. they are all alcoholics, and a lot of abuse took place when we were living there.
there was fighting, violence, emotional abuse. it was not a good atmosphere to live in.
our mom always says she was terrified living there, she had no alcoholism in her family, so wasnt used to that kinda atmosphere.
at age 2 we got our own place, and we moved with our parents to our own house. life got a little easier then. for a while at least.

A victim of sexual abuse

Tears are always running down my face
I hang my head low thinking “what a disgrace?”
The tears are coming from all the damage you caused
What do you want now, a round of applause?

I’ve watched you rape and molest me right before my eyes
Now the only thing left to do is cry
You stole my virginity without my consent
PLEASE tell me why this is the way it went

All I wanted was for you to get off of me
But getting you off of me just wasn’t that easy
You hit me in my face then ripped my shirt
Then you pushed it in to the point where it hurt

I remember it like it was yesterday
Answer this, will I ever forget about this and be okay?
The thoughts are crucial & all I can do is cry
Sometimes I just think then ask myself “why didn’t I die?”

The bastard didn’t care if I lived or if I died
All he cared about was being satisfied
I feel dirty, I feel low, I feel used
I’ll always know that I’m a victim of sexual abuse!


Today I ask why

Why that man picked me

Yes Im asking why

Why could he not see

The pain and the suffering

That he would cause for me

Its just one thing after another

Its this nasty mind of mine

Memory after memory

You were way out of line

Why sir did you break me

For your own delight

Made me a target for others

Whos minds were not right

Wrong enough to hurt me

Until I couldnt take much more

Made myself a family

And to others shut the door

I have my help my system

Always there to say

Come on we can do It

Several times a day

You dont know how you scared me

Each time you came near

Even hurt me now

Enough to shed a tear

Today I really hate you

For that I dont ask why

I know its cause your sick inside

And you fucked a child dry

I cried til i could cry no more

After what you did

I cried because you made me hurt

In your perverse desperate bid

Your bid to fulfill your fantasy

Without any thought

No thought for my feelings

And from that you taught

Taught me to be tough

Not take any shit

Say no to perverts

Sick and twisted dicks

I hope you die you bastard

And I hope it hurts like fuck

Oh and I just want you to know

That what you did fucking sucks.




it’s knowing how hard life can be

and knowing before the age of three

its being rejected before you can speak

and living by it week by week

no hugs, no tickles, no high fives

nothing to show you exist, your alive

you cant be stirred from your bed

you are trying to get the nighttmare out of your head


i do not
you to
inhabit my dreams
you cause me to scream
each night
with fright
bad dreams
of you
and i thik they’ll
come true
but i do not
you to come anywhere
near me ever again
you stole enough from me in childhood
no more
i do not permit
you to
watch me as i flourish
and start to feel
oh, no