Dislike, word of the day

I dislike

feeling so alone

feeling so sad

feeling so apathetic

And feeling so very low

I dislike

The hard days

The long nights

The discomfort

I dislike




even though

sadness is

just an emotion

and it does not last

I dislike

Having mental illness

It feels like

The worst thing in the world

Why do I

Have to have it?

Why is it

My fate?

Why is it so?


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He gave me a surprise!

Nitro is so cute! He gave me a big surprise! I was going to make a cup of tea, and there he was, all sprawled out in the hallway, I hadn’t been sure where I’d find him, he had been on my bed, but he jumped off. He got too hot. He’s so funny. There he was, and as soon as I got up, he started wagging that tail. Oh his tail, thumping hard on the floor, its so damn cute! He’s such a cutie!
I love that big monsterdoodle! And he’s not even a doodle! I just call him that hahaha!
I love nice surprises!


Paddling like a maniac!

I paddle. Its sink or swim time here. I’m swimming. I keep going, despite everything. Despite feeling crappy. I keep pushing on. I paddle on day in and day out. I want to make it through! So I push and I push. I don’t let depression beat me!

It will never win! I will win!

I can do this! I just have to power through! And I will!

I already kick started my evening! I did 25 mins on the treadmill! Pounding the treadmill was awesome! It helped my mental health a lot!

I am so glad I did some exercise! Self care all the way! Yay!


Emotion substitute

Substitute fear
For joy
Substitute those emotions
And you will
Live your best life
No doubt about it
We should all
Try to be
Sometimes it fails
But mostly
Having those emotions
On most days
Is a great thing
I’ll take it
Even on my worst days
My most emotional days
Having a positive outlook
Is key to me
Being functional and that
To me
is what keeps me


A contest from my childhood!

Today I am going to write about the time when I took part in a contest, with my then youth club. The contest was called, tops of the clubs, and it was a competition to see which club was the best around the area. What we had to do was we had to create a mini talent show. We had half an hour to perform. We had to encorporate comedy, dance, singing and theatre into a show and then go head to head with other youth clubs. It was a lot of fun. The year I entered I was just turning 18. We practiced and practiced for weeks beforehand. My part in the show was singing the theme to river dance, I wore a beautiful long velvet dress, and there were kids irish dancing all around me as I sang. I got a standing ovation at the end of my performance. I still have the VHS tape of us doing that show. Its something that I treasure. Needless to say we won that year. We were on top of the world. I’ve never forgotten that night. I did get very ill on that night too though after the show. I got viral meningitis and had to be hospitalised for 2 weeks. But nothing could dampen my spirits, we’d won and we took the title of the best youth club in our area. That was something to celebrate.

This post is in response to word of the day for june 1st.



an overcast cloudy sky
a cool breeze
coming through my window
rain threatens to fall
no sun at this time of the night
just clouds, and dreary skies
and an even drearier mind
As my thoughts race
And I face
Another night
Where sleep evades me


The river, word of the day challenge

I sit beside the river
as it flows
the sound mezmorizing

Its so loud
It could deafen you
But I love it

I sit on the bank
Happy, content
Wondering, will I dip my toes?

Next thing I know
My shoes and socks are off
And I start to put my feet in

Its so cold
But so inviting
I paddle for a while

All thoughts and stresses put aside
As I sit, transfixed
By the feel of the cool water on my skin

I sit for a while longer
Relaxed, breathing in nature
Until I notice the time

Oh how time has flown by
Standing, I inhale, remembering everything about this special trip
Slowly then, I turn to go

This day by the river
It has been incredible
For my soul