crying spells and inner turmoil

i spent an hour earlier just crying. the flood gates opened and i couldnt stop. and now i dont feel too good. i thought the tears would help me feel somewhat better. but all it did was make me feel like a failure. i should be strong. i should be able to cope. i should i should i should. thats all i keep thinking. why am i like this? the little parts are so anxious and fearful. we’ve been thinking about our mom. and are worrying about her now again. i started reading to try to distract. i am rereading a cathy glass book called the saddest girl in the world. its an emotional read but i love her books. i read two chapters. it did take my mind off of my worries for a while too so thats good. the little parts are really feeling like they need to talk with dr. barry this morning. probably they wont, but just being in the same room with her will help them. she is not opposed to talking to them and has done in the past. but mostly i come out or liz does. we are the two she most talks to of all of us. i am hungry but i dont know what to eat. i am thinking maybe i’ll grab something on my way to dr. barrys office. stop off and grab something. thats if i get a taxi driver who knows me. ok better go ring my mom and check in with her. see you all later.