working on us week 13, sleep issues!

tonight for beckys working on us prompt, I am going to write a narrative, not exactly following the rules, but oh well. It is what it is, I just felt like writing down my thoughts on sleep and the issues surrounding it.
I dont sleep well at all. I suffer from dreadful insomnia. I also suffer from racing thoughts and super bad anxiety at night. I get intrusive flashbacks, nightmares, and really worrying thoughts, my mind goes 100 miles a minute at night. As soon as it gets dark, it starts. If I get 2 or 3 hours of sleep at night, its a lot. I do get a good night every now and then, but I have to be extremely exhausted for that to happen. Usually after 3 or 4 days of little to no sleep, I will crash hard, and it catches up with me.
I’ve tried a lot of things to help me sleep. Usually when I am unable to sleep I will write, I listen to music or watch tv or I read. I also sometimes take a hot shower, showering helps me calm down, and whenI write or journal it is theraputic.
I do take medication also to help me sleep. It mostly doesnt work though. I take fenergan and prazosin although the prazosin is going to be a no go soon and so I will move on to another med instead.
My symptoms always seem worse at night. I wish this wasnt the case. I know sleep is important so I do try to get it when I can.


Working on us, week 12, self care!

It’s week 12 of the working on us prompt series from Beckie at beckys mental mess. If you want to participate then you can check out her post on her blog for the guidelines.

This week its all about self care!

Prompt one questions:

Were their signs of your self-care routine lacking before you were officially diagnosed with a mental illness/disorders? Yes. Before I got diagnosed in my teens with ptsd and depression, I would go days without showering, I wouldnt eat, I barely ate anything, I was too depressed to care about my appearance or appetite.

Did you (or) do you suffer from low self-esteem? I do. I often think I am worthless, or not good at anything. Its a horrible feeling. Sometimes I need a lot of reassurance.

Is there (or) have there been stages of guilt when not properly taking care of your self-care routine? Yes. I feel so gross when I dont shower, and I often think others will think so too. I feel very guilty for not doing more to care for myself, but then too sometimes, I just dont care, the mental illness overrides the guilty feelings.

(You can refrain from answering the next question if you wish to). What was the longest period of time between taking a shower, and/or brushing your teeth? Well I think the longest I’ve gone without showering has been about 8 days. The longest I’ve gone without brushing my teeth has been about a week, but sometimes that due to dissociating and not that I cant be bothered brushing them. sometimes I just totally forget if I dissociate.

If you are supposed to be going out for whatever occasion, are you concerned with your over-all appearance? (Or) Do you take care of your self-care needs before leaving the house? If I am going out for a night out, I do take pride in how I look, I do like to dress up and look good. I try to always do what I need to to feel good about myself, and a lot of times my mom also prompts me, she’ll tell me what I need to do to look good, days before we’re due to go out, so I am preparing for it days in advance. Its good, as when the time comes I am ready and usually when we’re ready to go I do look good.

What advice can you give to someone who is having difficulty with their self-care routine? (Note: If someone was to ask for your advice, what would you share with them?) Do what you can when you can. Dont push yourself to do more than you feel capable of. And dont do things just to please others, do it for yourself.